Pitch: In my remake of The Sullivans for the #coronavirus era, Grace is shot by police as she stops for a latte and sits on a bench after picking up Kitty from her ballet class. Dave is at home yelling at Andrew Bolt at the time.

John is lost in Bunnings while looking for a hobby and is attacked by a group of tradies fighting over the last trellis.

Terry Sullivan has taken to TikTok. He is a viral sensation and is being featured regularly on our marvellous breakfast television shows every four minutes.

Mrs Jessup, who still has the only landline phone in the street, is calling all her friends to explain that everyone in the street is violating the social distancing laws and likely diseased.

Maggie, whose local pub has taken a major hit, is doing home deliveries of hearty meals, pots of beer and startling pearls of wisdom via Uber but cannot carry on her affair with Dave. Jack is staring out blankly, as in the original.

And poor Tom. Tom went to the local Coles for two packets of toilet paper (max), two slabs of beer (max), two bottles of hand sinister (max) and was run over by an empty tram on the way home. Vale Tom Sullivan.

And Uncle Harry. Difficult Uncle Harry. He and Aunty Rose would not listen to the self-isolating laws and Harry unfortunately died while doing his daily tai chi in his local park. Rose was hit by a group of non-distancing cyclists wearing AirPods en route and did not survive.