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So many times in 2018-2019 I had suicide thoughts but never acted upon them. I kept thinking I would get better, that better times would come. I now wonder, should I have just done it then? Part of me says yes, but part of me says no-
But no matter how many times I go back and forth, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’m tired. I’m done. People say to ask for help but it’s honestly easier said than done. Every time I reach out I get nothing back-
I’ve seeked professional help, but I’m never taken seriously. It feels like I’m just another statistic waiting to happen. I’ve tried explaining to people around me why I act the way I do, but they brush it off-
It’s as if I’m using mental illness as a mask. For what, idk. But it’s very real, one day I can be ok the next I won’t be. I feel like metal illness is only taken seriously for clout. People who claim they care really don’t, they just want to be portrayed as good people-
I know people will read this thread and not give a fuck. I’m not asking you to. I know no matter how many people advocate for mental illness it will never be taken seriously by those who’ve never had it. People lack empathy and it’s a shame-
Had I taken my life then, many people would feel sorry. They would question my last moments, my behavior leading up to it. They would say they never saw the signs, that I should have reached out-
I’m speaking on my personal experience, which will not be the same for everyone. I’m not trying to guilt-trip nor am I blaming anyone for a decision I thought of taking. I’m just trying to explain what is going on in my head-
I have friends who will listen to me, and I am truly grateful for them. I just wish I could meet a professional as compassionate and empathic as them. I understand we’re all human, we all go through shit. But don’t be misleading-
Don’t claim you care about mental illness if when the time comes for someone close to you seeks help you just ignore them. Don’t claim you care if you don’t believe that person because it hasn’t happened to you so they must be lying-
If you know you can’t help others then don’t. It’s not your obligation to do so but it is to be truthful. Don’t use someone’s mental illness as a gossip topic because you feel overwhelmed-
I’m not looking for a savior, I don’t expect you to be. But if I trust you with sensitive information and you can’t handle it then let me know. I don’t know where I’m going with this thread, just thinking out loud-
