why i love oikawa's story so goddamn much and i'm whipped -- a thread im impulsively making with no structure or beginning

it all started with one episode called "oikawa tooru is not a genius". in that episode, oikawa's school beats karasuno and they go to the finals. a lot of their points were scored by oikawa's deduction and intelligence, so why the hell wouldn't he be considered a genius, right?

he can't be an ordinary man. well, that's the whole point of the title. he is. he's an ordinary man who wishes more than anything that he wasn't.

a lot of times, what people are passionate in are not what they are good at, and that's the case for oikawa. it seems no matter how much and how hard he tries to be at the very top, to be the very best setter, he always loses in comparison to his rivals and his techniques

ideas are always shut down by raw talent and natural aptitude because his rivals are extraordinary, naturally talented and fit for winning and he ISN'T.

all he can do is work harder than everyone else to win. but even that has been destroyed by brute force and he has nothing left because he is not extraordinary nor is he a genius. oikawa's skill is that he can bring 100% out of any player and thus he can bring 100% of his team.

yet this isn't even the greatest skill ever. because kageyama can bring out MORE THAN 100% of his teammates. in short, oikawa helps his teammates do their best, while kageyama helps his teammates do BETTER. THAT is why oikawa is so envious and a bit resentful of him.

because hard work does not beat talent. hard work may not even match talent. and that's what tears me apart. does hard work truly beat talent?

what i noticed about oikawa is that he didn't smile once when he beat karasuno. his face is impassive, something you can barely count as relief. he can't feel happy because he still needs to improve and get better faster and faster before karasuno overthrows them.

to me, he's basically living in constant fear and paranoia about being surpassed due to his overwhelming inferiority complex. he can never fully relax and be happy about his victories.

his insatiable hunger to improve is on the brink of obsession, and that's not to say oikawa doesn't have any talent. HE DOES. he is a brilliant setter. but he doesn't let any of this praise get to him. his attitude is not arrogant. he recognises talent when he sees it.

oikawa doesn't boast about his talent or his skill. because of his selfish desire to improve, he isn't afraid to face his weaknesses. he accepts matches he lost.

now i'm adding ushijima into this. ushijima has stressed time and time again that oikawa should've gone to shiratorizawa. and oikawa hates this to the core. because of oikawa's shitty worthless pride, he'd rather die. who's to say, oikawa might have gone to nationals if he did +

go to shiratorizawa! but does he give a shit? OF COURSE NOT. oikawa cherishes seijoh. and if oikawa can't win with them, he's not winning at all. and that's another motif of oikawa's that i adore. oikawa tooru is not a genius, but he has worthless pride.

if he doesn't win his way, he isn't winning. he's a GREAT captain who believes in his team and in return, believes in him. ah fuck i miss seijoh so much FUCK

ok in summary, oikawa is my biggest role model. he sees himself as normal, practically nothing compared to talent, and uses his insane envy, his biggest flaw, to become his biggest strength, a powerful dedication to improve. he is a ROLE MODEL.

haikyuu did such an amazing job in adding in such a storyline (a subplot?) on top of the plot. oikawa's motivations are the most relatable ones for me, as they're so REAL and something i struggle with all the time. i think he's the saddest character in haikyuu.

he didn't get what he wanted, and because he was a third year, he never had a chance to get it again. he spent YEARS on beating shiratorizawa but never saw it happen. ok this wasn't really a summary huh. whatever.

anyways i heard he's living the best volleyball life rn so why does any of this matter. dear oikawa tooru and iwaizumi hajime we all miss you. i cry about u guys every week. please come back. the end