Thread by @EricOls47140696, I grew up in the woods, with a lot of animals, both [...]

DreadNaught

EricOls47140696

I grew up in the woods, with a lot of animals, both ours and our neighbors. I therefore present you my animal ratings (mild language:

1. Chickens. Range from apathetic to psychopathic. Slightly dumber than rocks. Have the lifespan of geriatric fruitflies, and the self-preservation instinct of moths in a candle farm. Delicious eggs.
Utility: 5/5
Companionship: 0/5 - 1/5 (You get the occasional nice one.)

2. Rabbits. Dumb as rocks, and fragile. Compensate by breeding, like, well, rabbits. Fluffy. Usually fluffy enough you won't want to kill them. Can be trained to a limited extent, which they will soon forget. Be gentle.
Utility: 3/5
Companionship: 4/5

3. Your Dog. Greatest of God's animal creations. Man's best friend.
Utility: 3/5 (Spends all day sleeping on the porch.)
Companion: 5/5

3.5 The Neighbor's Dog. Chicken-killing demonspawn.
Utility: -4/5
Companion: N/A (Unless you adopt them, in which case it is now Your Dog).

4. Sheep. Dumber than rocks, with harder heads. Opinionated. Also, dirty. Tastes good, as any predator within 527 miles will agree. Sheep too helpless to contest the matter.
Utility: 3-4/5
Companion: 1-3/5, depending on laziness of sheep and willingness to function as pillow.

5. Goats. Smart, or at least cunning. Also opinionated. Evidence that intelligence is not a virtue. Have an instinctive understanding of where you don't want them to be. Are there.
Utility: 4/5
Companion: 1/5, unless you really like smart-asses.

6. Donkey. Noisy. Usually somewhat lazy. Usually sweet, occasional jerk. Useful for mild hauling, but mostly makes you feel better by just existing.
Utility: 3/5
Companion: 4/5.

7. Horse. Depending on individual, slightly smarter than a rock to equine Einstein. Escape artist. Surprisingly gluttonous. These days, mostly useful for their ability to turn large amounts of cash into manure. Good manure, though.
Utility: 2/5
Companion: 5/5

8. Cow. Smarter than it looks, although that's not saying much. Layer of landmines. More dangerous than you think. Also more curious and stubborn than you think. For a cow, hygiene is something that happens to other people. Tasty.
Utility: 4/5
Companion: 1/5

9. Pig. Very smart. Disguised sociopath. Lazy, despite the good press they get, unless food is involved. Also dangerous, at least in numbers. MUCH faster than they look. Is capable of destroying nearly anything not made of concrete or iron.
Utility: 5/5
Companion: 2/5

10. Cat. Usually too individual to classify. Necessary anti-rodent extermination unit. Selfish, but actually likes people. Mostly. Sometimes. Ok, occasionally. Does not handle coyotes well. Omnicidal maniacs about anything smaller than themselves.
Utility: 5/5
Companion: 5/5

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