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My kids chose to watch Percy Jackson/The Lightening Thief tonight and wow, I was not adequately prepared for just his bad this really is.
Forget & #39;yer a wizard, Harry!& #39; this whole & #39;you& #39;re a demigod son of Poseidon& #39; reveal is 1,000x worse. It& #39;s like they condensed the book into its least exciting form which yes, even includes the supposedly clever quips.
This cast includes:
Logan Lerman
Pierce Brosnan
Sean Bean
Steve Coogan
Uma Thurman
Rosario Dawson
Catherine Keener
Joe Pantoliano
... What happened? No seriously, I& #39;m asking for real. What happened?
Logan Lerman
Pierce Brosnan
Sean Bean
Steve Coogan
Uma Thurman
Rosario Dawson
Catherine Keener
Joe Pantoliano
... What happened? No seriously, I& #39;m asking for real. What happened?
I forgot to add that Poseidon is played by none other than Owen Hunt, who brings his negative ginger energy everywhere he goes.
I don& #39;t care how much people ragged on Aquaman; at least they got Jason Momoa
I don& #39;t care how much people ragged on Aquaman; at least they got Jason Momoa
And I know castings of beloved books is always fraught with controversy, but THEY DIDN& #39;T EVEN MAKE ANNABETH FUCKING BLONDE.
literally every other line in the book is about her "wild blonde hair and stormy grey eyes" this is so easy give the girl a wig please I& #39;m begging you
literally every other line in the book is about her "wild blonde hair and stormy grey eyes" this is so easy give the girl a wig please I& #39;m begging you
Uma Thurman has been in some bad movies before (hello, Super Ex-Girlfriend) but this is definitely a low point.
OH MY GOD PERCY IS HOLDING A CELL PHONE THAT& #39;S LIKE LITERALLY THE FIRST THING THEY ADDRESS IN THE BOOKS THEY DON& #39;T USE TECHNOLOGY DID THE SCREENWRITER EVEN *OPEN* THE BOOK
Ok so they chopped Uma& #39;s head off so by calculation she was in this movie for approximately 3.5 minutes how much do we think she was paid by minute?
cool cool cool now they& #39;re Skyping because that makes even less sense than FaceTiming with the cell phones they inexplicably have because who *wouldn& #39;t* carry a laptop on a rigorous adventure
Percy. Is. Flying. Now.
Does the whole "son of Poseidon" mean nothing? Or just imagined healing powers they& #39;ve given him for this movie bc apparently explain nectar and ambrosia is too difficult a cinematic ask.
Does the whole "son of Poseidon" mean nothing? Or just imagined healing powers they& #39;ve given him for this movie bc apparently explain nectar and ambrosia is too difficult a cinematic ask.
Pierce Brosnan& #39;s whispering omnipotent voice makes me nostalgic for his singing in Mamma Mia
You know what& #39;s making this experience extra brutal though? We& #39;re watching it On demand on USA so there are non-fast forward-able commercials, dragging this thing out for h o u r s
Persphone just showed up in the Underworld on June 21st so forget following the book, have these writers even read Greek Mythology???
I just...make it end, please. I hate this so much. No wonder Rick Riordan disavowed it. I honestly cannot imagine writing something so wonderful and seeing it translated SO poorly.
They had unlimited budget for special effects *and* casting yet this is what they ended up with
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And look, I know this is a petty hill to die on, but not one single person wears a friggin orange t-shirt in this entire movie.
It& #39;s over now and somehow we are still alive, but just know that I will never get this image out of my head, and not in a good way. /Fin
