Now's a really good time to seriously talk about what abuse is, what's sexual & what's sexual assault. It blows my mind that a voice of the community doesn't get there's a difference? I'd love to teach-not bash. It's too important to get the lesson, not cancel culture. #DnD 1/

Here's @KiennaS' TTRPG Safety ToolKit
Great Big resource.
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/114jRmhzBpdqkAlhmveis0nmW73qkAZCj
/2

This is my Game Rules sheet for my discord server.
I've let it go fallow for a while. There were some problematic folks in it and I'm deciding what to do with it.
For now, if you can use these and adopt them for your games, be my guest. /3 #DnD https://www.evernote.com/shard/s537/sh/9e22ce04-c338-459b-8428-c05b5daab8be/c1d334ecd8c3316418e4acbb179a2f19

Now for the hard stuff: When a DM messes up.
Now, I know this is hard & uncomfortable but this is what has to happen:
First, Take responsibility or your actions.
Don't deflect, don't blame. Be honest.
Own your actions. Be open to hearing from your players. #DnD /4

A lack of safety measures is no excuse for a DMs unethical actions that removes agency from a player.
When it's sexual abuse, of any gradient, that's exponentially abusive, & can effect the trust of the whole table & can break a game. (I've walked from tables re this)
#DnD /5

After owning up to a serious breach of player trust, or player abuse,
Next, apologize to your player for causing them harm.
Apologize to the table for breaking trust.
Don't make excuses about lack of safety protocols. As a DM part of your job is to keep trust & Safety. #DnD/6

Deflecting to RULES.. and not owning responsibility for Behavior is a Key element in not addressing toxic masculinity, and not facing abusive behavior.
In the Far Verona apology video, while it's still fresh, both gents couldn't face naming the actual abuse. I get it.
#DnD /7

Saying "I sexually impinged on someone's PC" is a bitch to own for anyone, any DM. PC rape & molestation is always upsetting.
THIS:
*Sexually Explicit Does Not Equal Sexual Abuse.*

That's a crucial toxic misconception that needs to be learned and understood. #DnD /8

Also:
*Sexually Explicit Does Not Imply or Condone Sexual Abuse*
ERP and Erotic Content games should have a much more complete set of safety, consent, trigger, safe word and line item yeas and nays for game play. (bon appetit, y'all) #DnD /9

In my opinion, the next step is:
Make amends with your players, even if the game doesn't continue.
Then, talk with others to understand safety and agency & get a new perspective in a new framework to better run games in the future.
IMPORTANT: I don't mean insular talk. #DnD /10

Don't just talk to your supportive dudes or pals.
I mean seek out women, abuse survivors, other gaming community leaders and really hear what they can teach you about abusive language, actions and agency.
I can smell manipulative language instantly and it's a red flag. #DnD /11

The faster the gaming community learns from this, helps others become better humans & better leaders, the safer we all are. There's Still a handful of very visible, very bad apples inside this wonderful group of our NerdFam. Call out bad behavior not to cancel but Teach. #DnD /12

To end on my Lucky 13 - (unintended but fun)
Own your Actions, don't deflect to lack of safeguards.
Don't cancel - Call it - Stop it - Change it - & support folks being better always.
And with all my heart:
Don't Forget To Love Each Other. #DnD /End