#ABO || #sheith || #trans!keith
When Keith can't deal with the panic attacks and insomnia that come with his heat anymore, he finally decides to sign up for the alpha service system.

(Dunno if I make this NSFW but for now, this is comfort.)
He's awfully shy, takes a somewhat terrible photo of himself for the regristration and fills out every form flung at him. The service is well known and much praised by a lot of other omegas his age that have been unmated.

Still, at 27, Keith feels embarrassed over this.
Now, here he is. Ticking off boxes with questions to make an individual list of options he could pick an alpha from. It's..a lot of questions. But it feels professional and safe.

Unlike any alpha you run into in the streets.
Any alpha in his home town is like the other. Typical. Too many glances. Always trying to initiate unwanted touches. No one respects omega boundaries. Even a single handshake is unneccesary - If not initiated by omega. But does any of them care?

Maybe an hour and a billion ticked boxes later, Keith is finally at a loading screen with possible alphas. The site is still gathering his information, so the omega puts the phone down a second to breathe.

Keith is doing this for himself. Himself only.
At his age, when you're unmated, it's a body's natural response to be anxious and tense. Less sleep. More nightmares.

Omegas tend to be sensitive and in pain when not on surpressants. Keith is embarrassed.

Even if he shouldn't be.
This alpha service? It's a caretaking service. It has good reputation, really, anyone would recommend it.

They have a clear contract and schedule. Of course, all the omegas can, at any given time, break this up and be done with it.
His phone vibrating twice notifies Keith that his list is now ready, and as thrilled as he is, he needs one more breathing excercise before looking.

There is maybe five or six different options, and Keith doesn't like either of their bios, before scrolling back up to see-
-a 100% recommendation named Takashi.
Keith scoffs. As if a few questions could make up the perfect match-
He looks the profile over. And again. And again. And notices: Fuck. This alpha might actually fit.
Naturally, Keith hesitates anyways. It's not until the day after that he finally initates contact, tapping this Takashi's number to open a chat.

>Hi, you're from this service site, Takashi, right?

Ouch. That sounds horrible, but what else should Keith type?
Weirdly enough, the response comes quick.

>Good morning. Yes, that is correct! I'm pleased to meet you, Keith. If you like, you can just call me Shiro :)

Attached is a gif with a dog. It's adorable. Keith wants to be skeptical. He isn't.
>So um..what exactly happens now?

That's even worse, God. But he has no clue, it's his first time using a service, don't blame him!

>Considering your preferences, I can offer to talk to you on week days 8 to 12 and 3 to 9!
>I'm seeing you'd also like calls?
Shit. That's right. Keith would like to hear a voice that might calma him down

>Yeah, I uh..I deal with some bad disorder stuff and I've read it's based on my omega sex so I thought, this might help.

>I see! A lot of people consider this type of service for the same reason.
Keith huffs. He didn't use the word omega. He just said people.
Maybe this was a good choice. Shiro is awfully polite. Awful enough to soothe Keith into conversation.

>If I had a panic attack, would it be possible to call you? For help?

Shiro..types. And types some more.
>Absolutely. I'm trained in emotionally supporting and taking care of mental health patients. Regardless of their sex. I am available at any time if you need to call me. I can promise you, I will be able to professionally calm you down.

Keith's eyebrows shoot up at that.
It's not that he's skeptical. He's just...impressed. He vaguely knows this guy's appearance but matching with how he texts he can pretty much imagine he /could/ actually relax Keith.

>That..thank you. And texting means..literally any kind of conversation?
A few minutes pass. Keith worries. But then realizes the alpha probably has several clients.
That makes him feel...less special? Which is stupid, because it /is/ a service. This is not Keith's mate, nor will he be.

>Of course! You can tell me about anything!
Keith hums, not knowing what to say, then:

>Tell me about your day, what you ate, your hobbys - and obviously as this contact platform is discreet, you can always tell me about your past and struggles too. Unlike friends, there's no dismissing you or neglecting.
>A lot of times friends and family won't understand or not be there, maybe give false advise or simply make it worse.

Shiro continues his explanation, so Keith just sits on his bed, reading.

>But as a trained alpha, I will listen to anything you say and give proper replies.
Well, if that isn't the best thing Keith's ever read from an alpha..mark him down as a liar.

An offer to listen. To anything. Committed to Keith's needs and wishes. An alpha.

#mention #of #rape
You'd ask that from anyone in his town, they'd laugh or rape Keith, probably.
>Sorry. That was a lot of information. How about I'll let you have some time to process this, and you contact me when needed?

Keith blinks and focuses back onto the screen.

>Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you.

>Of course, Keith.

The omega blinks again. Turns the phone off.
At first, he doesn't know what to say. Who would want to read boring information about Keith's boring life as an omega man close to his thirties?

Shiro would. Or well, at least due to their contract he would.

Maybe Keith likes to pretend that the alpha is interested in him.
He sends Shiro photos of his coffee, his dog, tells him about his job at the local photo&printing shop. It pays enough, but it's not the nicest enviroment. Lots of alphas that demand too much touch when Keith prints photos or hands them out.
Too much scenting when he takes photos
Too many eyes on him. Too little protection.

Any alpha would have probably said it's Keith's own fault working at a space like that. Just quit. Or cry.

But Shiro?

>That absolutely sucks. Your job isn't visually pleasing some knotheaded alphas. You'd think genes would spare-
-them some braincells but..

That actually draws a laugh from Keith.

>I know, right? Bastards. Not to shit on alphas in general, but literally any alpha customer I've dealt with was exactly like this. It's exhausting.

And it only increases his daily anxiety.
>I really think that government should make safe spaces workplaces for omegas. There's jobs they can do, and there's jobs they should do.
And a job being in an enclosed space with alphas?

Shiro sends a gif of a siren. Keith snickers into his hand.

>Definitely agree.
A few days pass and Keith decides, the next time they text, he'll ask about Shiro.
Turns out he's far more interesting than the profile said.

>This here is my main ocupation due to education & skill but I also love to walk dogs on weekends.

Keith doesn't wanna assume, but..
>That sounds like a lot of spent time. What does your partner do?

Keith didn't want to go asking "Are you single?" Because, well, it seemed rude? And embarrassing.
His phone vibrates.

>I'm single. No partner doing nothing.

Now the omega feels like an ass.

>I'm sorry.
And, wow Keith, you're so good with words!

If Shiro is hurt, he doesn't show it. Professional and all.

>No worries at all. Gives me more time to do a good deed and help people in need."

He doesn't say "omega".
He doesn't say "like you".
Keith smiles down at his phone.
It's four days later at two AM that his body wakes him with pain and too much heat and sweat. Keith is crying, shaking, and he feels his fangs cutting into his lip, his scent screaming vulnurable all over his bedroom.

He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't.

He does.
Relucantly, he picks up his phone and stares at the screen of his conversation with Shiro whom he left on read when he doesn't know how to reply.

And the alpha never presses for conversation. Lets Keith initiate.

Keith initiates. He calls, hopeful, his scent already soothing.
It's soothing because he knows there's someone on the other end willing to take care of his needs. His pain.

Shiro picks up after the third ring, sounding a little groggy.

"Keith." He breathes, waiting if the omega wants to speak first.

"Is everything okay?" Shiro continues.
And then Keith breaks. He starts sobbing ugly, tears and snot, his face a grimace of pain while his heart beats so loud that he feels and hears it.

He's glad the alpha doesn't see him.
He's also glad that Shirp has the goddamn voice of an angel. Deep, calm, wonderful.
"Oh, Keith, it'll be alright. Did you have a bad dream?"

Keith nods, then blushes because Shiro can't see him not. Idiot. He's red with shame.

"You could say that." Keith finally managed and picks at the skin of his knee, self-conscious.
Unmated heat anxiety. Pain. Insomnia.
He doesn't mention these. It's in the form he filled out.
The alpha hums. "Do you want to talk about it? Or would you like a distraction?" Both sounds inviting but...

"Please." Keith chokes out. "Please distract me?" It's too much to talk about and through his sobs impossible.
"Alright, Keith. I'll talk, no worries." For a hot second, the omega had feared to be called "baby". A lot of alphas claim that pet name for any vulnurable omega without permission.

Shiro doesn't. "If you like, lie back down or stretch, if you can get up maybe eat or drink?"
It's a question. A gentle offer. Not a demand. Not an alpha voice used on Keith. He relaxes his shoulders.

"I'll make tea and put you on speaker?" The omega asks weakly and hopeful.

"Of course." Comes fast. So, Keith slowly rises despite the pain and trembling.
While his kettle boils water, Keith sits on the kitchen counter and listens to Shiro's voice.

"..then I went to my neighbour who's currently on vacation to feed her dog. The dog is literally the tiniest thing ever, it looks like a rat too, and he doesn't like me at all! So.."
Keith closes his eyes, feeling the pain ebb away slowly. Gradually. He feels his heart beat fall into place, he feels the worries and angst die down.

"..didn't you say you have a dog?" Shiro asks suddenly, and Keith almost jumps. "Oh- y-yeah um, he- he sleeps in his own bed."
Shiro hums. "Not a cuddler?"

Keith chuckles. "Not too much. Sometimes. But he needs space to move around. He's always on his feet somewhere, basically teleporting around." The omega explaind and pours his tea.
"I see. And what is his name?" Shiro asks, ever so gently. Keith can't believe his own body at this point, melting to it.

"Kosmo. Or at least, so far that's the only word that draws a reaction from him." Keith replies. The alpha hums again.
"Do you feel any better, Keith?" Comes after a few more minutes. Keith blinks, stunned, then grows anxious that Shiro wants to leave to sleep.

"Sorry, it's late, um-"

This is the first time that the alpha cuts him off.
"Hey, no, that's not why I asked. I asked because I care-
about your well being. I want to make sure that this here is actually helping. I don't want to have you suffer."


"I feel better, Shiro. Thank you." Keith responds and slurps his tea audibly, the burn down his throat giving him back some humanity.
"I'm glad to hear that. Is there anything else I could do for you?" The alpha asks like he's offering, not expecting.

"No, I mean..I feel okay now, but I would..um- no, it's late, I'll be fine-" Keith stutters dumbly.

"If you would like to talk, Keith, I'm happy to do so."
And talking they do. Until four, at least. By the time Keith is back in his bed, listening and responding to Shiro until sleep finally finds the omega.

He doesn't hear Shiro say "Sleep well tonight, Keith."
After this event, talking to Shiro becomes a natural thing. Not just by text, but one or two calls, too. Usually when Keith feels like he will sleep bad, so Shiro can talk or read to him.

He still has bad dreams, but he handles his general situation better and better.
The origin of his handicaps is genetics based and widely known and common. Unmated omegas of all genders that reach a certain age start releasing chemicals in their body. If their body is unmated, the brain registers them falsley as sick.
Keith, obviously, isn't sick. Just unlucky with love. Many are. But the older you get, the less fertile the omega body becomes, and the false reactions become worse, making the whole body fight.

It starts with pain in his lower body. Many develop unnatural sweating, leading to-
anxiety, eating disorders, depression, insomnia.

There's no cure for it, at least none that works, other than being mated. The bond doesn't need to be sexual, but distance will still slowly beat an omega down.

Hence the alpha service system. Voluntary alphas that offer-
themselves to support omegas. A lot of them are younger than the omegas in need. Shiro is, too. Twenty five. Keith doesn't care at all.

He wakes up to Shiro's text from last night and exhales. So far it had been three times that he had called the other at night. Two weeks.
Two weeks that he's known Shiro.
It gets easier to talk, but also harder. More and more Keith feels the urge to open up and talk, which in return has him very flustered.

>Good morning. I'm leaving for work soon, what are your plans?

Keith is used to the lightning fast replies.
>I have a physical meet up today with a client, this is an automated message. I will be able to reply after 5PM. Please contact ASS for assistance when in need. Wish you a good day!

Keith...is angry. Without having to be. What did he expect? He's not the only one Shiro talks to.
But the two weeks had been easier with someone actually caring around. Sure, he's got friends. Allura, for example, she works the shift after him, and Romelle, the barista that always doodles wolves and ninjas on his cup in funny outfits. "The Blade" She ominously calls them.
But it isn't the same. Allura is a mated alpha. Romelle is a mated omega. And Keith is longing. For something he can trust. Not like the alphas he has to endure like right now.

The larger of the two, when they enter the printing shop is grinning with his two rows of fangs.
It's ugly and crooked. And offensive. And not wanted.

Keith nods politely. "One second, I will be with you asap." He offers and then waits for the printer to finish up the gloss layer of some fanart prints he makes for some artist kid who calls themselves Pidge.
The four alphas cackle and snarl, speaking in a foreign language. It sets Keith's alarms off. This isn't good at all. He's got a single shift today because it's Saturday.

"What can I do for you?"

"We would like a few nice photos of your cute little ass." The ugliest of 'em says
Keith's heart goes /thump thump thump/.

The alphas laugh. Touch the desk. Touch as much as everything. Spreading their scent.

The raven-haired purses his lips and endures their harrassment. "No, for real though...we want photos. By you. Of our knots." More barking laughter.
Keith wants a panic button.
He bareley breathes. Doesn't talk. Oh god, don't cry, you're older than these kids.

But they're taller. Four of them. And there's no one in reach.

The group of alphas finally clear their /hilarious/ jokes up and have their passport photos taken.
The second the shop door falls closed and they stagger off, Keith falls in on himself, hugging his knees. His body is betraying him, aching for alpha scent, while his brain registers the scent as heady and dangerous and teritorial and-

He's sobbing and shaking before he knows.
It's bad, so bad, his body hurts and Keith is tugging his hair, audibly crying into his legs while he tries and fails to calm down.
His anxiety makes him feel all this ten times worse, there's no fucking air in this room, just alpha pheremones and FUCK.

Keith runs. Runs to the back door. Ignores anything else. Just runs and sits on the steps, trembling and holding himself.

He wants - needs - to be held.
He needs an alpha to hold him and scent him with warmth and safety and trust, but all he gets is the mild stink of nearby trash cans and cars rushing by. Keith feels like dying.

Later that day, when he knows Shiro is apparantly back and available, he can't make himself text him. It's just baggage. Just..pathetic shit no one wants to hear.

Shiro has other omegas to care for. Keith feels unimportant.
But he's also sad. And angry. And needy. He calls Shiro, reluctantly.

Shiro picks up after the third ring.

"Keith, hey! Hope you've had an okay day!"

His voice makes anger fall from Keith. He's still upset, but he feels better. He forgets to respond.

"Sorry! Um-" The omega doesn't know what to say now. He's blushing gradually.

"Are you alright, Keith? Did anything happen?" And that's it, Keith's heart opens up involuntarily and he sniffles.

"Actually, yeah. Can I talk about it?" He croaks, and Shiro sounds concerned when-
he replies. "Oh, of course, Keith. Please do. Your pace, I have time for you. Don't force anthing."
Keith smiles and blinks tears away. "Um..uh, I kind of..had this situation? At work-" There's an ugly sob. "And there was this group of alphas saying some rude sexual shit."
He pauses there, but Shiro doesn't interrupt. Patiently waits.

"And uh..I panicked. And the whole shop reeked of them. So I broke down and-" Keith exhales and stares at the ceiling so he won't cry.

"And I felt so fucking shitty. I couldn't defend myself because- because-" Fuck.
"Because they could have taken that as invitation to act on." Shiro states. Keith nods. And realizes again, Shiro can't see him nodding, and it's all too much so he cries again, wailing.

Shiro waits politely for a chance to speak. "I am so incredibly sorry, Keith." He murmurs.
It's the only alpha whose word Keith would trust.

"You shouldn't have to put up with that. Just because you have an unbonded scent is not an invitation to harrass you. Gods, I'm sorry Keith. If I was with you, I could make you some tea and a heating pad."
Woah. Shiro really is professional. He knows about the lower body pain that heat helps with. And remembered Keith drinking tea in these situations. It makes him feel cared for.

"That would be nice." Keith finally speaks, even if it's more of a groan. He's all snotty now.
"Hey. Don't think about those knotheads anymore. You're home now and safe. No one will hurt you."

And Keith swears he smells calm alpha scent - or is just starting to get anxiety visions.

Maybe it's just the influence Shiro has on him. "Yeah. Safe. Thank you."
Shiro isn't done though. "I'm right here. I can stay up with you tonight, if it helps. Don't want you to have bad dreams."

Keith sounds way too hopeful. "Really? You'd do that?"

He expects an "It's my job."

"I care about you, Keith. You're not alone." Shiro says convincingly.
It's the nicest thing any alpha has said to him in years. It's easier like this too, digitally talking. Even if it makes Keith crave Shiro to physically take care of him.

He isn't there yet though. He wonders if he will be, ever, with how he is. With his past.
"Is there anything in particular I can do for you? You don't need to talk if you can't, Keith." Shiro says after a pause and Keith finally gets up to put Shiro on speaker & gather his too large dog in his lap. Poor Kosmo barks nervously, awake now, and nuzzles Keith protectively.
Keith doesn't talk, just rocks his large pupper in his lap, and Shiro doesn't ask. He never does.

"You know, there's a lot of shooting stars here currently. I don't know if you can see them from your window, but they're coming down like rain here." Shiro says slowly.
Keith does turn to check, but the lights of the city blur the nightsky.

"No, no stars at all."

He wishes there were, so he could wish that all this would find an end and stop torturing Keith.

"That's a bummer. It's really beautiful. I think you'd like it." The alpha continues.
This continues for a few hours. Shiro talking away, filling Keith's empty, dark room with magic and warmth and his pretty laugh. Never expecting Keith to talk. It's so nice and familiar, that Keith soothes and relaxes his body quickly.

He feels like dissolving into stardust.
When one AM nears, the omega feels sleepiness catching on.

"Shiro?" He whispers softly, scared to break the calm spell the alpha had put on him.

"Yeah, Keith?" Shiro asks just as gently.

"Thank you for talking to me. I feel much better and ready for bed." He admits.
"No worries at all. It's my pleasure." Shiro chuckles.

But Keith is already sleeping before he could hear.

In the morning, Keith doesn't wake in a sweat, nor with a start.
He blinks his eyes open, relaxed. Takes his time, making coffee, sitting before Kosmo demands breakfast with a bark and a few sighs.

Keith hates the sighs. Kosmo sounds like a depressed old man. Like himself.
Then he wonders, is he really that old? A fertile omega has their mating high at age sixteen to twenty-four. Keith is just 27.

But that's probably not why he feels like this. It's the being unmated and unbonded. He scoffs into his mug. There's reasons he's not bonded.

Keith finds himself thinking that Shiro maye enjoys hearing himself talk three weeks into their..well, relationship? Whatever.

Either way, it's another late night with a bad sleep and Shiro talking him through it, another night that Keith is longing weirdly.
"...so they made a toaster with enough space for ten toasts. Though, honestly, Matt didn't really know at what heat toast is toasted and uh-" Shiro giggles unfairly cute.

"It blew up?" Keith helps.
More laughing.

"It blew up and the sprinklers went off in the house."
That makes Keith chuckle. "Sounds wild. I hope they're okay."

Shiro stills his laughing. "Oh yeah, he got into trouble but in the end made the toaster work. His sibling doesn't trust the toaster though."

Keith rolls onto his back, phone next to him on a second pillow.
An idea hits him. But he feels like it's inappropiate.

"You're alright still, Keith?" The alphas voice makes him pudding, so Keith asks anyways.

"Is it um...okay if we video chat? Not right now but.."

"Eventually?" Shiro finishes for him and Keith, dumb like he is, nods.

It's four weeks now, and he is texting Shiro about as often as possible. Calls at night. Or when panicking. Generally spends a lot of time just talking.

Keith could look up his photo again because he bareley remembers his appearance, but.. no, there's really no reason.
He's just..nervous. shy. Anxious? Whatever it is, it's stupid. Shiro had voluntarily agreed to video chat if Keith feels ready.
So why does the omega feel weird now? They've talked so much.
He can be mad about it later. Currently he's at the pharamacy to get his surpressants refill.

"Kogane..Kogane...huh. Not on my list."
"Excuse me?" The omega's heart drops immediately.

"You weren't at your check up last week. Your meds are hold back."

That's not just his heat surpressants. This is anxiety medication, insomnia medication and his pill for when he panics too extremely. He is depending on this refill for life.

His heart is leaping out of his chest.

"No check in, no refill, sorry, darling." The alpha shrugs.
Keith shudders at the nickname, uncomfortable, unsafe.

The alpha touches his wrist. "Just sign this thing here and then you can get a check up next Monday, then your refill."

Keith wants to vomit into his face. He does sign though, despite his whole body trembling.

Off meds.

This day when Keith goes home, he fears for the worst. He fears a heat hitting him. He fears internal pain. He fears his scent will change enough so that any second an alpha will break into his house and abuse him.

It's bad, and with every step, it gets worse.
At a certain point, the omega feels like suffocating. Breathless. Like he should sit down and take it easy before he tips over and faints.

But Keith can't just stop. There's people all over, and maybe it's the anxiety but they all smell so strong it's overwhelming.
It feels like he's seeing noises and hearing colors, a nightmare blend at daylight, and his heart thumps and thumps and-

"Woah there!"

A hand grips his neck - not his jacket, his actual neck, and yanks him back. Keith watches the car pass that almost hit him in his daze.
The alpha behind him still has her hand on his neck. "You suicidal or what? Don't run when the light is red, psycho." She smells like cheap perfume and trash. Keith has only so much self control before baring his omega fangs. "You don't have anyone looking out for you, omega?"
The woman asks, and it pisses Keith off further, which mixes bad blood in his head. He needs to run.

"Hello? I'm speaking to you, honey." Her hand moves to Keith's shoulder.

The omega almost snaps at her with his teeth before storming off, every step so fucking slow and heavy.
But he runs, Keith runs for his life because what if she got a whiff of him or tries to locate him or what if-

He makes it home. He's home, in his apartment, but he feels restless and unsafe, so he sits for bareley a minute and stands. That basically whips him out.
Keith falls, vision going white and fuzzy too fast, and when his knees hit the floor he falls in on himself, wailing as he hugs his knees. It's also now that his pain hits.

It's now that he'd need his pills. But there's just one set left, and he needs it for work tomorrow.
So, he does what he should do, what he knows he should do without always feeling like a burden, becsuse he isn't-

He takes his phone from his pocket. Keith never took his shoes off, he notices.

Then he hits the call button in Shiro's chat. The alpha picks up after the 3rd ring.
"Keith. Hey, how're you?" Shiro starts casually, and the omega bareley opens his mouth before his omega self takes the better of him.

He lets go of a loud trill that signals he's in need for is alpha, and it's so embarrassing because Shiro basically doesn't even know Keith.
"Fuck!!" Keith yelps, and then he starts sobbing, ashamed and angry with himself. "I didn't mean to- I'm sorry, I-"

Shiro rustles, then inhales. "Please don't apologise. It's literally what I'm here for."

Keith nods and hiccups, tears staining the glass of his phone.
"Can I help you in any way Keith? I want to calm you down. I am sure your situation is really bad and you have my full attention." Keith is...unnaturally glad to hear an alpha promise that.

But Shiro? God, he wants this so bad.
"I um...can we maybe do the uh.." Keith tries and sniffles, rubbing his face with the puffy sleeves of his hoodie. "Can we do the video call right now? If you don't mind."

"I don't mind, Keith."
Keith exhales shakily. "Give me a moment please I'll... I'll just grab some tissues and go find Kosmo." His voice is tiny and scared.

"Of course, Keith, take your time."
But he doesn't want to take his time.

He wants to see his- to see the alpha. And feel safe.
He wants to relax and have all this pain taken off him and his anxiety so low he can pretend he doesn't have it, and he needs Shiro for it.

With Kosmo on his lap and some tissues close, the omega wipes his face one more time before consenting that Shiro opens the video option.
A screen opens on his phone, and so Keith tips it horizontal to fully look at the alpha.
Shiro is unfairly pretty. Silver hair among warm, grey eyes. A dimple, a a strong jawline. Filed fangs, no dropped jaw to intimidate. Just how Shiro talks. Like the safe place Keith knows.
He's gorgeous and he makes Keith feel better with just a smile, so why does he start crying again?

God he's hopeless and dumb, and so lonely.

"Oh, Keith, you don't need to talk about what happened, but I would really love to help. Do you think you could?" Keith considers it.
And why shouldn't he? Shiro won't abuse his information or laugh or tell him to square up. This alpha is on his side.
"I forgot to show up at check up last week so now they're holding my meds until my rescheduled appointment."
A pause.

"How much have you left?" Shiro asks cautiously.

"One dose. For work tomorrow."


Yeah, fuck indeed. Keith's fucked without the surpressants. It already is driving him nuts with how hard his lower body hurts and how much he sweats and his ragged breathing-
He wants to die.

"I can't..I can't go to work. What if- what if it's not enough or I panic or- I don't know I just..I need the job." Keith sobs and hides his face.

How much he wants Shiro to hold his face. To have an alpha scent him into calmness. But it scares him too much too
It has always scared him.

"I'm so sorry, Keith. Is there anything at all I could do for you?" The alpha asks, softly as ever. And maybe, just maybe Keith could just..talk.

"Can I...talk about something? Is that okay?"

"Of course, it always is." Shiro's smile is blinding.
Keith shuffles around, cleans his snotty nose and then puts one arm on the headrest of his couch, gazing at the alpha for a while too long, thinking

'This man's smile could end wars'

And well, Shiro is ending the war inside his anxious brain, for now.
"I've been taking surpressants for a very long time from young age on because my mother has a chronic disease that makes her scent extremely strong and you could smell a change so fast that many took advantage of it." Keith begins to lay out.

"I inherited it."
Shiro hums, notifying he's listening.

"So, once I turned nine and my sex was clear, my mother took me to see the doctor and ever since I've been taking them."

There's a pause and Shiro doesn't interrupt, just listens on.
Keith's shoulders relax a little. His voice steadies.
"When I was about the age of when your heat should hit and your body is in it's most fertile phase, my doctor had to basically drug me for those years so I wouldn't disassociate or have a panic bad enough I'd hurt myself."

Keith blinks away tears again, hand ruffling Kosmo's fur
"I couldn't mate. During that time. Until being twenty four. My body would have literally made me cramp up and I could have- you get the point."

Keith exhales.

Shiro waits, smiling encouragingly but not pushy.
And what else is there to loose? He's knees deep in now. And Shiro really, really does seem to care, so the omega goes on.
#mention #of #abuse #sexual #harrassment
"So, an omega that can't mate at all during his most fertile season. No one wants that. No alpha would date me just emotionally based. I tried, but they always got so touchy and tried to get into my pants and then they- they-"
Keith swears softly and rubs his red face.

"They'd yell at me or push me or try to use their alpha voice on me to make me obey. I was scared and I didn't know what to do so I stopped trying."

He speaks a little fast now, embarrassed.

"Now I'm 27 and alone and so stupid."
Shiro grimaces then, finally.

"Keith you're not stupid for protecting yourself. You're touch sensitive. Your body could have failed you. It's as you said a disease."

"My mother overcame it. She had me at twenty nine." Keith scoffs, still mad at himself.
"She had her shit together and mated. She had a kid and never fell into old aged omega pain. She's better than I'll ever-"

For the first time in four weeks, Shiro raises his voice even if his face is still gentle on the phone screen.

"No. Don't say that. You're none of that."
Keith blinks, tired. Waits for Shiro to talk, so he does.

"You've gone through hell by yourself with your body, a pain no alpha can imagine, that instead additionally made it worse and worse. You faced abuse and pain and harrassment. You're so strong, Keith." Shiro says steadily
And Keith almost believes his word.
"You're an omega, you're unmated and taking care of yourself best to your ability. God, you work at a job that's high risk, you've literally just gotten told you won't get your meds. Of course you're anxious and upset. But you're not weak. You're human."

Keith sobs into his arm.
Shiro tries to smile encouragingly and maybe it works.

"You're so strong Keith. You signed up for the A.S.S. and have an alpha care for you. Taking a step towards personal healing is always a step up the stairs, not down." The alpha continues.
And maybe, maybe Keith believes it a little bit. Because it's Shiro and he trusts him. He makes him feel better.
Shiro isn't done yet though.

#mention #of #death

"Before the alpha service system I worked in a mental hospital for omegas that have been through hell like you but couldn't deal with it. Or, worse than you do. Bad coping mechanisms." He explains. Keith listens, focused.
"I've been there two years. Two years of watching people wander around like ghosts, like zombies. All of them waiting for the next one to loose their last bit of sanity. It was horrible. I saw omegas die from the emotional damage." Shiro says, his voice breaking a little, too.
Keith stares at him through the screen, scanning his face. He doesn't find an alpha that wants Keith for anything. He sees a human that cares for him.

Shiro cares for Keith. And it makes his heart do loops.
When Shiro finishes this, Keith notices his breath has gone back to normal and his pain had soothed down. Kosmo had relaxed in his arms too, sighing softly.

He feels..better. Of course he still dreads tomorrow and the day after but...Shiro's with him.
"I've seen people suffer, Keith. I see you suffering. But you're so, so strong. You're normal, too. There's nothing wrong with being unmated and not initiating. It's okay to be scared, it's very very valid." Shiro hums and god, Keith wants him to touch his raven hair.
"I just want it to stop. I hate feeling like this. Unsafe. Handicapped." Keith murmurs, eyes gazing around his living room.

"I can only imagine. But still, A.S.S. is a first step to healing yourself and learning. You'll get through this the way you need. And for as long as you-
will have me, I'll support you everyday." The alpha smiles.

Keith feels weak. Not because of his situation. Just weak for Shiro.
"Thank you, Shiro." He almost purrs. "I think I will be okay now."

Shiro nods, still smiling wide. "Okay Keith. I'm glad I could help. Please don't ever hesitate to seek out my time, I'll be there."

"I'll try." The omega sighs.

"That's all I ask." Shiro finishes their call.
Later that night, he realizes again that he had trilled for an alpha when calling Shiro.

It's so embarrassing and wrong, he hopes Shiro forgives him. It's not like Keith was doing it on purpose! He just..longed for Shiro because of how close the two have gotten.
He wonders if it was wrong.

Then wonders if other omegas did it before.

Then wonders what Shiro does when he physically meets his clients.

It makes Keith ache and the jealousy hurts so bad, he groans. Stupid fucking medication. This night, he can't sleep at all.
And in the morning, when Kosmo steps on his right pec with his full weight to get attention, he feels like he had died overnight.

Kosmo, wagging his tail, apparantly still demands to be fed by the undead, so the omega gets to his feet and-

Falls back into bed. Fuck.
His body, for the first time, is off the medication he depends on. And even if Keith is out of his fertile season for years now, his heat hit just now.

And the pain makes him cry out so loud that Kosmo wails with him, licking Keith's bare knees when he doubles over.
#mention #of #vomit

It's so bad that Keith has to sprint to the toilet and throw up from the pain, crying and shaking by the time he's done. He looks terrible in the mirror. He still looks terrible when he takes the last dose of all his medication.

His heat doesn't still.
Instead, it gradually becomes worse and worse, to the point that he feels like he needs to call his work place to stay home.

But he can't do that. He needs the job. Even like this, he's got to go, so he does. He doesn't feel strong like Shiro had said. Keith feels miserable.
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