Okay but we need to talk about the movie Angels in the Outfield. Buckle up this is gonna be a thread https://twitter.com/kibblesmith/status/1246157519543828485

This is a movie in which a young Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a sad boy living in a foster home. His mom is dead. His dad is alive but just doesn't want him. This is very fucked up.

JGL still sees his deadbeat dad sometimes (we know he is deadbeat because he wears a leather jacket and rides a motorcycle).

Also he is played by Dermot Mulroney

This sad motherless boy in a foster home turns to his father and, with hope in his eyes, asks "when are we going to be a family again"

the dad pulls on his shades and goes "i'd say when the angels win the pennant" and zooms off on his motorcycle

JGL assumes his father just made him a binding promise and so he prays to the lord above for the Angels to win the pennant. And then! Lo and behold! Angels show up to help the struggling team!!!!

The Angels roster includes Matthew McConaughey, Adrien Brody, and Tony Danza. Danny Glover is their manager. There are two oscar winners on this failing baseball team.

So literal angels are helping the team win by using magic (this is cheating, I assume). Meanwhile, JGL's dad decides to permanently give up custody of him EVEN THOUGH THE ANGELS ARE DOING WELL.

There's a sideplot about a sportcaster who hates Danny Glover who tells the press that the Angels are using a magical child who can see actual biblical angels to win their games. People are upset, but then they get on board. No one makes any theological inquiries.

Fast forward to the championships: the Angels aren't allowed to get magical help anymore because NOW it would be considered cheating. Who made those rules? Wasn't it always cheating? Apparently the Lord himself thinks cheating is okay unless it's a championship.

So why are the magical angels there at all if they can't help? Oh, it's just that Tony Danza is going to die, and the angels are there to check on him. This is a movie for children.

I am pretty sure Tony Danza lives through the end of the game because the stadium Believes in him. The Angels win. We have to assume the exertion means Tony Danza will die in the near future, off-screen, but this is played as a happy ending.

Danny Glover adopts the miracle child and his best friend because that's how things work. And the main angel, Christopher Lloyd, flies off into the sky. The end.

If I was Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I would wonder why the angels worked so hard to help a baseball team play good and not, idk, save his mom from dying.

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Trivia

I think they do specify that Tony Danza has cancer from chewing tobacco? anyway, JGL knows he's going to die but instead of getting him medical attention they make him pitch the rest of the game.

Anyway, if an actual baseball coach was like "my strategy is actual angels" he probably should be fired that is a bad baseball strategy I'm on the side of the comically villainous team owner with this one