Could write a book about my childhood and people wouldn’t believe it. A Thread

Where do I begin ? Life was pretty normal until I was aged 11 , 1985 , my mom was diagnosed with MS , I started high school (Menzies) . I was very worried about my mom , my mom who used to spoil me and do everything was suddenly gone , she had become disabled wheelchair bound.

I had started high school and it was all too much for me , I couldn’t cope with the change , going from one teacher one classroom one set of kids to different classrooms for every subject , different teachers , I was in a form class where I knew no one from my old primary school.

I couldn’t cope or process high school (didn’t know or have a diagnosis of autism back then) , I had the worry of my mom , I had a breakdown , I saw an educational psychologist who asked me what they could do to help me with going to school , what they could put into place.

Eventually after missing 3 months of school I was put in a form class where I knew 3 other boys from my primary school , they were asked to help me around school they become my friends and was a massive help to me . Kind of took me under their wing.

I was given a safe place to go if class was becoming too much for me . All teachers were briefed about me so pretty much helped me a lot . I was going to school with the worry of my mom in my mind still , she was at home in her own until I arrived back from school.

I was at school but all I could think about was my mom and getting back to her after school . Before school each morning I had to wash and dress my mom because at this time we had no social kind of help yet , my dad started work early and my sister was only 6 years old .

So I had the responsibility of looking after my mom each morning before school , my moms cousin would take my sister to school and I would make my way in my own to school after I’d looked after my mom. I didn’t do well at all in my end of year exams , probably expected .

Broke up for summer holiday that year 1986. My dad had been made redundant from his job , we were getting home help from social for my mom now . I had noticed that my dad had started to do some strange things , he would turn ornaments and pictures upside down in the living room .

He would talk to himself and start laughing.When my mom was being treated at hospital at the beginning they were treating her for a trapped nerve , they gave her heat treatment which within a month had made her wheelchair bound and incontinent . Something was wrong but what ?

My mom and dad went to an osteopath paid private , he said he thought my mom had one of three things - Sclerosis , Multiple Sclerosis or outside chance of a tumour on the brain . My parents went to the hospital with this information as it was confirmed she had MS.

This made my dad very angry about the hospital miss diagnosing her and treating her with heat treatment which made her MS worse . My dad was very angry and high in mood most of the time . He was increasingly doing more strange things about the house . Turning things upside down.

Talking to himself , laughing out loud , going out for walks that would last around 2 hours . He began taking me on this walks around our neighbourhood, hot summer nights we would be walking 2 hours with my dad talking to me about people being after him , he talked and talked.

He would act strange in front of people on the street , he would shout out things towards me and make a scene, he would say the neighbourhood was set up ‘rigged’ just for him when we went out , these walks out would last all summer holiday days and days .

At home it became worse , he would refuse home helps into our home , he turned electric off , draw the curtains during the day , he wouldn’t let us eat as he said it was poisoned and tempered with , he kept me my mom and sister all in the same room .

We weren’t allowed in other rooms except for the toilet . This ‘lockdown’ lasted weeks , I only left the house when I went on the walks around the neighbourhood with my dad . We were exhausted , mentally , physically , undernourished, all summer holiday.

My anxiety was through the roof , I felt like I needed to do something I didn’t know what to do but I knew something had to be done , I was 12 what could I do. I eventually persuaded my dad to let me go to the shop round the corner , but I had no intention of going to the shop .

I ran all the way to my aunties home she was my dads sister , it was a 40 minute run to her home . I got there , I was in a terrible state , I asked for help I explained what had been happening and that I thought we were in terrible danger , my uncle didn’t want to get involved.

He told my auntie to not get involved , my heart sank I felt as though I could of passed out , my auntie just drove me back home , parked down the street so my dad wouldn’t see her , I got out her car and I just didn’t know what to do. My dad would know I hadn’t been to the shops

What would he do ? I slowly walked up the drive, curtains were closed still. I knocked the door , my dad came to the window and opened the window, he knew I hadn’t been where I’d said , he didn’t trust me now , wouldn’t let me back in the home , I pleaded and begged him to let me

back in for hours all evening , it was dark around 10pm , my mom shouted out for me to go to my nans home , but I didn’t want to leave my mom and sister , I was scared for them ,I didn’t know what to do . Eventually I walked to my nans after my mom had pleaded for me to go there.

I got to my nans , knocked the door went in the explained what had been going on , my uncle came over after my Nan rang him , he’s my moms brother , he said I’ll take you in the car and do a kind of drive by my home see if anything has happened , I felt let down again .

All I wanted was for this to be over and for my mom and sister to be safe . We went back to my nans . Her phone rang she answered it and it was a social worker , my auntie (dads sister) had rang them after she’d dropped me home, the social worker wanted me to sign

To sign for my dad to be committed and sectioned , I was 12 and he’s asking me to do this , I knew if I did my dad would ask who had signed it, once my dad was back out and home I was scared he’d do something to me because of me signing , I was scared I couldn’t sign it .

The social worker said he would ask my auntie to sign , which she did , about an hour later police and an ambulance would turn up at my home , my dad was inside the home , electric off curtains drawn complete darkness , police spoke to him with a loud speaker , asked him to

come out , he didn’t and shouted and threatened to hurt my mom , at which point the police burst in broke the front door off , got to my dad and restrained him , he was taken in an ambulance to All Saints Hospital Birmingham , he was sectioned for 30 days , I returned home .

My mom and sister were safe but in a very bad way , in shock , drained , mentally exhausted , physically exhausted , we all were , we had been out through this for weeks , no one had done anything until I decided something needed to be done and left the home.

Some family members came , my auntie , we had fish and chips the next day and I ate them like there was no tomorrow , got the house sorted and tidy again . I was relieved that my dad wa gone so relieved but this was only the beginning .

I was 12 years old this was how life was going to be for years , all through my teenage life , this was the first time , 6 weeks of hell , but worse was to come , I’ll continue this thread when I can ............

All my teenage life was traumatic , dad getting sectioned twice a year , my mom deteriorating every year , my dad neglected my mom a lot during this time , he resented everything , me and my sister used to feed my mom as my dad used to get angry feeding her.

My dad put us through a lot of traumatic events , electric turned off for days at a time , no food , no one in or out the house , he thought we were not who we were he thought we were robots , he didn’t trust us , he kept us up night after night trying to break us.

Police always involved social services , my dad sectioned , but not once did me my sister or my mom get any kind of support , no counciling no therapy no safe guarding. Dad sectioned for one month back out then the cycle would repeat putting us through trauma .

He once left the house late at night he’d been shouting at my mom , I cane downstairs asked my mom what was happening , she said my dad was gonna come back and burn the house down , we ended up ringing my moms sister who turned up just in time as my dad arrived back .

He was holding a wooden cross , that he’d stolen from the near by cemetery , god knows what he would of done if my auntie hadn’t of arrived in time , it’s the time that I’ve been most scared when he turned up with the cross , we stayed at my aunties that night but again ended up

Going back home , no support from family no support from authorities, totally let down , my mom wasn’t in the position to go anything independently because of how ill she was , I couldn’t do anything because I was so young , so we were stuck in the cycle for years.

My dad did many things too many things to mention some things I’d rather not talk about , I hated my dad I loved my my mom with all my heart and was so worried about her , I believe she went through a total breakdown and just couldn’t function . As I got older about 18 I started

To stick upto my dad , I had become bigger than him I could start to stand upto him , when I saw symptoms or signs that he was changing I’d pack my things my moms things and sisters and I’d literally get my moms wheelchair and pick my mom up out of the sofa put her in the

Wheelchair and walk out of the home with my mom in wheelchair and me and my sister walking , we went to my nans a one bedroom maisonette. She put us up my mom and sister would sleep with my man in her bed and i would sleep on her sofa , home care would treat my mom at my nans

We left home and ended up at my nans around 6 times over the years , she was great to us if it wasn’t for her I don’t know where we would of gone . She was tremendous to us she was the best .

I lived at my parents home until I was 28 , at this time my dad was mistreating my mom , my mom was very poorly at this time , she previously needed ventilating for 3 months , we were staying at my nans and my mom had a chest infection which got worse and she was admitted to

Hospital , her infection turned to sepsis , she was ventilated , we had quite a battle to get the hospital to ventilate her as the didn’t want to . She pulled through and lived a further 8 years I was 21 , during the time she was ventilated my dad had also been sectioned .

So I had my mom on a ventilator fighting for her life and my dad sectioned at the same time and I was living at my nans , hadn’t got a clue what was going to happen mind was everywhere .

But she pulled through but we were back living at home again , my dad still mistreating my mom , she had to be fed through a tube into her stomach , this was fed to her during the night , if the machine stopped because sometimes it did bloke and would need flushing through the

Feed tube , the pump would alarm , but my dad instead of flushing through and re setting the pump he would just turn it off completely , so my mom would not be fed , he was t interested at all in looking after her she was a burden to him .

I knew this couldn’t continue I was really worried about my moms welfare , between us we contacted social services and housing and they offered us a house they had 2 living rooms so we could turn the one room into a bedroom for my mom .

So we left my dad we went and lived in this new home ,I had to set all this up in secret from my dad and even on the day I walked out with my mom in her wheelchair he didn’t know , I was worried he would do something so it was done in secret and just went in there and got my mom

Out of the house I left my job to become a full time career to my mom , sadly after 6 months of living in our new home my mom had another chest infection was admitted into hospital again and it turned to sepsis again , she was ventilated again and again had to fight the hospital

To do this , but this time she was very ill not as strong as 8 years previous when ventilated , she did pull through but was fitted with a tracheotomy that was for access to her lungs to suction as her lungs were not working properly .

I had to fight to get her home , hospital didn’t want her discharged to home , but she couldn’t go in a care home either due to resuscitation levels . And you don’t live in hospital , they couldn’t discharge her to anywhere .

I thought to bring her home , I was fully trained by the hospital to take care of the tracheostomy , I was trained to suction her by the hospital , so in the end they discharged her back home , but they remarked she wouldn’t last one week at home .

I totally dedicated myself and my life to taking care of my mom 24/7 , I gave her as high a level of care as I possibly could , I would stay awake most nights watching over my mom , I realistically knew she was coming towards the end of her life .

I gave her we much happiness as I could , have everything I’d got , she’d been out of hospital 4 months not the one week the hospital remarked on . It was 2003 , it was Christmas we had a great a Christmas as we could , my mom was very very ill , but we managed to have a great

Christmas , we got through new year was 2004 but 2 days later it was Friday night I’d just suctioned my mom and blood cane up the tube . I was very worried but didn’t let my mom know how worried I was , but I told her blood had come up the tube and I said I’m ringing an ambulance

We ended up at A&E , this experience with the hospital was terrible , they just left us with my mom on the bed in a bay , left me with suction tubes and said your trained can you suction her and we’ll be with you as soon as we can .

They left us for along time it was a disgrace to be honest , I was suctioning a lot of blood up now , we were still left , no doctor nothing , I was getting angry and demanded to see a doctor .

Eventually saw a doctor , he thought the bleeding was maybe trauma from the suctioning and she was also on wharfrin which thins the blood so a little bleed would look a lot worse , the time was midnight I asked him what the plan was , he told me they would put my mom on a ward

And she wouldn’t get her medication until 5am and see a doctor the next day , I said I didn’t think this was good enough , she usually has her medication at 9pm and hadn’t taken it because of going to hospital , without her medication she could go into extremely painful

Muscle spasms , I spoke with my mom the bleeding from the suctioning had reduced a lot hardly any coming up the tube , we thought maybe yes it was just trauma bleeding , my mom was very anxious to get back home , she hated hospitals because of her experience with hospitals and

She’d spent so much time in hospitals , my mom and I made a decision to go back home , I would stay up all night sat next to her in her bedroom to watch over her if anything wrong straight into ambulance .

I stayed up all night , she was ok , she woke up at 8am she didn’t need suctioning there was no blood everything seemed fine , I told her I was gonna make a cup of tea and then come back in , gave her a kiss on the head and went into the kitchen , just as I’d put the kettle on

The home help came through the door and went into my moms room to wash and dress her , they’d only just gone in the room when they were shouting me I felt sick what was wrong ? I went into my moms room and my mom was dead she’d got quite abit if blood coming out her tracheostomy

I was in complete shock but I tried to resuscitate her but she was gone . I couldn’t get my head round what had happened in 2 minutes of me leaving the room . I was a complete mess , I’d dedicated myself geared myself completely up in looking after my mom and keeping her healthy

For two weeks all I thought was did we do the right thing in bringing her home , should I of left the room to make a drink what happened in that time frame My mom had a post mortem, it found she’d had a mass internal bleeding , heart failure , crystallised lungs , kidney failure

I asked the coroner would it of made a difference had shebeen in hospital , he said no it would not of made a difference where she was nothing could of been done , he said she didn’t suffer at all went out like a light .

It answered all my questions and worries . We did the right thing coming home , my mom always told me she did not want to die in hospital as she’d spent long enough in hospital .

I’ve got on with my life the best I can , I got diagnosed with autism in 2017 , I’m also diagnosed with cptsd , social phobia , anxiety , chronic depression , chronic trauma , I’ve gone through a lot too much sometimes I don’t know how I’m still here .

I’ve got my wife and my 3 boys and my daughter , and without them I don’t think I’d still be here , they keep me going , my eldest son Jake who’s 9 is also autistic , I’m very protective of all my children but especially Jake .

I make sure he and all my children have what I never had a parent who loves them , protects them, I’d do anything for them , they have kept me alive without them I know I wouldn’t be .

Sorry this thread is so long , it’s helped get it out there and off my chest a little , talking always helps me , always feels like a weight off me when I talk , I never want anyone to do anything for me but just talking so helps .

Anyone suffering mentally just talk to someone don’t be frightened to talk always has to be the right person to talk to but always talk .