THE ULTIMATE LOVE SHOW
Can one really find love on a reality tv show?

Yours truly simply does not like reality TV shows. However, my apathy went on a brief hiatus when I saw the advert for a new, Nigerian reality tv show called the Ultimate Love Show.

Before I go on, let me state that this article is:
1. The product of having a little extra time on my hands. Don't take it too seriously.

2. My opinion. If at any point while reading this, you get the urge to cuss out my ancestors, resist the urge. Don’t let the devil use you.

Also, reality tv show and Ultimate Love shall hereinafter be referred to as RTS and ULS.

Back to the matter.
The show is loosely patterned after Love Island UK. I’ll skip many details and go straight to my thoughts on the couples, show and fans.

Iyke/Theresa #IykeTheresa:

The youngest couple in the love pad, they had easy chemistry and were good at small talk from the start.
Though a source of concern, their different personalities ensured an interesting coupling.

Iyke came off as mature and calculating. He always knew the right things to do and say.

Theresa was conscious of the age difference between herself and the other guests, leading her to occasionally seek a confrontation, perhaps to assert her "alpha female-ness".

Like, there's no need for wahala but let me make small so these guys won’t think I’m all bark and no bite . She's got a lot maturing to do, and that's okay.

I had nothing against their ages and think they'll make a fine couple. Do I see a wedding in the future? Maybe. Maybe.

Bolanle/Arnold #Bolar:

I think the mistake fans made was applying Big Brother "stanning" and "shipping" tactics to this show.

Bolanle stood out from the first week, both for her vivaciousness and talent. Arnold was handsome and also versatile.

Visually, they made a power couple. In reality, a disappointment.

Arnold, for all his seeming progressiveness, did not care much for his partner who consistently refused to be molded into his ideal. It was clear he'd have preferred another. Alas, they were already taken.

Even after she, on her own, admitted that the Arnold wasn't that into her, Bolanle was still willing to change so they could work.

I hope she has friends out here who will stop her from dumbing herself down for some guy. Girl, your man will come.

Jay/Nkechi #Jaykech:

Surprisingly, this pair changed the dynamics of the show for me. I often wonder what side of Nkechi we'd have seen if she'd paired with someone else.

Tapdancing on the very field of misogyny, Jay is the physical embodiment of a feminist's nightmare.

His word is final. I found it curious watching him have indepth conversations on relevant subjects with others, Chris for example, but never with his babe. She, it seemed, was only good enough for petty gossip and game analysis sessions.

Was she not smart enough to engage or did he simply prefer her quiet and unassuming? I'll take the latter.

Behind her vacuous stares, Nkechi, strikes me as a pretty shrewd woman. She knows what she wants, but has a sprinkle of ojukokoro and is always on the lookout for better.

There's not much to her personality.

Neither is in love with the other.
Still, I feel they may work. As long as he keeps adoring her as a prized possession, remains financially comfortable and sexually fit.

Behold, the lord of the manor and his dutiful trophy wife.

Chidi and Sylvia #Chivia:

He's easy-going, she's pretty. That's all. Everything else was smoke and mirrors, with very little substance.

Sylvia obviously came for show. Seen as one of the least problematic female, she endeared herself to the fans by laying low.

The babe knew the game and played her cards right. Certainly seemed disappointed with the anticlimactic end. She should've waited for Big Brother.

Chidi was just...I dunno. Certainly seemed like he actually wanted love but ended up with a babe who didn't care which one she got.

I think he knew this but she's gorgeous and he consoled himself with "how happy she was to see him the day he came in."
Yimu.

If I say this ’ship was dead on arrival, some people will send me death threats. So, let me keep mum.

Precious/David #Preshdavid:

LMAO! Judas Iscarrylocs and Ada-Jesus.

I was really interested in this pair at the first. I thought, "If he actually likes her enough to do what no one else would've dared do on Naija reality TV, this should be something."

I was yeyering myself.

Dude certainly knows how to talk. Yap yap yap. And lie. Bolanle’s Clearing and Forwarding agent. Makes a lot of effort to explain his inadequacies and often shoots himself in the foot.

A very oily somebody, my brows didn't bother rising in surprise when he Brutus-ed Rosie.

Precious is gorgeous, smart, articulate, and confident. And she’s got that ‘holy spirit’ that tells her things about others but doesn’t tell her to fix her pettiness .

The frequent spats between them showed who was boss and who was just grateful to be paired up.

Sure, they had a few cute moments. Mostly an aftermath of the pairing. And being chosen over Rosie may have made Precious a little heady.

Will they marry? If I hear.

No, really, if I hear, I'll wear a black bra and a pink tutu only, and tapdance to Thong Song by Sisqo.

Jenny and Louis #Jelo:

I found them to be the least interesting.

Jenny, loyal though she is, was just cantankerous and disinterested. Quiet Jerry seemed perpetually tired of the petty disagreements. A truly depressing watch.

Towards the end, Jerry looked and sounded like he was miserable and I wanted his pain to end. I want blame their pairing on the organisers but I can't. I was happy to see them go.

I hope they find more suitable partners now they're outside the Love Pad.

Jerry/Meriton #Jereton:

Dead. On. Arrival.

Jerry was there for the jolly ride. Unfortunately, he didn't come with the first batch. He'd have been a hot cake because of his looks and some unfortunate girl, possibly Nkechi or Rosie would've been stuck in that shallow.

*shudders*

I genuinely felt sorry for Meriton. She seemed to have a lot more to offer as a partner but her time with Jerry did absolutely nothing to showcase her personality or prospects.

It didn't help that he did a lot to make her feel inferior and it seemed to work. *shudders again*

I was really pissed that when she had a chance to swap, she chose to stay. Why? I'll never know.

I hope she doesn't do more damage by trying to "make something happen". Even a friendship. Sis, let it go.

Chris and Chris #DoubleChris:

Honest to heaven, I waited in vain for Chrisgirl’s accent to fade away after the first week. She got the short end of the stick and were I in her shoes, I’d have checked out after the first week. We'd seen her strength, no need to carry on.

But she stayed. I respect how she held her own after the Uche debacle.

Chris Guy seems like a cool dude.
I don't know what I think about their coupling. They say opposites attract but...hmmm. A recipe for friction more like. They seem to communicate well, so yay. There's hope.

Michael/Cherry #Micherry:

She's fun, carefree, life of the party. The kind of person who loves to stay I her corner, mind her business and make everyone laugh.

He was another fellow I couldn't quite figure out. He was here, there, everywhere. Seemed earnest though.

But then, the show thrived on putting the ladies especially, in positions where they were either picked or seen as undesirable.

Misgivings aside, I wish they'd lasted more than #Jelo. I ehse they're still an item. Let's see how it goes.