A brief :
Spiritual disciplines often get a bad rap (rightfully so). One routine has truly carried me though...

-in 2004 I started waking up before sunrise to journal, read the Bible and pray
-this wasn’t from duty- I was coming from atheism and a traumatic upbringing

-waking up early and journaling especially, allowed me space to process my deeply traumatic past
-during my journaling I had the opportunity to breathe and express whatever was on my mind...I didn’t have this opportunity growing up in an abusive household

-the quiet of the morning began to tutor my heart in peace and give me space to cry...often
-during these hours I slowly started to build a life raft where only God and I could go.
-this raft helped me years later when my boys drowned
-that experience has been crushing

-the only thing I could do was wake up, cry, pray and journal...and cry again. No magic. No overwhelming peace...it was just the only thing I could control
-one of my boys when he was younger used to follow me around with his children’s bible and sit with me during quiet times

-I hate how spiritual disciplines have been taught religiously
-for me my time in the morning is the only thing I can control for sure. Everything else gets crazy
-journaling and prayer have been an anchor for this traumatized soul. These times with God aren’t for show