I am a survivor and I believe that our emphasis on child abuse and domestic violence and how it impacts survivors has lead to lack of focus on the chosen action of perpetrators. The child abuse and domestic abuse fields need to catch up: we don’t need you to mandate to us.

We don’t need you to tell us how harmful domestic violence is to our kids. We don’t need your awareness campaigns focused on us leaving. The sexual assault people figured this out a long time ago, we need you to focus on the perpetrators and their patterns and choices to harm.

Telling us that domestic violence is bad for us and our kids is like telling a rape victim currently, living with their rapist, to take a self defense course or cure their addictions (brought on by abuse.) stop focusing on us and start focusing on the people harming us.

We need you to be aware that leaving can kill us. That leaving feels impossible because we are being financially abused. That leaving feels impossible because our perpetrators and the abuser of our children will be granted co custody of our children and then they will continue

To threaten to abuse to coerce to use the children as weapons to silence or harm us. We need you to focus on the perpetrators and their actions. Not blame us for the impact that harm has when we become depressed, suicidal, addicted because NO ONE LISTENED AND NO ONE HELPED

Stop mandating to victims. Stop blaming women who have lived with torturers and abusers and rapists and knew they would die if they left or their children would be taken away from them if they disclosed the abuse because failure to protect systems blame are not DV aware

Don’t believe children’s disclosures because most women who lose their kids in custody disclosed abuse and were not believed. #SickOfIt