As I lie here in bed, having woken up too early, unable to get back to sleep due to a slight hangover, reading mid-80's Fantastic Four comics, my mind again wanders to the confusing matter of the Thing's penis

Where to start?
He is Jewish, so I assume he is circumcised.
Which is probably just as well, as having what are essentially rocks for skin would mean the movement of his foreskin would be, i imagine, difficult.

And the *noise*
Like a mini avalanche.

Imagine that.
Your election having it's own noise.
Like a calling card

THE HUMAN TORCH: "Is that some rocks falling in the distance?"
THE THING: "No. I'm watching porn in my room, Johnny"

But saying that, even without a foreskin, you'd imagine his penis is still rocky.
Is it a different colour to his body?
What about the bellend?
Is it rough to touch?

Has he masturbated since transforming into the Thing?
Maybe not and that is why he is so annoyed al the time
Would it sound like he is sanding down some marble if/when he does?

Did his penis grow in size at the same rate the rest of his body? Because they are some BIG hands he has and, with a fragile ego like his, having his normal human penis would hurt him. Badly

His body is scaly too. Like plates of rock.
Is his penis like that too, like a rocky pangolin, but in penis form?

Has he ever had sex with someone as the Thing?
He was with Alicia, the blind sculptress for long enough. You'd think they would have had a physical relationship, wouldn't you?

Regardless of its size and how turned on Alicia was, having what (again, I can only assume) is basically a brick pushed into you could not be much fun.

But it is fine if you are into that. I'm not here to kink shame anyone, blind sculptress or not.

He seems a delicate soul, does our Benjamin Grimm, so i imagine he would do anything to keep a girl happy. Whoch leads me to think about him performing oral sex too.
He has stony lips.
Ouch

Looking at the drawings, he has a tongue that looks soft, so that is fine, but again, having a rock mashed up against your clitoris CANNOT be much fun, regardless of how deft and soft his tongue is

And any sort of digital stimulation is surely out the window too. He has fingers like tubes of Pringles. And they are covered in rocks

This probably means that, with all of these issues, along with his sheer brute strength, he could only, realistically, have sex with another super hero. (I am assuming here he is heterosexual too, as that is a whole different ball game)

She-Hulk is an obvious, easy match. She is a big girl. Can handle herself.
Sexy.
Confident.
Smart.
But I imagine not willing to put up with Ben's temper. And she could really take her pick with men, so why would she pick the Thing?

Thundra is probably his only option. She fancies him too, so the attraction is there.
She is also massive, strong and, having came from a society that has females as the ruling sex, will NOT take his shit, which is probably what he needs