Read on Twitter
thread of me venting to twitter instead of getting a therapist. cw eating disorders
knda funny how every problem i have with my perception of myself is directly linked to the way my mother has treated me my whole life/how she still treats me 
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she asked if i needed any clothes for summer so i sent her some stuff and told her my size. she bought everything one to two sizes bigger than i wear and nothing fit. when i told her she just said “Sold out—keep all packaging and use the return form.”
this is a trend that’s been continuing since high school where she bought me several pairs of pants that were three (3!!!!) sizes too big. i didn’t notice until my freshman year of college when my roommate said “bridget you don’t like your clothes because they’re all way too big”
like everything is incredibly unflattering and makes me feel super unattractive + completely saps my confidence
(CW) this might seem really minor but coupled with the fact that my earliest memory was her telling me i need to lose weight it has a different effect. i feel sick
does she think i’m lying? does she think i’m delusional?? does she just think, “we’ll, she’s really fat so there’s no way she isn’t plus size”
(CW) the ONLY time i’ve ever been able to get her to get off my back about what i eat/how much i eat/when i eat is when i tell her i’ve lost a large amount of weight in a short time—not a lie, i unsurprisingly have a very fucked relationship with food
(CW) this is shit she’s consistently told me since i was 4? maybe 5? maybe younger? it’s such a constant that i didn’t notice it was strange until i was older. i panicked about eating over 400 calories one day last week. that isn’t normal.
(CW) she sent me to weight loss programs when i was 8 that met once a week. taught me how to count calories. plus my entire close family was forced to come to a family therapy session to talk about my weight and my eating. that was probably the worst part.
(CW) like i literally cannot think of a more traumatizing event. that’s the reason it’s hard for me to eat in front of people. that’s the reason i’m convinced everyone around me thinks of me as fat and not as a person. it made my eating problems public
i don’t even know what the point of this thread is. i’m exhausted
