I’ve been told in the past to approach people calmly and they won’t shut down. Don’t be angry. Be vulnerable. Guess what happened? Still shut down. Their guilt makes them shut down. Their shame makes them shut down. Sometimes it’s not about how you approach them at all.

But that just goes to show you it’s not personal and it’s not about you. It’s their defense mechanism. And logically that’s easy to understand. But when you’re vulnerable and addressing somebody about something bothering you and they shut down completely, it feels VERY personal

When you approach them angry, it acts as a shield. It hurts less when they shut down. But that doesn’t work in your favor because now you’ll never know if your anger was the reason they shut down. When you’re vulnerable there’s no shield there, so them shutting down will cut deep

So it’s a gamble either way. Get angry and not get the conversation you want/desire because they’ll shut down as a response to anger. Or be vulnerable and risk getting emotionally destroyed if they choose to check out. A lose lose.

After going through these types of connections far too many times, I tried a different approach. I started just exiting the connection without even addressing anything because what’s the point if they’re just gonna shut down. But that’s also very unhealthy