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I can't sleep, so I'm now doing what the whole rest of the world is doing and catching up on Tiger King. I will live tweet my experience. You all know what's coming – I don't have a clue, except that there's tigers, and Carole Baskin.
So far, Joe seems nuts but like an okay dude. I don't even agree with zoos, but "I would shoot you before I shot any of my cats" – yeah. I get that. I'm not sure I agree with either of them having the cats but I'd rather they shot the humans than the cats. Episode one.
The cubs look drugged. Assume they are. Not cool.
The journalist looks... like he's been through some shit.
"If the big cat safety act is passed it will destroy all zoos across america." Good?
Wait, what? FOUR YEARS LATER? Okay. This is fucking episode one.
HOLY SHIT THAT ARM IS GONE. GONE.
'I'm never going to financially recover from this" IT ATE HER ARM
JUST ANOTHER FUCKING DAY
"I was paralysed from the waist down but when I could move a big toe, I knew I could do this – so I walked 20 miles a day, 7 days a week" FUCK
The journo has Terry Pratchett meets Hunter S Thompson vibes #TigerKing 
"Nothing is cooler, sexier, or more significant today to the world we live in – than a tiger" okay you fucking furry, Get Wintour involved this is the next Metgala #TigerKing
Daddy or Chips? = Tigers or Drugs? 2020
Smuggling drugs through snakes. I hate humans I really do. #TigerKing
Why does every gangster family have someone called Guillermo? #TigerKing
"Animals don't judge you" he's a dodgy character but I do believe Joe Exotic understands animals. Episode 2. #TigerKing
MYSTICAL SCIENCE? I can't have heard that right. Did I? I've had wine. MYSTICAL SCIENCE? #TigerKing
MYSTICAL FUCKING SCIENCE? #TigerKing
Listen I'm not being funny but if that ludicrous bastard has 9 wives I should have at least 15 by now #TigerKing
No one, and I mean NO ONE, trusts anyone with a FUCKING SOUL PATCH #TigerKing
Honestly sometimes I see low self-esteem and then I see women like this who are willing to SHAG THE SOUL PATCH TO FEEL WORTHY what is life #TigerKing
So... he now has... 2 husbands? and I have... none #TigerKing
First song feeling real Shania Twain That Don't Impress Me Much + Can't Hug Every Cat #TigerKing "high quality social media"
"high quality social media"
900+ lbs. I am 107lbs. Wow. #TigerKing
Oh God soul patch is back #TigerKing
Right okay I'm assuming Joe Exotic has to somehow die mid filming this series? Or is it all about Carol's husband #TigerKing
You know you're not rich if you're not hiding money in mattresses and the ground #TigerKing
So dark to listen to these women go "one woman was never enough for him" as if that's to be expected #TigerKing
"early, early, early" and her lack of details seems legit so far #TigerKing
Here... kitty... kit.. jesus #TigerKing
Back to bed. I'll continue tomorrow.
Okay, I'm back in. Episode 3. The will / power of attorney... well... that's not... suspicious? Carol? #TigerKing
Oh wow. At this point I'm kind of backing Joe? For being the only one to "take her on"? She's showing every sign of being sociopathic so far and I was damn skeptical of the ex-family until they said they're scared shitless of her due to litigation #TigerKing
I WAKE UP, I GO TO WORK, BUT EVERY DAY I GET SOMEONE TRY TO SLAM ME DOWN BACK IN THE DIRT #TigerKing episode 4.
BANGER.
episode 4. BANGER.
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Hahahaha oh GOD as if they're getting into IP issues. These tiger weirdos have fucking IP problems. #TigerKing
Joe is basically a master of challenger brand marketing I'm actually fucking impressed frankly #TigerKing
The man INVITED A LAWSUIT to increase his own clout and I'm sorry but we stan #TigerKing
The journalist still fully channelling Terry Pratchett and Hunter S Thompson as one person: "bum fuck Oklahoma" #TigerKing
I'm in tears at Joe in the crown and the robe I really am #TigerKing
WOAH. WHAT THE FUCK. THE... WELL. THE BLOW UP DOLL IS... DEAD? #TigerKing
Oh Joe. Joe, Joe, Joe. Joe. Joe this is not going well. You're going full Kanye. #TigerKing
I've just spat my drink out at Carol in a diaper #TigerKing
The set/art direction for the confessionals with the woman with one arm is... *chefs kiss*
If someone burnt my animals, my eyes would turn black immediately. I would go crazy too. #TigerKing
Oh God please tell me it's not... no. He.. if he... NO. #TigerKing
Either these people are mastermind criminals or these police are stupid as fuck. #TigerKing Episode 4
Episode 4
