So there is a trend where the fash take deep and abiding offence at the idea of content warnings, safety tools in RPGs, and so on. One factoid that comes up is this idea that it's "Scientifically proven" that 'coddling' victims by not exposing them to triggers worsens the trauma.

So, let's talk about that.

First up, not everybody who these tools protect is going to be dealing with trauma responses. It's pretty normal to find certain topics very upsetting (merely because you have empathy) and not to want to deal with them in the hobbies you engage in for fun.

Some people are gonna have their fun ruined by including particular topics, and since we presumably want our games to be fun, we use those safety tools to prevent that.

Normal, healthy humans take steps to avoid upsetting their companions needlessly.

But lets go on to actual trauma and the effects it can have on your games as a survivor. I'm gonna be drawing on my own experiences here, so potential content warnings for abuse, strangling, and violence.

I feel It's probably reasonable to point out that I'm an abuse survivor, and that I also often enjoy games that deal with dark topics, which sometimes includes things mirroring my experiences of abuse (and/or house fires).

My sources here are twofold: Stuff my therapists told me, and coping strategies I have developed on my own. No, I can't quote properly cited accademic sources. You'll just have to trust the words of an actual survivor, and her (presumably properly trained) therapists.

The key point I'm gonna make is that, whilst it's accurate that obsessively avoid all possible triggers is unhealthy behavior (or, I think more accurately, symptomatic of far deeper issues), that isn't to say that any and all trigger avoidance/management is bad.

Far from it! One of the most important bits of advice was to try to manage my exposure to triggers, so that I'd only be exposed in safe, controllable environments. Total obsessive avoidance isn't a good idea, but neither is blithely sticking my face in every possible trigger.

And this matches up to my own experience. A trigger I didn't expect and can't control is *much* worse than one I can predict and have control over!

Let me give you an example. About four years ago, the brother of a girl I lived with tried to strangle me in a fit of rage. Since then, feeling pressure on my throat panics me. I want to lash out or forcefully rip whatever's on my neck away.

Sometimes I wake up and feel my bedding has settled on my neck, and this sends me into a total panic. I'll squirm around and blindly claw at it until its gone. Normally, I won't get to sleep again after that happens.

On the other hand, I've been wearing facemasks lately whenever I go outdoors, and those put a persistant pressure on my neck, just under my chin where his hands went. So why doesn't that prompt a similarly strong reaction from me?

There's a few factors at play:
-I deliberately put it there myself
-I know when I'll be able to take it off again
-I know that there's a good reason it's there
-I know that if the sensation did become overwhelming, I could safely and easily remove the mask in seconds.

What this adds up to is the fact that I'm in control of the situation. I prepare myself for the initial response, screw my courage to the sticking place, and push past it. It's not nice, but it's doable, and every time I've masked up its got a little easier.

So, what about TTRPGs?
Another set of angsty backstory I have involves people with power over me using provocation & guilt to gain further power. It's complex, so I'll just throw it under "emotionally abusive controlling behavior".

Now, I've played in a couple of vamp games where that exact dynamic has come up. I portrayed characters on the receiving end a few times, and doing it to a victim once.

In all these cases, it's been something I've discussed with the ST ahead of time. We set boundaries, and plan how to dial things right back if it all gets too much. In fact, the way it's something I've been strongly affected by has got me more invested in those PCs and plots.

I've also been in an online game where the ST sprung that power dynamic on me unexpectedly, and without knowing my history. In that case, I logged out, had a little cry, and never logged back in. That game didn't feel safe anymore.

(This is an issue I have with X-Cards. By the time I'm triggered, it's too fucking late. You need communication ahead of time to mitigate problems or - at worst - an early signal to dial things back. By the time you hit 'I need this to stop immediately, shit's already gone wrong)

So, in these cases, I find the use of safety tools empowering. They let me engage with and get satisfaction from topics that I otherwise wouldn't be able to. Of course, safely exploring trauma is a Sometimes Food, and sometimes I'm gonna just say 'no thank you'.

I will immediately nope out of even quite mild traumatic stuff if it's unexpected and/or I have no control, because that shows that I can't trust whoever just did that. By comparison, I might delve into some really heavy stuff if that trust is there.

The key thing about these tools is that theyre there to facilitate communication & trust, which is what this is really about. Feeling secure allows trauma victims like me to carefully interact with these topics, if they want to. Callous forced exposure, however, is just horrible.

Anyway, these thoughts are based on my own experiences. Hopefully, they're helpful. Other survivors' experiences and approaches may vary, and you should listen to them too.

As a final note, the dickheads advocating for exposing people to nasty stuff are basically always neither mental health professionals nor trauma survivors themselves, so you can safely discard their views.

What they're advocating for when they say not to use safety tools is the idea that trauma victims should be unexpectedly exposed to triggers they have no preparation for or control over. You know, the bad unhealthy kind of exposure that reduces me to a feral panicked wreck.

Needless to say, this is both very cruel (which may be the point, this is the fash we're talking about), and also something no sensible therapist would condone.

As a finaller note, I'm doing... OK. I have my good days & my bad days, but the good days have been getting more frequent over the last few years. I don't think this stuff will ever completely leave me, but I have my coping strategies.
It takes time, but this stuff gets easier.