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So here’s a problem I found on reddit and I want advice on this.
A young autistic woman is dating a trans man. She has a sensory sensitivity to leg and untrimmed pubic hair. She needs to be honest with him, but is worried she’ll trigger his body dysphoria.
Advice?
A young autistic woman is dating a trans man. She has a sensory sensitivity to leg and untrimmed pubic hair. She needs to be honest with him, but is worried she’ll trigger his body dysphoria.
Advice?
Autistic sensitivities can be very oddly specific and quite bizarre. I personally have a sensitivity to a very specific cosmetic where I cannot look at it when applied for long stretches without feeling physically nauseous. I will not say what cosmetic, I only tell close friends.
I am 35 and I have no fucking clue how to tell dates that. Most of the time, I look elsewhere and make no comment, but it can make sex impossible for me and has made some TV shows a chore to get through.
So her putting her discomfort aside is not an option.
So her putting her discomfort aside is not an option.
So if anyone has any advice on how to tell her trans boyfriend that certain body hair is an autistic sensitivity in a way to minimize the risk of triggering body dysphoria, please leave it here. I will forward it.
It’s also something she kind of has to be honest about.
It’s also something she kind of has to be honest about.
The comments on the now deleted thread had a few people arguing, “Wow what the fuck is wrong with you? You’d trigger a trans man’s dysphoria and use autism as an excuse? Fuck. You.”
This is why knowledge is important because nobody realizes how intense odd sensitivities can be.
This is why knowledge is important because nobody realizes how intense odd sensitivities can be.
But it’s also a good example of why autistic folk have a rep for being nasty and as I said, sensitivities cannot be simply shrugged off.
They also aren’t talked about since they seem unusual, and yeah I gotten weird looks when I said [cosmetic] makes me nauseous.
They also aren’t talked about since they seem unusual, and yeah I gotten weird looks when I said [cosmetic] makes me nauseous.
This is also why I don’t talk about it, and I’m aware it comes off as quite sexist and sounds like another man controlling the way women dress for my pleasure.
At the same time, it feels like I’m watching mucus drip into your spaghetti and then you eating it so...
At the same time, it feels like I’m watching mucus drip into your spaghetti and then you eating it so...
So I am really curious if anyone has any way to tell their trans partner that leg hair is a sensitivity without triggering body dysphoria.
Putting the sensitivity aside for her partner’s comfort is something she does daily, but near impossible in the bedroom.
Putting the sensitivity aside for her partner’s comfort is something she does daily, but near impossible in the bedroom.
I think I was the only one who replied to that thread who actually understood just what these sensitivities mean and how they can affect relationships, and see she was trying to work through it. I’m also much older and know she will never likely learn to shrug it off.
So trans followers: if something important to you, say body hair or makeup, was physically nauseating due to psychological predisposition to your partner and something they cannot help despite a desire to, is there a way you’d want that conversation to go?
Update: I forwarded the advice but she has not responded. The last thing on her account was replying to my comment on her now deleted thread.
I think the guilt was overwhelming since people were calling her an asshole for being grossed out by something potentially important.
I think the guilt was overwhelming since people were calling her an asshole for being grossed out by something potentially important.
Also written eyerolls at her using autisticness to fall back on and telling her she has no excuse.
Autistic folk tend to have a lot of guilt which is bad when people react badly to things you say since they come off as insensitive. Because nobody tries to understand them.
Autistic folk tend to have a lot of guilt which is bad when people react badly to things you say since they come off as insensitive. Because nobody tries to understand them.
Autistic sensitivities can be bizarre. Why would body hair on a man be gross after all? Can’t you just deal with it?
As someone who is sensitive to a specific and common cosmetic, I can tell you that you’d don’t just deal with it, you learn to hide it.
As someone who is sensitive to a specific and common cosmetic, I can tell you that you’d don’t just deal with it, you learn to hide it.
Because nobody talks about them, people assume we’re just being whiny assholes.
Things not looking right can be very mentally overwhelming and cause a lot of stress. It’s not really understood why that is.
Things not looking right can be very mentally overwhelming and cause a lot of stress. It’s not really understood why that is.
It’s also not in any literature I could find. I only realized mine was an autism sensitivity after people described their reaction to textures and smells or sounds and made the connection.
So I’m really pissed for this person I don’t know who expressed a sensitivity probably not understanding what it is and with a lot more compassion than I had at that age, and people just let her have it. She had to get away.
Looking at leg hair to her would be like looking at someone’s legs after they’ve been lathered up in phlegm, at least that’s my assumption based on my own experiences.
If you’re intimate with a person, imagine trying to just ignore that. That’s what it’s like.
If you’re intimate with a person, imagine trying to just ignore that. That’s what it’s like.
And imagine the certainty that if you said, “Uh, your phlegm lather is quite disgusting,” your partner and his friends would ask what the fuck is wrong with you.
I don’t know another way to describe it.
I don’t know another way to describe it.
During the summer, she probably focuses her eyes elsewhere and nobody realizes how much stress people’s leg hair is causing her. She probably looks away when hairy men pop up on TV.
Yeah, I’m pissed at the people who chased her off that reddit sub.
Yeah, I’m pissed at the people who chased her off that reddit sub.
And the thing is, the fact that body hair is a common source of dysphoria in trans people is also true. And I can sympathize her brain trying to work out how to approach this without being a dick.
The ignorant comments probably didn’t help.
The ignorant comments probably didn’t help.
In my DMs, I did link this thread and I hope she comes back to read it and your advice and feels a lot better about everything, though guilt for an autistic person can last a very long time.
