I'm reading this book on polyamorous relationships and it couldn't have come at a better time tbh. It's called "More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory" there's this part where it dissects the myths around love and stuff

There are many toxic myths about love, but perhaps the worst is that "love conquers all." This myth hurts us in all kinds of ways.

Such as the untold zillions of hours and wasted tears spent by people trying to heal, reform or otherwise change a partner. What is most dangerous is the idea that we're supposed to "give until it hurts"

in fact, for some of us, that the measure of our worth is our ability to give, right down to the last drop of ourselves.

That is wrong. Love isn't supposed to hurt, and we should not and do not need to sacrifice our selves for good relationships.

was having a chat with someone about it and wow I realised Polyamory is trash but I get it. I really get how people get into such systems.

Anyway, another interesting aspect the book brought was the idea of jealousy in a Polyamorous set up.

They say that almost always, jealousy is rooted in some sort of fear: of abandonment, of being replaced, of losing the attention of someone you love, of being alone. If like me you have abandonment issues it becomes a struggle sharing people you love, in fact it's scary af

Jealousy isn't really about the person you feel jealous of. It's about you: your feeling that you might lose something precious to you. That person forgetting about you, or investing in the other people more, being second best... its wild.

I really commend people who can have healthy relationships of that nature coz loving other people without a script is scary. Allowing the people you love to make their own choices without 'controlling' them is scary. That courage

The kind of courage that involves being willing to let go of guarantees - and love and trust your partners anyway. But tbh It is almost impossible to be loving or compassionate when all you feel is fear of loss.

Arg but I guess people can't be "stolen". If some new person tries to "steal" him, he has to consent to being stolen. Veto or no veto, if he wants to stay with you, he will. Soooo but rha noways man.

I'm rambling but I need to make one more point.

Say your partner asks you for an open relationship, what then happens to the hierarchy system? Do you become part of his many relationships or is it you then them? You see that? That stresses me.

Surely without a formal ranking to remind our partners that we come first, we will lose our status, lose the things we most value about our relationship, lose our sense of security, or even lose the relationship entirely?

If you get a handle on communication, compassion and self-awareness; if honesty and jealousy management become a part of your approach to life, then managing multiple romantic relationships becomes easy I guess. I'm far from that I cant even share my mom.