You can be an abuser without realizing you are being abusive. Abuse doesn't always have intent. Sometimes personal insecurities manifest themselves into unhealthy and abusive behaviors towards partners.

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& the person's brain thinks they are just protecting their self. This does not mean you are not accountable. It does not excuse abuse. Doing nice things for someone, not meaning to hurt them, having your own mental struggles-

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none of these things excuse abuse. It can be hard to admit to oneself that they are or were an abuser when their brain has made them feel as though they were just keeping their self safe. It doesn't make you an evil person, just someone who needs to get help.

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