Much Ado About Being Cultured In Nigeria
- Dickson (2017)

The infiltration of the west got us indoctrinated into basing our scope of  “cultured” persons on foreign acceptance.

Being exposed is awesome and we all need it. However, when the quest to be exposed leads to pretentious acts and knowledge of foreign stuff becomes the yardstick for determining who is cultured or and who is not, then that leaves me with wanton curiosity.

In law school, during the mandatory dinner organized for us, we were expected to eat in a cultured manner. Food that was meant to be enjoyed became a burden. I saw friends and colleagues struggle with dinning etiquette. Fork and knife mandate became a Beethoven rehearsal.

I am very good with fork and knife (I love it) but how does that make me more cultured than someone who dines with a spoon?
In Nigeria, if I speak English with Igbo influence, my people say I have Igbo tongue. But if a foreigner speaks with native influence, we call it accent.

Fellow Nigerians, that is ridiculous. A lady went for a conference in Greece and after delivering her lectures on International Law was ushered to a wine tasting event to pass the time. Of course she could not decipher one wine from the other. All she knew was the wine was sweet.

The foreigners beside her gave that unwanted stare – “uncultured person”

I did not grow up in a privileged home where folks take their kids for wine tasting events. How does my not telling one wine from another make me uncultured? In defense, our forefathers tasted wine too.

Africa Magic viewers would be familiar with this saying “This Mazi Okeke’s wine tastes good. It is not like Mazi Ezemba’s". Las las, all na wine tasting - it doesn't have to be in Greece. I will appreciate a Russian knowing the difference between fresh palm wine & fermented one.

The quest to be seen as cultured has made many Nigerians go for degree programs abroad and come back with British accent despite growing up in Aba. Admittedly, for some privileged Nigerians, it is just their normal life style and the accent is unforced.

Just because one can hold a conversation in East Cockney accent, Yorkshire or Lekki-British accent doesn’t make one more cultured than one who speaks with Yoruba accent. It only shows your level of exposure.

I remember holidaying in Texas in the Winter of 2013 and my high school classmate came around and took me on a drive. While, conversing I told her how much her accent has changed and she responded that she actually toned it down for me....

... as she usually does when she speaks with Nigerians living in Nigeria and stated that I needed to see her speaking with her Texan friends. I knew better what to expect from such conversation.

I could understand the logic. She is permanently based there and might have to switch accent to avoid having to be repetitive during conversations  - a fact I learnt first hand in Florida as my dad switched accent each time he had to speak to the locals.

I admire the fact that my friend switch or tones down her accent when speaking with Nigerians. I do not understand why someone who goes on holiday or an academic program comes back home and speak to us in foreign accent. How does that make you cultured?

You see Nigerians who don’t have international passport looking at our food as yucky “I only eat Chinese” “I hate swallow”. Taste is acquired. It is nothing to be ashamed or pretentious about.

The taxi driver (a Dominican American) whom we hired through out our stay in Florida, offered to show us a good restaurant to fine dine. Off we went - my dad, bro and I to this Japanese restaurant. Buffet it appeared and I watched my dad and the driver serve themselves....

starters of Oysters, large crabs, Salmon fish and select others from the opulence of the sea with choice wine. They ate with relish (Dad is accustomed to some finer things having dined regularly at Lagos exquisite restaurants)

Bro offered to do same and then came that look…….apparently his stomach and his foodie mind did not agree as the raw salmon made him nauseous. He excused himself to throw up and came back to help himself with some wine to aid his relief.

He loves experimenting with foods but this time, he was taken by surprise. As for me, I saw what looked like jollof rice but they called it Mexican Rice with a prefix I cannot remember (na dem sabi) and a large chunk of chicken. That made my night along with the fruit salad.

I cannot "form" for what will enter my stomach. (I don’t like seafood). I won't pretend to like Pizza more than Amala & Ewedu because I don’t. Yes I love pizza a lot but I’m not gonna be pretentious about it. I can’t eat swallow with cutlery no matter the occasion or continent.

The food will not just go down well. Some people think it is uncultured to eat swallow with your finger in public. Funny right?

An Aristocrat is taught French, German, Latin, Art, Music, Polo, Tennis, Croquet, English and European History, Wine tasting and other finer things

Well heeled individuals who wanted to mingle with the gentry learnt this too. While I can hold my own in any occasion – with the affluent and influential, I can grind it with my naija brothers on the street level. I was raised in Lagos and obtained my Bachelors' in Uniben.

The term cultured has a snobbish undertone to it - which is the major problem. People have varied levels of exposure and experiences. Seeing the series Originals doesn't make you more cultured than someone who knows every episode in Jenifa’s Diary.....

.... when a Dutch can’t tell the difference between a Yoruba and Igbo dressing.

I can tell the difference in wine glasses not because I was raised that way but because I researched. I can tell the capitals of the US States and capitals of most countries for same reason - books

Not underplaying the importance of travelling, it is pertinent to know that one can travel the world on a plane of books while sitting comfortably in your armchair (please travel if you can)

I agree with Atoké that being cultured means not having a closed mind.

Your grammatical expression is more important than the accent in which your message is conveyed. If you pronounce these words “Villa and Pique” in English and Spanish, you’ll get different pronunciations and meaning. It doesn't make you wrong if you use Spanish accent in London.

Listen to foreign commentators and see how the names of our sportsmen are carelessly pronounced with a reckless abandon yet we put in too much effort to pronounce an eleven lettered Polish name with only two vowels.

Being chivalrous – saying please, thank you, excuse me, I’m sorry, respecting women’s right is more important than knowing the logo of Under Armour. Read, open your mind to learning, travel, experience and enjoy the 9ja life and giveaways.

Foreign stuffs are good but our certification of who is cultured shouldn’t be solely hinged on knowledge of foreign things.  Whatever, you do just have enough culture in you to get by in every occasion. Don’t be pretentious of who you are not – it pisses people off.

That you call it dreads don't make you more cultured than those who call it dreadlocks. After all, some still insist it is called locks. Don’t be pressured to be seen as "cultured" if you would still end up dinning with knife and spoon like my colleagues in Law-school

Just when you feel pressured to act against your will power, remember that nobody gets irked when a Briton can’t tell a kunu from fura or moimoi from okpa. Take a chill pill!

I’ll like to know your perception of being cultured. Please do share.

Peace, love and spaghetti

Acknowledgement: Atoké

Largely influenced by her.