(Thread) Okay so, I think I need to become honest here for everyone.

My mental state has gotten down the shithole, a lot.

To the point where I just don't want to exist anymore because of anything coming to my head and fucking with me.

Whether the cause be past mistakes or present mistakes that I'm trying to fix on, to me feeling complete isolation at this moment with the whole COVID-19 (unfortunately, this amplified my depression), feeling like I may stroke someone's bad side at some point and time -

For whatever reason (even irl), to simply just posting anything I like and then have the extreme side of people go and judge my person for liking things I do.

There's also a lack of self-value over myself and it's been -

Very prevalent since my teenage phase, especially after going through one of my worst phases of my life. Hence why I've used anime as a massive coping mechanism for it back then.

I don't value myself as much and I don't have any no matter how much I try to do so unfortunately.

Unfortunately, I'm in a position where I feel like there's a whole load of bricks falling at me, and no matter how many people try to help me it's just going to happen no matter what.

I just feel like I'm just a goner at this point, even though I'm aware saying that -

Will just make people even more concerned about me with the implications in mind.

My mom has recently noticed that my recent feelings are concerning, since I've been nothing but feeling sad for a good while. So, I was kinda disingenuous to people in cases.

But in all fairness I did that so I don't cause a concern storm indirectly. I tend to be reserved over my feelings and just focus more on how others are (if I can at least). That's just part of who I am.

But unfortunately it has gotten me so down and today -

Was where I felt the most frustrated and the most damning of myself in a while.

So, I don't know what to exactly do at this point. I just wanted to let that out there.

My feelings are negative as of now. To the point where I just don't want to even wake up at all.