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Feel like my mom just makes me more depressed love that for me :)
SORRY i don’t understand online classes and don’t know how to do anything cus I don’t have a degree in teaching! I’m A FUCKING JUNIOR IN HIGH-SCHOOL HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TEACH MY SELF ?! And I stay up late cus I’m not doing anything!? I’m sorry!?
She doesn’t get it but she’s stressed cus she works still :( ugh god I just wish she would talk more nicely. I don’t think she knows how to talk to people with anxiety and depression cus when she thinks she’s helping (yelling) she’s really not :( ugh my dads worse tho
Sorry for ranting but I can’t post this anywhere else :/ my sisters would see and snitch HAHABA
I just needed to get that off of my chest:/ I always stay up late no matter what but since I’m not going anywhere I’m not tired. So I stay up even later. Then they yell at me to get up and only me then they get mad at me for staying in my room??
There’s literally noTHING TO DO? Being isolated sucks ass for people with depression:/ I feel like I did during freshman year and THATS NOT gOoD. I get I have an anger issue but that’s cus I can’t stand getting yelled so I yell back..
Probably cus I was around yelling since I was younger (I was NEVER abused as a child my parents are amazing) but their constant fighting and yelling during their divorce I guess rubbed off on me :/
I did not revive therapy as a young 5 year old cus I guess my parents didnt think I would get hurt or some shit and I was too young to understand what was going on.
One time my dad and mom yelled at me so soo much about my political views (more my dad than my mom) but it’s stressed me out I started to cry probably almost having a panic attack. It was bad. But, I always stand up for what I believe in. I never change my values.
But deep down, I feel like not getting therapy as a child fucked me up. But I guess I wouldn’t be who I am today with out it. I know I have issues but I can’t really work them fully out since I can’t see my therapist. I have no motivation to do work anymore. I want school back
They always say I’m the smart one but I’m not really. I’m dumb as fuck and never study. I can’t focus well so u loose track of time very easily so it’s hard for me to focus on work at home. In a school setting I can focus cus I’m noT at home
My mom feels like she’d messed up but she didn’t . It wasn’t her fault about what my dad did. Nor did my dad make me this way. It was just the situation not them. I’m starting to feel alone again. It’s not good.
I’m starting to not eat and only eat one or two meals a day. It’s weird cus I usually binge eat. No ones gonna read this so please don’t petty me. I’m fine. Im just going through a a rough time at the moment
Probably another factor is that I’ve been on and off my meds cus the fact that I wake up much later is not good that I don’t have a schedule so I forgot.
Sorry I’m fucked up. I understand why im not fun to be around. JUST look at how I act and look. Im selfish and lonely and a bitch and fat and ugly. I mean I get it.
Music is my escape. BTS is a big part of my recovery. I just feel like I’m failing. The mask I had on is now off. My mom can’t stand me anymore. Neither can my stepdad. Idk about my sisters. I need to go away but I can’t. I might go on a walk for like two hours so I can be alone
If u read this I’m sorry. I’m fine. I’m not going to kms. I’ve never self harmed and I do not plan too! Pls I’m fine! Just down in the dumps atm. But, life is truly stressful to us all atm! I could have it worse.
I just really need to be alone :( go outside. I don’t have a cold anymore so now I can go outside. I will go on a walk tomorrow. I need too or idk what will happen. I’ll probably rip my hair out.
