When U live with a lifelong mental health diagnosis (my case bipolar) you live life planning. Planning to keep well. Your mind is something you’re constantly in touch with. What foods to eat, managing alcohol, gym, enough work/not too much, rest periods, stimulation/distractions

Then along comes bastard #covid19 & overnight all of that is redundant. Ive found the inertia cripplingly frightening on occasions to the point I just sit there numb. Weirdly my normally racing brain is paralysed. I realised my life has been lived bouncing btween safety posts;

Gym,work,friends. Gone as I knew it. These 3 weeks have been like taking the armbands off a learner swimmer & throwing them in the Atlantic. That’s how I’ve felt. Ive not said it. Instead of constantly trying to live life in spite of BP (which is exhausting) Ive said to myself

“This situation is WEIRD! Movie level WEIRD! You’re not in control!” So I’ve allowed myself (almost) to be shit scared, I’ve de-escalated the endless bloody daily goals I normally live by. I’m really trying to let the world be in control ( total mind f*ck) Previously having a

Sense of control meant I had a good chance of winning against the bad stuff (destructive debilitating thoughts) so I’m not being cross with myself for being scared. This virus is not just about toilet paper & cupboards of pasta. It’s a whole new mental ball game for all of us.

I’ve felt fraudulent on here because I’ve posted my usual jolly shit & it wasn’t the full picture. International Bipolar Day came & went & I didn’t say “hello! That’s me!” I let other braver people down. Many of us are learning to deal with this new normal when our usual coping

Mechanisms we cling onto are gone. Please bear with us. If anyone wants to chat about their #mentalhealth my DMs are open xxx