Thread by @PomPomThymine, [1/22] Long thread but, finally home & situated after dad's funeral ceremony... [...]

[1/22] Long thread but, finally home & situated after dad's funeral ceremony... I knew I'd be sad but, I didn't expect to be a crying mess as soon as I saw my dad's casket and him laying in there - It looked like he was just sleeping, but I knew he wouldn't wake up anymore

[2/22] The funeral ceremony went really fast & felt... surreal. It doesn't feel like this is real life at all-I guess I don't feel grounded in reality & life kinda feels like a standstill - like I keep forgetting about the virus 'cause dad's passing is what's infront of me

[3/22] We did a traditional funeral ceremony for him & I'm sure he'd be happy my brother & I did that for him because I know how much traditions meant to him

Even if we couldn't go all out 'cause of the pandemic... atleast it was something

[4/22] The ceremony was very small 'cause of covid19 & we couldn't go see him off at the cemetery also 'cause of the pandemic

I hope that's the only reason you know? I don't want dad to feel unloved with not many people seeing him off you know? Despite that it was very pretty

[5/22] The ceremony was beautifully adorned & we sent him off w/things like a 3story house, & car w/chauffeur so I hope he lives the life he wanted in the afterlife~ As a kid I didn't understand this ceremony but, now as the child sending their parent off I finally saw the beauty

[6/22] I was hesitant if I should share a photo of the ceremony decor but, apparently it's encouraged in our tradition to take photos in loving memory (not showing the body of course for respect) & I wanna celebrate his life & new life in heaven~

[7/22]Also, I thought dad looks very handsome in that photo and the white lily frame was also very pretty. I'm glad we could get a beautiful display set up for him despite the pandemic & many shops being closed from it & not many people could go so, wanna share it w/the world

[8/22]I wish I got a better pic of the flower arrangement from my brother & me - it's a heart which I thought was sweet. It has red Chrysanthemums to 'attract happiness' (in the afterlife) & they're also a funeral flower & the standard white lillies/flowers representing death

[9/22]There's a part in the ceremony where we had to chant for dad to come home (his spirit) & it made me cry a lot 'cause when dad separated from us on his own/him & mom didn't get along anymore it made me realize I never called him to tell him to come home back then... :(

[10/22]I just kinda let him do his thing 'cause he and mom weren't close anymore.. & he's his own adult... & idk I guess 'cause we all became distant but it made me feel like a bad daughter for not atleast letting him know I wanted him home you know? So, that's one late regret

[11/22]Like, maybe if he heard a call asking him to come home.. even if our family dynamic was not the strongest & it was hard talking to eachother/we're closed off; even if he didn't want to - I'm sure even that little gesture would have let him know y'know?

[12/22]During New Years he slept on the couch for a bit & it felt nice like old times & I wanted him to move back. Apparently when bro was taking care of him he brought the idea up of moving back too & I was glad he was on the same page but, it didn't happen in the end

[13/22]I keep thinking back on the last times we were a 'normal' family & it was around before I went off to college. Dad was proud of me, but I wonder if I didn't move far away if things would be different? but, also I wouldn't have met people I did & be who I am today otherwise

[14/22]I also keep thinking maybe if I could go back in time & do things a lil different like bring me back to that highschool point to have a family dynamic again. Also, funnily enough today when I went out w/a mask someone from HS I didn't recognize recognized me.. weird timing

[15/22]Anyways, I know I shouldn't dwell on regrets and I know I can't go back in time & change things/fix things, but it's hard not to think about it since I am an over-thinker by nature. Just.. another thing to learn from in life

[16/22] My last words to dad was 1)I thanked him for everything he did for me (even if he wasn't emotionally there he did a lot still & I know he cared in his own way

) / I love him

[17/22] 2)Sorry I wasn't a good daughter or could make him proud, but I'll keep trying my best to be successful(I always want to be able to pay back people who have helped me in life & I'm sad I can't for him anymore - I wanted to be able to take care of him), & 3) to protect us

[18/22] After the ceremony we brought his shrine home & he's home with us now where he always belonged. We have to follow traditions for 100 days - & pray on special days. One day falls on my bday 4/20 so it'll be interesting but, I'm glad he's "home" w/us now after these years

[19/22]Dad wasn't always here, so even now that hasn't changed...just before he would drop by but,now he's gone for good :( I guess w/that in mind I still can't believe it..I regret my closed-off nature for not taking advantage of that but,maybe I was upset for him leaving us idk

[20/22] I still can't believe he's gone...how he was alive.. about a week ago and now we remember him with a picture on a shrine... Anyways, remember to remind the ones you care about you love them 'cause life is short & you never know when someone will suddenly go

[21/22] This was long.. & I prob should have done a tweet more but, I just talk a lot when anxious. I know my twitter has been about this mostly (& AC to distract myself) but, it's just always on my mind thinking about everything & it'll prob be awhile till things "normalize"

[22/22]This year really has been.. something.. first with the passing of my uncle, which lead to me worried about my parents health 'cause they both weren't doing so well... then dad passing... and the virus... I really.. just want this year to get better not worse :( Please

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