Dear PM @narendramodi. Here is my daily morning briefing for you. I am quite upset with you.

So don’t play around like a 4 year old. Sit tight and listen.

We’ve screwed up. Screwed up royally. Do you listen to me?

I am talking about the migrant workers issue here. 1/n

Initially we announced the lockdown without giving any warning.

Not just that. We deliberately misled the poor migrants by saying JantaCurfew is not a precursor to lockdown.

I mean that is on us right?

No no! Of course I won’t say it in public. Just you & me @narendramodi. 2/n

Why can’t they sit tight wherever they are and not spread virus like termites you ask?

Good question.

I am seeing a lot of improvement in you already.

We should always ask questions before taking decisions. 3/n

But may be you don’t want to use the word termites for them. There are Hindus also among migrant workers.

I know. I know. Difficult to believe. Not all Hindus have a balcony even after 6 good golden Hindu years.

So let us restrict termites for how @amitshah defines it. 4/n

Yeah yeah. Coming to the point. I know you get distracted fast.

See, we have a migrant worker issue now.

They are not visible on TV. That we took care.

But they are there.

And they keep calling for attention by silly antics like dying.

Outrageous. That is why I am upset 5/n

And they might keep dying just to defame you. It is really unfair on you. But that’s how it is.

So let’s deal with it.

Let them go home, I say.

To their villages, families & homes.

People who’ve families want to be with them when they are scared of a killer disease. 6/n

Why can’t people sacrifice their family like you, you ask?

Well, slowly we are getting them there. Families are getting sacrificed on whatsapp groups for now. Not enough. But a good start.

We have so many years left. By then we would be ready to sacrifice families for you. 7/n

But let’s forget the emotional argument of families & be rational & bold. I mean let’s save our ass first.

There are two scenarios.

Either some of the migrants are already infected or none of them are infected.

Yes. Those are the only two scenarios. 8/n

Let’s take the first one. That is some of them are infected.

So now we have two options.

a. Allow them, albeit blindly, to go home to their villages, or

b. put them in a relief camp/ask them to stay wherever they are. 9/n

Let us take the 2nd option, that we have preferred now.

To either put them in relief camps or ask them to stay put wherever they are.

Now the assumption is that some of them are infected.

So that would mean in both the above scenarios, there would be a local spread? 10/n

Not just that.

Since they don’t have a job, nor a local safety net, they are now hungry, malnourished & vulnerable.

No sir. Unlike what that really old guy in PMO tells you, we are unable to take care.

We were just a month short of becoming developed country.(Kalam 2020) 11/n

So now we have a more vulnerable population susceptible to local spread (that other spread we have banned) in a highly congested and concentrated setting.

And after 21 days lockdown we might have to ultimately let them go back anyway. They will.

Now with more infections. 12/n

But what if we don’t and close borders for months altogether?

Then please tell me that sir. I don’t want to be stuck with you for that long. These daily briefings are not much fun you see.

Let’s come back to the issue at hand. 13/n

Now the other scenario of none of them are infected.

Well in that case we shouldn’t have a problem at all right?

Let them escape the hotspots of infections and be in the warmth of their balcony-less homes.

Let them read, knit quilts, practice cooking as a hobby etc? 14/n

But see Kannan, what if only a few has it now and more catch due to their interaction when they travel?

Wow sir. Just wow!

You remember my name! People disbelieve me when I tell them we are on Tu-Tadak terms. :)

Also, you asked a really logical question. 15/n

So like you asked, the question now is not whether we should allow them to go back?

But is there a way we can allow them to go back in a less crowded manner?

So that the chances of spread are minimised?

Well, we don’t have a fool-proof or an easy solution. But let’s see.
16/n

Instead of buses, could we have used trains? They are anyway lying idle right? We will use it for this and sell to Adani at a cheap rate. Win-Win?

First of all we will have to reduce the load or crowd at any specific point. So we will have to use more stations. 17/n.

Say like, NDLS for Allahabad, Nizamuddin for Patna, Sabji Mandi for Begusarai..

Close either sides so that the mixing remains within a bogie only.

Also screen them for symptoms at the station before boarding.

It is difficult. Agree. But ask to make a plan nonetheless. 18/n

Because if not today, this reverse migration is going to happen another day.

And when it happens, it will be crowded. It will be chaotic. And it will be a manic rush.

So let’s be prepared for it in more ways than one. 19/n

What, you slept already?

Well it is ok.

Yesterday, when you were sleeping, at 2:00 in the night, I called all secretaries up and told them that Saheb wants an update faxed in 5 mins.

They faxed random stuff. Some even sent tissue papers.

Haha..

Well, who am I talking to!! GN

PS: Okay, just a moment. Do you want to know how should you be budgeting for this crisis instead of cutting doctors salaries and eating from pensioners saving?

No?

Well. Makes my life easier. At least as long as I am alive.