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[1/22] Long thread but, finally home & situated after dad& #39;s funeral ceremony... I knew I& #39;d be sad but, I didn& #39;t expect to be a crying mess as soon as I saw my dad& #39;s casket and him laying in there - It looked like he was just sleeping, but I knew he wouldn& #39;t wake up anymore 
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[2/22] The funeral ceremony went really fast & felt... surreal. It doesn& #39;t feel like this is real life at all-I guess I don& #39;t feel grounded in reality & life kinda feels like a standstill - like I keep forgetting about the virus & #39;cause dad& #39;s passing is what& #39;s infront of me
[3/22] We did a traditional funeral ceremony for him & I& #39;m sure he& #39;d be happy my brother & I did that for him because I know how much traditions meant to himhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face"> Even if we couldn& #39;t go all out & #39;cause of the pandemic... atleast it was something
[4/22] The ceremony was very small & #39;cause of covid19 & we couldn& #39;t go see him off at the cemetery also & #39;cause of the pandemichttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face">I hope that& #39;s the only reason you know? I don& #39;t want dad to feel unloved with not many people seeing him off you know? Despite that it was very pretty
[5/22] The ceremony was beautifully adorned & we sent him off w/things like a 3story house, & car w/chauffeur so I hope he lives the life he wanted in the afterlife~ As a kid I didn& #39;t understand this ceremony but, now as the child sending their parent off I finally saw the beauty
[6/22] I was hesitant if I should share a photo of the ceremony decor but, apparently it& #39;s encouraged in our tradition to take photos in loving memory (not showing the body of course for respect) & I wanna celebrate his life & new life in heaven~
![[6/22] I was hesitant if I should share a photo of the ceremony decor but, apparently it& #39;s encouraged in our tradition to take photos in loving memory (not showing the body of course for respect) & I wanna celebrate his life & new life in heaven~](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EUjsEknU0AAZ-2K.jpg "[6/22] I was hesitant if I should share a photo of the ceremony decor but, apparently it& #39;s encouraged in our tradition to take photos in loving memory (not showing the body of course for respect) & I wanna celebrate his life & new life in heaven~")
[7/22]Also, I thought dad looks very handsome in that photo and the white lily frame was also very pretty. I& #39;m glad we could get a beautiful display set up for him despite the pandemic & many shops being closed from it & not many people could go so, wanna share it w/the worldhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face">
[8/22]I wish I got a better pic of the flower arrangement from my brother & me - it& #39;s a heart which I thought was sweet. It has red Chrysanthemums to & #39;attract happiness& #39; (in the afterlife) & they& #39;re also a funeral flower & the standard white lillies/flowers representing death
![[8/22]I wish I got a better pic of the flower arrangement from my brother & me - it& #39;s a heart which I thought was sweet. It has red Chrysanthemums to & #39;attract happiness& #39; (in the afterlife) & they& #39;re also a funeral flower & the standard white lillies/flowers representing death](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EUkgHqNUMAIjH6N.jpg "[8/22]I wish I got a better pic of the flower arrangement from my brother & me - it& #39;s a heart which I thought was sweet. It has red Chrysanthemums to & #39;attract happiness& #39; (in the afterlife) & they& #39;re also a funeral flower & the standard white lillies/flowers representing death")
[9/22]There& #39;s a part in the ceremony where we had to chant for dad to come home (his spirit) & it made me cry a lot & #39;cause when dad separated from us on his own/him & mom didn& #39;t get along anymore it made me realize I never called him to tell him to come home back then... :(
[10/22]I just kinda let him do his thing & #39;cause he and mom weren& #39;t close anymore.. & he& #39;s his own adult... & idk I guess & #39;cause we all became distant but it made me feel like a bad daughter for not atleast letting him know I wanted him home you know? So, that& #39;s one late regret https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face">
[11/22]Like, maybe if he heard a call asking him to come home.. even if our family dynamic was not the strongest & it was hard talking to eachother/we& #39;re closed off; even if he didn& #39;t want to - I& #39;m sure even that little gesture would have let him know y& #39;know?
[12/22]During New Years he slept on the couch for a bit & it felt nice like old times & I wanted him to move back. Apparently when bro was taking care of him he brought the idea up of moving back too & I was glad he was on the same page but, it didn& #39;t happen in the end
[13/22]I keep thinking back on the last times we were a & #39;normal& #39; family & it was around before I went off to college. Dad was proud of me, but I wonder if I didn& #39;t move far away if things would be different? but, also I wouldn& #39;t have met people I did & be who I am today otherwise
[14/22]I also keep thinking maybe if I could go back in time & do things a lil different like bring me back to that highschool point to have a family dynamic again. Also, funnily enough today when I went out w/a mask someone from HS I didn& #39;t recognize recognized me.. weird timing
[15/22]Anyways, I know I shouldn& #39;t dwell on regrets and I know I can& #39;t go back in time & change things/fix things, but it& #39;s hard not to think about it since I am an over-thinker by nature. Just.. another thing to learn from in life
[16/22] My last words to dad was 1)I thanked him for everything he did for me (even if he wasn& #39;t emotionally there he did a lot still & I know he cared in his own wayhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face">) / I love him
[17/22] 2)Sorry I wasn& #39;t a good daughter or could make him proud, but I& #39;ll keep trying my best to be successful(I always want to be able to pay back people who have helped me in life & I& #39;m sad I can& #39;t for him anymore - I wanted to be able to take care of him), & 3) to protect us
[18/22] After the ceremony we brought his shrine home & he& #39;s home with us now where he always belonged. We have to follow traditions for 100 days - & pray on special days. One day falls on my bday 4/20 so it& #39;ll be interesting but, I& #39;m glad he& #39;s "home" w/us now after these yearshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face">
[19/22]Dad wasn& #39;t always here, so even now that hasn& #39;t changed...just before he would drop by but,now he& #39;s gone for good :( I guess w/that in mind I still can& #39;t believe it..I regret my closed-off nature for not taking advantage of that but,maybe I was upset for him leaving us idk
[20/22] I still can& #39;t believe he& #39;s gone...how he was alive.. about a week ago and now we remember him with a picture on a shrine... Anyways, remember to remind the ones you care about you love them & #39;cause life is short & you never know when someone will suddenly gohttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face">
[21/22] This was long.. & I prob should have done a tweet more but, I just talk a lot when anxious. I know my twitter has been about this mostly (& AC to distract myself) but, it& #39;s just always on my mind thinking about everything & it& #39;ll prob be awhile till things "normalize"https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face">
![[21/22] This was long.. & I prob should have done a tweet more but, I just talk a lot when anxious. I know my twitter has been about this mostly (& AC to distract myself) but, it& #39;s just always on my mind thinking about everything & it& #39;ll prob be awhile till things "normalize"https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable=](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EUkAyLmU8AA7Nib.png "Pensive face")
" title="[21/22] This was long.. & I prob should have done a tweet more but, I just talk a lot when anxious. I know my twitter has been about this mostly (& AC to distract myself) but, it& #39;s just always on my mind thinking about everything & it& #39;ll prob be awhile till things "normalize"https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face">" class="img-responsive" style="max-width:100%;"/>
