over the past two days i have conducted a thorough review of press conference footage, and taken it upon myself to rank the AUSLAN interpreters in the form of a tier list -- results below.
#covid19au #coronavirusaus

the following is based upon a myriad of criteria, incl. (but not limited to) clarity, dexterity, stamina, breadth of facial expression, and sex appeal -- however this is entirely subjective and very much open to further discussion. and so:

F-TIER: the MODEL PLANE ENTHUSIAST
- would rather be with his model planes
- no stamina, barely makes it through 30mins and he's visibly puffed by the end
- repeatedly touches own face. unhygienic
- apple watch
- from tasmania
- likely a child of divorce

D-TIER: the BAD BOY
- only in it for the money
- clearly a bad influence on the other interpreters
- somehow dating your daughter but also your stepdad?
- man bun
- sexually suggestive open shirt
+ commanding presence
+ strong resting position (you know he had to do it to em)

C-TIER: the NONNA ARCHETYPE
- not hip with the lingo, fingerspells everything out instead of abbreviating
- signs with an italian accent, somehow
- tends to ramble
+ tasteful jewellery
+ unmatched endurance due to many years knitting
+ husband is a biker but he's really nice, so

B-TIER: the THEATRE MAJOR
- outshines the speakers
- HUGE tik-tok energy
+ best facial expressions in the biz
+ auslan's next big thing
+ elite communicator (i don't sign and yet i totally understand everything she's saying?)
+ versatile hair is both fun and professional

A-TIER: the DUCHESS
+ indefatigable signing, could go for days
+ smoothest tag-team transitions
+ trusted messenger to the PM. also his auntie
+ lives in a little box
+ never rocks the same look twice, doja cat style
+ wears sunnies on live tv. untouchable

A-TIER+: the A stands for ADONIS
+ total dreamboat
+ attentive listener, lover
+ i don't see a ring, ladies
+ great hair, despite current restrictions
+ suddenly australians are very interested in the news
- face always covered by the news logo, a real mike wazowski

S-TIER: the ORACLE
+ has seen the future
+ signs like her life depends on it, which it may
+ understands the extent of the crisis and won't stop 'til you do too
+ pause video whenever for a classic screenshot
+ pretty sure she's just making up signs sometimes but who cares

alright: i'm back with more AUSLAN TIER LIST nonsense. whilst i never set out to become the nation's foremost and also only auslan commentator, i embrace this role wholeheartedly in bringing you (1x) newcomer to the list, and (3x) amendments to prior listings... (1/4)

B-TIER+: introducing... the ASSASSIN
+ tag-team partner to the duchess
- secretly plotting to overthrow her
+ nimble digits make for expert fingerspelling (good)
- also make for clean executions (bad)
+ sleek, killer attire
- sleek killer attire

MODEL PLANE ENTHUSIAST: F-Tier → B-TIER
how wrong i was to judge at a glance. with an inbox full of messages from his passionate stans, i concede: his posture is remarkable, his signing impeccably polite, and his youtube vlogs criminally underrated

the BAD BOY: D-Tier → S-Tier
let it be known that the bad boy is the new king of auslan. i am typing this of my own free will and definitely not bc he has taken me hostage, or anything (although he is very strong). on an unrelated note, somebody pls tell my family i love them

NONNA ARCHETYPE: C-Tier → SS-TIER
okay all jokes aside, this woman is a GEM and i will do everything in my power to protect her. she is a sunbeam wrapped up in a rainbow and i have attached a gif supercut to proves it. what ever did we do to deserve her