Last night, I was part of an otherwise lovely Zoom panel with writers I admire. Two of us are Asian American—one Korean, one Sri Lankan—& a racist troll or two crashed our event

I keep thinking of the in-law who recently, when I mentioned the surge in anti-Asian racism, drew on right-wing (also very racist) rhetoric by doubting the racism, saying, "Is that really happening, though?"

& I mean, I was called a Chinese bitch, I'll live. I'll get past this. The two-year-old & six-year-old who were stabbed in Texas by a racist man who attacked them because he thought they were Chinese, though—they'll have a harder time getting past this https://abcnews.go.com/US/fbi-warns-potential-surge-hate-crimes-asian-americans/story?id=69831920

Even the orange clown has acknowledged that, without action, this virus could kill over 2 million Americans. 1.5 million American combatants have been killed in all U.S. wars. It's hard not to imagine what's to come, & who'll be considered the enemy

even the way I just said "I'll live, I'll get past this," I'm noticing that I'm brushing away how it felt. This Zoom panel was the first time I've done anything "public" in a month, & so, the first time I did anything public in a month, voilà, racism

So, let me not brush it away. I cried after the panel, thinking about how shitty and shaky so many of my Asian friends feel—& how shitty I felt, too. I cried thinking of how this rise in anti-Asian racism is possibly just getting started

the idea that Asians might be a "model minority" has always been a lie born of white supremacy, born of anti-Black racism. It's a lie with evil at its heart. Please don't disbelieve accounts of racism, fuck white supremacy, the end https://twitter.com/sakeriver/status/1245820815762833408

actually no, not the end: Asian Americans have historically not been great at allyship with other POC. I believe we've collectively been getting better, & I know a lot of us care deeply about fighting racism; let's keep getting better, though, much better https://twitter.com/nicolesjchung/status/1243533910329393153

thank you for the kind words, they mean a lot. Yesterday's event was otherwise really so good, & I considered not saying anything about this shit, but there's so much gaslighting about whether racism is even! happening!, good lord