My son's 9. He's never watched Harry Potter

We're on Azkhaban

Seeing it anew from a muggle's perspective is too good to not share

"Harry couldn't turn his uncle fat though cause he's already fat."

"Whose dog was that?"

"Oh he's evil. I know it." - referring to Professor Lupin

"Malfoy's haircut is stupid. It's like mine, but mine is better."

"This movie is going to include a part with them yelling at Hermione to stop falling them to each class.""

"Buckbeak is a good horse flying thing."

"So every time he sees a dementor, he hears his mom die? He's heard his mom die three times. Wow that's... that's harsh."

*revelation about Sirius is HPs godfather*

"I knew Sirius looked like Harry Potter!"

Me. "Godfather's aren't blood."

"So? Sometimes people just look like people."

Me. "... then how is it relevant?"

"..... did you make popcorn yet?"

"Maybe Lupin is Sirius Black?!"

"Why did (Lupin) just make him hear his dead mom again?"

Me. "He has to train him somehow. Sometimes that means tackling challenges."

"Yea but his mom dying? That's mean."

"Someones a werewolf."

"I like Lupin"

Me. "I thought you said he was Sirius Black."

"Who said I wasn't on Sirius Black's side huh old man?"

"What'd she say to her?" - as Hermione knocks the glass ball of the table in divinations

Me. "You didn't hear what the professor said? It was harsh."

"I can't understand her. She speaks and I don't know what words she says. I can't understand it. Lots of whoo."

"I like Ron. He's funny."

"Buckbeak must liveeeeeeee"

"How is that night? It just looks rainy."

"OMG it's the Grimm! Wait, is that a Grimm? What's a Grimm?"

"Hahaha" - as Ron gets dragged off

Me. "He's fighting for his life and you laugh?"

"Yea cause look at him. He's all oh no don't let him drag me into a tree. Hahaha. So funny."

"I KNEW (Lupin) was a bad guy!!" - as he hugged Sirius

"Why is everybody so scared of a wand?"

"WHAT?!?!?!" - as Harry sends Snape through the wall

(Out of order)

"Well THAT's not something I'd ever thought I'd hear from Harry Potter." - after Harry said he'd kill Sirius Black

"ADIDAS? Who knew ADIDAS was in the wizarding world too?"

"I like Sirius. Really good character development."

"Guess what Harry, it's right behind you." - as the werewolf comes into the moonlight

"Buckbeak! Knew all those dead rats were good for something." - as Buckbeak attacks the werewolf

"Oh so what he saw was himself, but in the future."

Me. "Are they really in the future though?"

"Well the future ones came back in time and then saved their old selves from the future selves just..."

Me. "Yes?"

"What? Were you saying something?"

"I cast the patroneous cause .... does that make sense?" - Harry Potter

"No that makes no sense you weird magic flying kid." - overspeaking the response from Hermione

"I like the end of this movie."

"Why does every movie have some guy who says I'll be with your heart or something? It's in so many movies. We get it, you love them."

Me. "I thought you liked his character development?"

"Yea the good parts, not the boring ones."

"Aaahhhhhhh" - as Harry flies away at the credits

"Well goodnight daddy. Or should I say King Fart!"

/le fin