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This is going to be a long one. But I felt like this is (in my head) a good time to just.... type. On July 4th, it’s going to be 14 years since my dad died from, among other things, pancreatic cancer. I’ve gone my whole adult life without my dad, as well as the most crucial part
Of my youth. I really saw things that no one my age at that time should ever really see. Hell, the 2006 portion of 6th grade, I missed a LOT of school. I was missing school, because my mom still needed to work, so I was staying home not cause I was sick, but I was helping my dad
Do simple things, like get up and down the stairs and just getting into the bathroom, all at 13 years old. I was nearly held back due to it. He was a shell of his old self. But he never felt sorry for himself, and to this day that’s still an incredible thing for me to have
Witnessed because he was dealt a Very raw card, but he took it in stride. My friends I think could describe me as goofy, and fun to hang/be around with. But really it’s when I’m alone and have time to think. That’s when I get to my “darkest” I get there because I can’t help but
Think of all the things missed out on both our ends. Him watching us grow up and advance in life. Me having that father figure in my life, having someone to lean on. I’ve essentially patented myself since I was 13, because my mom, and I promise I do love her, but she prioritized
Other things in her own life since then. I guess what I’m trying to say is that cancer just fucking sucks & that I really, really, REALLY miss my dad. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him multiple times. Love that man. Miss him. Apologies for blowing up the timeline 
Just gonna use this thread to keep talking about this. Cause I typically think of things to say after the fact. I think I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m not jealous of seeing people my age whether it’s people I graduated with, or am even close friends with having their full
Parental units in their life. Hell im even jealous of my gf, but not in a negative way. Cause I actually love how close her family is. But I get jealous because I do remember my dad as talking about having those close knit family traits when I was younger. But hey, of course
Plans change since he’s not alive anymore. My friends know that, yeah I don’t have that close relationship with my family.
The last week of my dad’s life felt like a blur, especially for a 12-going-on-13 year old kid like myself. But there’s also parts to that week that are
The last week of my dad’s life felt like a blur, especially for a 12-going-on-13 year old kid like myself. But there’s also parts to that week that are
Very vivid in my brain. From what days certain things happen, to what I was eating some of those days. But what burns at me years later, is that I actually struggle to remember his voice. We don’t have home videos and it was still earlyish In the cell phone era so we couldn’t
Keep his number “active” to call and hear him on the voice mail. I get mad at myself for not remembering his voice. A part of the reason (I think) was because I didn’t get to truly say goodbye. Or really he didn’t. My dad was in a medically induced coma once he went to the ER. So
I had to essentially say my goodbye, on Tuesday July 4th at 3:52 PM, to someone who probably couldn’t hear me, and someone I definitely could hear tell me they loved me, as I told them I loved them. It’s a little thing but it’s something that eats at me often. Every July 4th is
Just another day of the week to me. I’ve been better of the years in terms of celebrating July 4th the holiday. But first and foremost, July 4th is the day my hero died from a hellacious battle. I get emotional thinking about him. I definitely don’t talk about him as much as I
Probably should. But fuck me I really miss him. Can’t help but think of the ways my life and other things would be different. Once again, apologies on the feed clutter
