Have you ever wondered what it’s like to never know happiness? To really constantly wonder what people mean when they say that word? To think the entire world is lying to you because you live in perpetual shadow and others live in the sunlight and they can’t explain simple
Things like “what is happiness?” We’ll wonder no more. I’m kidding you’ve probably ever wondered. But welcome to dysthymia if you have it your entire life. It’s a milder form of depression that can last weeks, months, years or for some people, a lifetime. And you can have
Normal depression on top! So it’s like depression on top of depression. Annnd that’s my life. A life in the mental and emotional shadows full of struggle, hurt, betrayal and pain, and eventually it became too much and regular depression hits. I often joke my refer to it as
Double Depression. It just sounds more grandeur. It’s not tho. It’s miserable. And yet. For some reason here I sit. Now with chronic illness and chronic pain! I miss my dog. I had to make the choice to end her suffering when it was too much but I have to continue to exist.