since April is #AutismAcceptanceMonth , and i'm frankly sick of hiding it for so long in shame, i'm coming out and saying i'm autistic.

no, this isn't an April Fools joke, despite it being April 1st here.

thread will be following below, because i wanna talk about my experiences.

again, not a joke. that sorta prank would be cruel, but i really couldn't wait much longer

it's true! i am autistic, i was professionally diagnosed as being on the spectrum when i was young.

i was lucky to be diagnosed, because this sorta thing is underdiagnosed in AFAB people.

a part of me is anxious about making this public, because i've been conditioned my entire life to despise such a big part of me.

but, i suppose i can't really accept myself if i continue to hate it.

so, thread of my experiences, and some personal opinions about this topic!

first off: how it's personally affected me.

...

not a lot?

though the term is outdated and kind of offensive, i've been considered "high-functioning", AKA on good days i act near the same as any neurotypical individual.

i can do the same as anyone else, albeit occasionally --

in different ways or methods than others, but not much is holding me back.

i suppose i'm pretty "typical" for an autistic person - i don't socialize as easily, i hyperfocus HARD on certain interests, and at times i can't manage emotions or process them easily.

even for people that know me strictly online, you probably can tell this too.

some interests of mine are very apparent. my favorite media i basically know inside and out, and can talk about for days.

if i'm feeling too overwhelmed or stressed, i may lose my cool --

and escape for awhile to calm down. meltdowns occurred a lot in my childhood, and they still do rarely.

nothing drastic really, and me being autistic doesn't affect my intelligence at all. contrary to offensive myths, we're not idiots, or "robotic". we just function differently.

i probably should've been open about this way earlier, but surely everyone knows how autism is seen as. i was too humiliated to.

anti-vaxx people would rather have dead kids than autistic kids.

autism is treated heavily as a joke, and autistic individuals are seen as subhuman.

when i was diagnosed, i wasn't told ASAP. hell, i wasn't told what they were diagnosing /for/ to begin with.

the diagnosis was hidden from me for months, as if it was something to be ashamed of.

this, along with heavy bullying throughout my life, conditioned me into hiding it.

so, this is why #AutismAcceptance is far more important to me, and to all of us, than #AutismAwareness.

everyone's /aware/ of autism. but most people aren't /accepting/.

Autism Speaks is a popular group, and their primary goal for AGES was to cure us, as if we need to be fixed.

that mindset, that i was subhuman at worst and fixable at best, is what made me struggle for so much throughout my life. NOT my condition.

we don't want, or need a cure. we just want others to have compassion for people that are different from you.

it's not something that affects only kids, and goes away as we get older. we just learn how to hide parts of ourselves as we age.

my disorder isn't going to go away, no matter how old i get or how much i'm forced to mask it. and that's just fine!

sincerely, an autistic adult.

( i'll be adding onto this thread as i think of any extra points i want to cover, so sorry that it's messy. it's a vent thread more than anything.

you're free to ask questions, and retweeting / liking is appreciated! thank you to anyone that's read my rambling this far  )

just, for anyone wondering why i'm making a big deal out of this or whatever.

me being autistic ISN'T a big deal. it's not! that's the whole point of this thread.

it was /treated/ like a big deal through my life though, that's why I hid it for so long. --

[ tw for suicide, ableism, other things ]

i'd have kids through my school years tell me i was either going to kill myself, or end up killing someone else.

i've had family members call me slurs and laugh when i was in the same room.

i've had people scream at me when i was --

already suffering from a heavy meltdown, asking me why i just can't be normal.

and so on...

this is why acceptance is far more important than awareness to me.

to any neurotypicals that may read this, please, listen to our voices. we've been quiet for long enough.