/work-life balance for idiots/

A pro hero Kacchako dating app AU with lots of Bakusquad / Ochasquad shenanigans, some side ships, fun, drama and smuuuuut.

Finished, will update twice a week.

HERE WE GO

Please read the text above the pics FIRST, this is a fic thread + social media AU mix!

Other ships mentioned: Kirimina, Kamijirou, Tododeku, Miritama, others

Have fun!

18+ OF COURSE (later)

He wasn't lonely. 

Bakugou Katsuki didn't understand how people could label him as lonely. He didn't even have enough free time to be all by himself for one day a freaking month.

Hell, he could give a detailed description of every small shop lining his patrol routes, state the exact amount of cracks in windows and scratches on doors with frightening accuracy - but had to think twice about which color his own sofa had.

At least he knew he owned one. Covered in dust, probably.

So, how the hell could people call him lonely when he had zero free time on his hands and was surrounded by other heroes or some villains 24/7? And yet, here he was, being called exactly that. Once again.

"Anyway, it's because of people like you why Tooru and I started this project!" 

Katsuki slurped the oily noodles with much more force than needed, inking his stubble in bright red thanks to the broth. The ceramic bowl in his hands squealed in protest as he tightened his grip.

Obviously not reading the signs, the personified annoyance beside him continued, pink curls bouncing in excitement.

"C'mon, we need more testers! Hanta's agreed to give it a go a week ago and seems pretty happy with it, Denki's in, too! /ALL/ my single friends wanna try it!"

"I've got 15 minutes to eat before the cops expect me to escort that douche I've caught to Tartarus," he growled as he grabbed a napkin, not looking up into the wide yellow irises, still a striking contrast to the charcoal black surrounding them.

"That's exactly why you of all people should give it a shot! As I told you, 100% certified professional heroes only, anonymity, all grown ups too busy to date! All looking for fun without any responsibilities!"

"How come you think I'm your fucking level of busy? If you got time to use that stupid app, you ain't fucking busy enough!"

Mina tilted her head and curled one of her long pink locks around her finger, the mischievous look on her face making him fletch his teeth at her.

"And that, my beloved Katsu, proves me just right. You desperately need to get laid. Take this mood to bed, make someone scream your name, make the world a better place that way."

He almost spat his ramen across the wooden counter, Mina's shrill laughter ringing in his ears.

"Darling, seriously, how long has it been? That Scandinavian hero you disappeared with after the gala months ago?" she snorted at her own half full bowl of ramen, "Your stress level gives me anxiety, babe. You need to let off some steam once in a while."

With every little drop of self control he had left,Katsuki positioned his ceramic bowl back on the chipped surface in front of him instead of smashing it to pieces,not even gracing his walking nightmare with an answer.

He was too old & too famous to cause a scene in a ramen shop

Of course, she wouldn't get off his ass that easily anyway. He'd been friends with newlywed Kirishima Mina for more than 12 years now, a simple "fuck off" wouldn't do the trick. She had even tracked him down during his first and last 15 minute break of the day.

His location something only his sidekicks knew about. And the trustworthy owner of his favorite ramen shop. Or his partner. His best friend. Her secret spy and lover. Her husband.

The fucking traitor.

"Also, you are the pickiest critic out there, if you like the user interface and everything, everyone else will be satisfied, too. It's a win-win situation! And because you love me, you'll do that for me, right?"

She batted her eyelashes at him.

All he did was rolling his eyes hard in return as she switched into puppy-eyes-mode.

"Ask the perverted grape, he'd test the hell out of your stupid app!"

Suddenly, her face fell, a sinister look replaced her childish excitement.

"We agreed on banning him for life before we went live," Mina sighed, "We wanna keep our standards and a certain level of professionalism."

He snorted at that.

Professionalism. Standards. No words he'd associate with Mina.

"You're running a dating app for heroes, not a gentlemens' club!" Katsuki huffed, shaking his head.

"We provide an opportunity for heroes to fuck colleagues and protect their privacy from the

media,"Mina corrected him,"something /some people/…" 

She examined him from his short spikes on top of his head to his dirt crusted boots with a shit eating grin.

"...desperately need."

Thank fuck his phone reminded everyone present that he was the super busy number two hero

of Japan before he could blast her out of the ramen shop. He answered the call on his way out without looking back, without dropping a single word or sound. But not even the cop yelling, "Ground Zero, we got a problem!" into his ear could drown out Mina's obnoxious laughter.

//6 days later//

His couch was grey. That much he had learned the hard way after the escort had gone... wrong. A darkish grey garnished with simple black pillows.

Pillows so soft that he needed at least three of them to keep his head popped up whenever he changed positions. Every hour.

He would've done it faster and more often but with that stupid quirk's effects still weighing him down, he had to haul a truckload of muscles around with only one functioning leg and strained arms.

That haughty doctor had explained that his weight hadn't really increased

but the villain's quirk was meddling with his perception to a point where he could barely move on his own. What he felt was therefore fucking real.

He was weighing a ton and was glued to his couch.

Katsuki stared at the ceiling, glaring daggers at the LED spots above his head.

If he had been faster… that stupid villain fucker wouldn't have gotten the chance to use his incredibly shitty quirk on him. His left leg would still be intact. He wouldn't feel like a broken down truck someone had dumped in an empty parking lot.

He flinched as his phone hopped over his chest, buzzing away with what seemed to be the fifth call since he had woken up two hours ago. Not that he'd be able to pick it up in time. Groaning, he dragged his insanely heavy arm over his torso upwards, feeling for the device.

<Missed calls: 4>

<Unread messages: 15>

Katsuki arched an eyebrow at the screen, well knowing who was spamming his phone. Pursing his lips in annoyance, he tapped on the screen.

'Every single friend wanted to try it' his ass.

He smirked and tapped on two simple letters.

"Idiots -" he murmured as several messages popped up.

Groaning, Katsuki dropped his phone on his chest.

"Fucking morons!" he yelled at the ceiling.

Why the hell did he even click on that stupid group chat?!

His phone didn't stop dancing all over his shirt until he decided to fetch it and turn the group silent...

"FUCK NO," he spat at the screen, his fingers moving way too slowly so he decided to keep his answer short but clear. But the others wouldn't leave him alone.

//Of fucking course...//

"Fucking Mina... just freaking drop it..."

"Ain't talking to fucking traitors," Katsuki hissed at the screen - and groaned again as more messages popped up.

After Katsuki finally turned the group into silent mode, well knowing it was his only option to have peace, another unread message icon popped up.

He tapped it with an arched eyebrow, regretting it the moment a familiar name popped up.

"I smell bullshit..." he muttered.

Anger was ready to catapult him from the sofa but thanks to that stupid quirk, his torso rose some centimeters before he slumped back into the pillows, throwing every colorful swear word he had ever learned at the phone.

Katsuki almost broke the screen, quirk effects be freaking damned.

He blinked.

And blinked again.

//She didn't...//

It took him some seconds to snap out of his shocked state.

"YOU AIN'T PART OF MY FUCKING FAMILY!"Katsuki roared towards the ceiling. He hit the words into the messenger but stopped right before he could hit "send".

He stared at the words until they started dancing in front of his eyes.

"FUCK!"
His finger hammered on the delete button

"AS IF."

It sounded tempting though. Peace, for a whole week. But he wouldn't fall for it. He'd never use that fucking app.

He had a lot to take care of with all the paperwork and the shit he was missing out.

With a huff, he dropped his phone on the table to his right.

**

Katsuki woke a good while later to his phone buzzing all over the table.

//Fuck... I fell asleep, what the hell...//

Grunting, he ordered every muscle of his heavy arm to do its job and fetch the device.

2 missed calls from the hag and an unread message from Kyouka.

He could ignore the hag but not his delivery service.

//And I thought it couldn't get any worse//

"Yeah, sure. You'd really ask HIM just to annoy me?" Katsuki muttered with an arched eyebrow and began typing again.

"Oh /fuck/ no..." he breathed.

"How about she deletes it for good RIGHT FUCKING NOW?! Weren't you supposed to be on MY side here?!" he hissed at the screen.

Katsuki clicked his tongue.

No, he didn't.

Well. She wasn't wrong. That didn't make it less annoying.

Plus, after "Mr. BOOMbastic" and "NitroBeast", he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know his REAL username.

He stared at the screen in disbelief.

She /had/ to be joking.

He inhaled sharply.

He couldn't shake the feeling that Kyouka was right though.

Mina would never ever leave him in peace.

Unless.....

"Wrong answer," he smirked.

***

"Earth to Ocha."

Ochako's head snapped into the air from behind the mountains of paper sheets on her desk, right into the field of vision of emerald green eyes watching her from the doorframe of her office. She almost fell off her chair, her insides doing a backflip in shock.

"Now tell me, should I be impressed or worried that you didn't notice me standing here for what, solid five minutes?"

"D-Deku!" she blurted, shaking her head to clear it of all the new cases on a merry-go-round in her mind, cases Eri had dropped on her desk a moment ago.

He scratched the short buzzed back of his head, his gloved fingers wandering towards the longer locks on top. Without another word. Deku just kept staring with that… look. 

A look she knew to well.

A look that was usually followed by a lecture.

"So… hey! How's your day been so far?" Ochako chuckled, nervousness swinging in her voice.

One thing was for sure, she was not ready for a lecture and yet, it was about to happen for the third time in five weeks...

She had done nothing wrong. Yet, he made her feel guilty.

Ochako reached for her coffee mug to bridge the torturous moments until the lecture would hit her ears, her fingerpads brushing the cold ceramic which… had been hot a moment ago, too...

Maybe, that moment had been…

She glanced to her right, eyes lingering on a shrill pink alarm clock, a gift from Mina. 

"Girl, I want you to NOTICE how long you've been in the office, understood?! You can't ignore that clock!" her friend had said back then.

Today, it had failed its purpose. The moment Eri had walked in with the files and the coffee had been /three/ hours ago without her noticing.

And judging Deku's worried face, he was aware of that as well.

"Look, I was wondering if you wanted to join me for curry?"

She knew it wasn't a real question. It was a reminder, a suggestion and an announced kidnapping all-in-one.

"I'm sorry Deku, I've got a lot of stuff on my plate and there's no end in sight…" she sighed, well aware that her best friend wouldn't back down.

"No breakfast -"

"I've had cookies worth a weeks' calorie budget -" Ochako chimed in, waving an empty wrapping she had spotted in time at him but Deku continued.

"- you skipped breakfast and lunch yesterday. Today's the same and you're about to leave out dinner as well. What

am I supposed to tell Tsuyu? Or Tenya?"

Ochako flinched. The last thing she wanted was to deal with an overprotective Tenya roaming her office like the second dad he was.

"Oh… as my /best/ friend, you won't tell them, right?" she asked with a sly grin.

Deku puffed his cheeks, it was something he had adapted from her over the years. A sight that was way too hilarious given the situation she was in and the fact that his features had changed so much since high school.

The freckles on his skin were the last boyish hints on his face, the rest was scarred and clean-shaven, way too mature for such a move.

"Only if you call it a day and join me for curry!" he declared.

"It's only 6 pm!"

"And you've been working for 48 hours straight, enough is enough."

Ochako clicked her tongue at Deku who crossed his ripped arms, now an stern look on his usually friendly face.

//Here he goes.//

"The number one hero's got enough free time to track my hours and have curry dinner with me?" Ochako joked, well knowing that right now, that wasn't the time for messing around anymore.

"I've been observing you. Not that it was even necessary. Given the circles

beneath your eyes everybody knows you haven't slept and properly eaten for a while."

With a huff, Ochako opened another file without looking at Deku.
"Pre-Shouto, it was me who covered you in blankets whenever you dropped dead on your desk at 4 AM."

"Yes. I was a mess, /Pre-Shouto/. Not a state you should be eager to reach. Not a state I want you to reach. Not a state I'll let you reach," Deku mumbled, the concern in his voice palpable.

Deep down, she knew he was right.

She didn't want to reach that state, a state he had barely been able to leave behind himself. She had seen him down like that, she had been there for him. But she was sure she wasn't even close to a break down anytime soon. A little tired but okay.

Why was everyone so concerned? She wasn't like him.She wasn't number one, not as stubborn, nor as busy.But being one of the top 5 heroes still came with a lot of work, responsibilities and sleepless nights.Same as the top spot. It was a well known part of the job, nothing unusual

He of all people should be aware of that. It came with a rank she had fought for like a lioness, on her way to number 4. She wasn't like him, it was fine and she could handle herself. Everything was fine, just a little stressful.

"You coming?" Deku started again, not moving.

Ochako sighed at her paper mountains. She hadn't even checked her emails yet.

"In two hours?" 

"One hour."

"One and a half?"

Deku shook his head with a groan.

"Ochako…"

"Deal?"

They stared at each other, neither backing down until Deku threw up his hands in defeat.

"7:30. Not a minute later or I'll call for backup."

Ochako threw her head into her neck, a long exasperated sigh leaving her mouth.

"Okay, okay. Gotcha."

Deku flashed his brilliant smile at her before he left with a wave of his hand.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose and turned on her chair, suddenly aware of how stiff her whole body felt. Maybe her legs would just snap if she tried to stand up.

Desk work was killing her. Necessary but definitely not her favorite type of work.

She had not only a lot of reports of her sidekicks and interns to check, her own paperwork was drowning her.

With another sigh, she reached for her ice cold coffee and took a sip. It wasn't until then that she noticed her phone screen flashing up with several unread messages.

Perplexed, Ochako stared at the numerous messages Mina had left her.

//What…//

Her fingers flew over the keyboard on her screen.

The coffee she was about to swallow left her mouth as full blown fountain, drenching the pages shattered all over her desk in brown liquid. To add to the misery, she had dropped her mug in shock.

"DAMMIT!" Ochako yelled and wiped the remaining coffee off her lips. 
All paper towels nearby didn't help to clean the mess to her satisfaction.

"Fuuuuck…" she whined, holding up a soaked page, "What have I done… oh god…"

"Uravity-san?"

Ochako's head whipped towards the shocked voice coming from her office's door.

"E-Eri-chan, uh, I'm fine!" she chuckled with a forced smile, ignoring her phone that was furiously buzzing across the floor.

//SHIT. What the-//

"Oh my…let me take care of this."

The young woman she had helped saving all those years ago stepped forward, long silver hair flowing over slender shoulders as her intern moved to stand beside her. Towering over her, to be precise because somehow,

she had stopped growing and was now the highest ranking in her office and also the shortest.

"N-No you're an intern and not my maid or something, I've created this mess, let me handle it like a grown-up should!" Ochako blurted and separated the wet sheets carefully.

The buzzing of her phone didn't stop and she wondered how long Mina would endure.

//Probably forever...//

"At least, let me help to sort the documents, I can probably print some again if that helps?"

Ochako stared into the bright ruby eyes of her intern, a soft smile on her lips.

"Well… the printing part would help immensely …" she began but stopped. The longer she stared into those eyes, the more she became aware what had really caused this mess.

She snapped her attention back to the sheets of paper. 

//Don't go there! It's a similar color, that's it, get a grip, Ochako! Stupid hormones… and Mina! What the - //

"Okay, if you haven't touched that pile over there, I know exactly what I need to print again.

Let me start so you can take the call. It seems like an emergency," Eri laughed but all Ochako could do was roll her eyes.

"Yeah… an emergency…" she muttered with a groan.

**

"GIRL," Mina began but Ochako stopped her midway, right before she reached the end of her office's balcony.

"I'm at work, Mina! Please tone your voice down!"

"... You sound upset, did you drop your coffee mug in shock?"

Her face grew hot.

"N-No!"

"Ha! I KNEW it. I knew it would shock you! Good news, huh? Wait for his profile pic! Who would've thought-"

"Did you blackmail him?" Ochako snorted, watching the busy streets below her feet, already knowing the answer.

"... No?"

"Liar!"

"Who cares? He's online and his username is-"

"Let me stop you right there, I'm not interested!" she huffed into the crispy air.

There was dead silence on the other end of the line.

All noise she heard came from the wind blowing into her ear and somebody who honked rather aggressively somewhere.

"You gotta be kidding!" her friend gasped.

The unmasked shock in Mina's voice made her laugh out loud.

"Ooookay, what's wrong with all of you? I'm good! I'm fine, especially without men in my life. Thank you," Ochako sighed, cursing that one night in that stupid bar where she had said something even more stupid, something that would obviously haunt her forever in the form of Mina.

"Girl. Spare me your man-hating amazon act. Not after you straight up confessed you'd fuck Bakusnack if you ever got the chance. Because! I PRESENT TO YOU. A CHANCE."

Her friend's hooting noises triggered a groan.

//I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN//

"That," Ochako hissed, glancing over her shoulder to make sure nobody could hear her before she rested her elbows on the handrail in front of her, "was the alcohol talking! And I don't hate them, I just don't need them!"

//I made peace with that topic YEARS ago//

"Uh-huh. Your starving vagina was crying for help that night. I'm a hero you know, I can't ignore friends in need!"

"Mina!!!" she whined, her face on fire.

"You can't drop such a bomb around me, literally, and not expect me to act on it!"

"We were talking about hot people we'd fuck based on sex appeal /only/, after hours of drinking!" 

Ochako paused and rubbed her forehead with her pinky outstretched,"He was /one/ of the guys on my list.Even Deku admitted he'd fuck him without hesitation! Seriously,who wouldn't?"

She meant it. As far as she could remember, everyone sitting around that table in that stupid bar had had the notorious number two on their list, straight, gay or married, it hadn't mattered and proved her right.

It hadn't been just her. She wasn't the only one affected.

Objectively speaking, she was just an adult with certain needs. Needs she didn't have time for, hence was a slave of her hormones. 

Of course she had been secretly drooling over a lot of people lately.

And /that/ guy was ridiculously hot.

With mesmerizing eyes. 

Plus, he had that /voice/…

He could read the freaking telephone book to her and she'd gladly listen til the end and give him a tip. 

That he could hold up a conversation about difficult topics, had arms to lift her like she weighted nothing

and hadn't the most boring personality - in the contrary - didn't help.

But that was very much it! Didn't prove anything at all. 

He obviously had that effect on a lot of people and all about him was enough to send her caged hormones on a rampage. Simple biology.

There was /nothing/ special about Ground Zero, she just hadn't had any sexual encounter for far too long. Stupid hormones. Stupid alcohol. 

There were a lot of men with a matching description around. All of them had one thing in common. She didn't need them in her life. Period.

"... Point taken," Mina stated but added with a snort, "Buuuut Deku's been his number one fanboy forever AND Blasty was the FIRST on your list!"

She was about to object but Mina just continued like machine gun, "AND what was that at my wedding, huh?!

Wanting to fuck him is one thing, listening to him ranting is a whooole other story!"

Ochako tapped her still burning cheeks with a sigh. 

"I'm sorry for listening to an EX-CLASSMATE who happened to be Eiji's best man and therefore sat on our table?! What was I supposed to do?

Ignore him? And really? You're still mad about it? It's been months!"

"That you two, best man AND maid of honor, managed to talk about work /all evening/? Hell yeah, I'm gonna be salty about it forever."

The pissed off grunt that followed was the same Ochako had received a day after the wedding. 

She couldn't help but rub the bridge of her nose. It had been an interesting talk about work related stuff between two colleagues while most of the others had been drunk. So what?

"Mina, I was still there to hold your hair in place while you puked all your day's food intake -"

"Not the point!" her friend interrupted but Ochako continued, "It was interesting! We talked about open cases, his time in Europe and how cultural differences affected hero work -"

Mina cut in like an axe without mercy, "Sure, it wasn't because, according to YOU, his voice works like a vibrator-"

Ochako gasped into the phone. Had she really said that out loud back then at that stupid bar?! Had she been THAT drunk?!

//No, no, no, no, no.... I DIDN'T SAY THAT ABOUT AN EX-CLASSMATE OF MINE IN A BAR FULL OF PEOPLE...//

What else had the alcohol made her do that night?! Who else had been listening to all of her stupid drunken slurs, slurs she couldn't even remember?

Had there been a god watching over her who'd sent most people to the bathroom in that moment, leaving her with Mina, alone?

Deku had been as dead drunk and napping against Shouto's shoulder as far as her memory could recall. Tenya and Momo had left before things had escalated.

Tooru had been drunk before she herself had even started. That left Tsuyu, Shouto, Hitoshi, Mirio and Tamaki - and of course Mina who had been miraculously sober enough to hear her stupid drunken… confessions.

//NO. NO CONFESSIONS. JUST THOUGHTS. OH GOD...//

At least, there hadn't been a paparazzi present, otherwise she would've made the headlines the next day.

"BUT ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING, employee of the year," Mina cackled, "now's your chance to give it a go? I know he's been unapproachable for a long time but-"

"H-He's busy. So am I, I get him," Ochako stuttered, hauling herself out of the depths of her thoughts, acting as casual as possible to give Mina no more room to attack, "Being single is not the end of the world, people need us, they depend on us around the clock and - "

"Hold your horses, Captain Japan, I don't expect you two workaholics to marry, I want you two to fuck your brains out and finally find some balance for fucks sake. You're both a real PAIN, you know that?! F-U-N, you used to know what that is!"

"MINA."

"/Girl/," her friend sighed dramatically, "Bakudonis is not an /ordinary/ man. I know that, he's my son."

Ochako snorted at that, picturing that chiselled jaw covered in the perfect amount of stubble clenched to a point where his teeth were about to shatter.

His ruby eyes flashed with murderous intent, lips curled into a snarl.

"I ain't your damn son!" he growled at Mina, so low, in her head... But her friend just blew a kiss at him return.

Ochako chuckled at the floating scenario in her mind but forced herself

to listen to Mina's next words.

"He's like that super rare limited time special offer, a walking jackpot and as allergic to relationships as you are.
GO. AND. GET. HIM. EVEN. IF. IT'S. FOR. ONE. NIGHT. ONLY. I /know/ you want to! Do something for your mental health for once!"

"Uh-huh, /my/ mental health, not to your amusement. Sure," Ochako joked, snorting so much she almost dropped her phone into the depths of the skyscraper jungle below. But her friend went on.

"Yes, your mental health, that sad part of you that's drowning itself in work," Mina huffed, "Or in alcohol once in a while when you allow yourself to have some hint of a private life!"

"Which sad part?!" Ochako gasped, ignoring the comment.

She was the number 4 hero, had an agency with one of her closest friends and a nice apartment, her family was doing okay with no debts, she had enough money to spent for the first time in her life and overall the best fans and friends, which part of her was sad?!

Mina's next sigh was long and loud, she sounded exhausted what irritated Ochako even more.

Her friend didn't answer and the noise coming from the busy streets below her feet cut through the silence.

"I am successful. I've become the hero I always wanted to be. Everything is fine."

"Sure. If you say so?" Mina answered, the typical humor in her voice gone.

Ochako rubbed her arms slowly, "Okay what are you implying?"

"Nothing. Hey have you created an account yet?"

Not trusting her friend's cheery voice and fast change in topics, Ochako pouted. 

But she wasn't in for discussions anyway, not when dinner with Deku was around the corner.

Or the lecture because she couldn't attend thanks to the battlefield on her desk.

"Not yet but I told you... I will test your app but just to give you some feedback. Not to actually get laid…" she sighed.

As if she had enough time or nerves or interest in dating someone.

"Buuuut… you now have a chance to get laid by your long time fantasy! Remember, super rare limited time special offer!"

"He's NOT-" Ochako snapped but toned down her voice midway, "my damn long time fantasy!"

The last part didn't even convince herself.

She was chewing the inside of her left cheek as Mina answered.

"You're such a bad liar. Something you two have in common. You sure you don't want me to drop his username?"

"That's so /not/ professional."

"Babe. Technically, you're both testers among regular users. Nothing wrong with knowing about fellow sex starved workaholics - er - testers," Mina cackled.

"You're unbelievable."

"Okay. Talk to me once you've changed your mind. And you wiiiiill chaaaange iiiiit."

Ochako cleared her throat. A gust of wind pulled several strands of hair out of her already messy bun, making her curse into the air.

"... Did you really just pick a fight with the wind?" Mina snickered.

"If you could see me right now, I bet I'm looking like a scarecrow."

"Oh I bet you do, I've seen your ruffled state after training quite often, love. A stupidly hot scarecrow."

"Mina!" Ochako frowned.

"I mean it. Just… try it? I bet you'll find someone, you deserve and need a good lay."

Ochako turned to look through the glassdoor shutting her out from her office. The circles beneath her eyes had slowly become canyons, her hair was all over the place. 

//Uh-huh...//

"Use the profile pic I took," Mina purred.

With her cheeks on fire once again, Ochako spun around to face the empty air.

"I can't use a picture of my ass you took during training as a profile picture…" she muttered and bit her lip.

"Girl. Trust me, it'll work."

"For?"

"You'll see. He's an ass man."

"MINA."

Her friend laughed out so loud, Ochako had to hold the phone away from her ears.

//There's no way I'll stumble over his profile anyway...//

With a huff, Ochako cut into her friend's laughing fit.

"Back then,you said the POTENTIAL partners had to 'like' me before they could text me," she mumbled with the phone back on her ear, "so what makes you think he'd 'like' me IF I were to use the app for its purpose?!"

As Mina snorted again, she added an annoyed "Hypothetically?!"

Bakugou Katsuki wasn't only famous for his bad attitude, his efficiency, his power and his looks. He was also known for being married to his work, unrivalled in overall solved cases and caught criminals. Not even Deku had been able to hold a candle to him in that department,

especially after he had decided to take things more slowly. If she was a workaholic in Mina's eyes, what was he?

Some papers even called him "the busiest hero with the grumpy grandpa attitude". Which was very fitting.

Why on earth should he test the app for more than three minutes to shut Mina up - and like /her/ of all people? 

"I just KNOW. That's all I'm gonna say," Mina snickered, her voice loaded with too much mischief for Ochako's taste.

**

After her talk with Mina, it had taken Ochako a while to convince Eri to go home and let her deal with the mess.

Her intern had given up eventually but still... the moment her phone vibrated she knew she had forgotten about time again.

With a deep breath, she faced the chat

//He wasn't joking with calling backup...//

//Okay. Think. You know he'd do that... You need an excuse...//

"Well... it's a real excuse!" she muttered and took a picture of her desk.

Ochako sighed.

//Full blown lecture incoming...//

She laughed out loud. Shouto was /right/. In her book, Deku had been WORSE.

"THANK GOD, MY SAVIOR! Let's see if I can change topics fast enough!!" Ochako laughed but the texts kept flooding in.

Of course, he HAD to backstab her.

//Maybe it's not too late to draw their attention back to his undercover mission...//

"....... not that again..." Ochako snorted.

"What are they up to??" Ochako wondered out loud.

***

"For someone who's not interested in it, you're pretty focused on those questions."

Katsuki tilted his head with the speed of a turtle, enough to make sure Kyouka could see his eyes doing the most impressive eyeroll in the history of eyerolls.

Except, she wasn't looking. Nope, she was still studying the CD's booklet.

"Just because most people can do stuff half-assed doesn't mean I could do it even if I wanted to," he muttered, tapping away on the phone screen as fast as his fingers allowed.

Which was not fast at all.

But at least, his slow-mode covered up that he wasn't even sure what to answer. He had plenty of time to decide what to tap before his finger hit the screen. Fuck, he had plenty of time for everything today because the paperwork was

done and no one had shown up with new cases since yesterday evening.

"Dude, just relax, we got this. You closed all cases you were involved in, we're good," Eiji had told him in the morning, right after his best friend had helped him out of the shower.

Katsuki grit his teeth. No way they were able to deal with the flood of cases without his ass. Still, they didn't involve him. They wouldn't until his full recovery, he knew.

Oh he couldn't wait to pay for everything they would most definitely fuck up during his recovery.

/Fuck/, he was bored. He couldn't train. He couldn't prepare himself a meal. He couldn't do /shit/ without hurting himself or crashing to the floor every few minutes. He felt like a toddler who was learning how to walk.

It was only thanks to his own quirk and the sheer strength he needed to stand the recoils that he was able to crawl back to the damn couch.

He most definitely had to break into Tartarus and rip that fucker a second asshole.

Damn, he had almost forgotten how boredom felt like.

But here he was.

He was /so/ bored, he had decided to get it over with and logged into the stupid app with the even more stupid name to ease his mind. 

Not without ranting over that stupid name for half an hour first. Then, those questions popped up to kill his nerves before he

had even started testing it.

But he had to keep his side of the bargain and he had /nothing/ else to do.

Apparently he was so obviously bored, Kyouka had brought a stash of CDs and had changed from her hero costume into plain black leggings and an oversized white shirt to join

him on the couch. 

Not much had changed about her style over the years.
In fact, the whole scenario was a blast from the past.

Five questions in, the frown on his face intensified.

"What's up with… THIS… anyway?! Plus, looks shitty!" he groaned at his screen after a while.

"That quiz is supposed to check matching interests later. To help the app filter some suitable matches for you, according to Mina?" Kyouka answered and shifted slightly so his head dropped like a sandbag back to her shoulder.

"FUCK!"

"Oops. Sorry!" she snickered.

"Can you not?!"

"Then just get up?!"

"I WOULD IF I COULD!"

Kyouka burst into laughter.

"So you're telling me getting up to pee with crutches, what takes you about half an hour, is possible but you can't sit up after you-" she emphasized her next words,

a hint of humor accompanying them, "lost your balance and dropped your head on my shoulder. Like it's not an old habit of yours."

"Fuck you," he spat and tapped the 'Vacation? Never heard of her' answer, doing his best to ignore her remark and act like nothing happened.

The vibrations of her body shaking with suppressed laughter made that impossible, though.

His cheeks flared up. 

"OI!"

"How come you're still embarrassed about it? It's just you and me listening to good music on a couch, like in good old times!" Kyouka chuckled.

"Says the woman who transforms into a tomato whenever Thunderdork is around. 'Easily flustered' is your second name!"

Her shoulder disappeared again and this time, the landing was way more painful than before.

"Fucking hell," he groaned but his ex-roommate didn't give a damn about it. Her red face just proved him right anyway.

"You know, I liked you better when you couldn't open your trap because of that quirk some days ago. Hopefully, the effects will torture you a good while longer,

I won't be your delivery service forever. Good luck finding someone else," Kyouka muttered and turned the music louder.

That sulky move just spread the smug grin all over his face.

"Who's embarrassed now, huh?"

"Fuck /you/, Bakugou Katsuki. I have a key to your apartment, I wonder what would happen if I forgot it somewhere. At Hanta's place? Denki's office if he's present for once and not screwing his way through Japan? Oh they'd love to push you around as helpless as you are."

"You wouldn't," Katsuki stated cooly, "otherwise I might drop a hint to a certain oblivious man whore. Like your pining hasn't been painfully obvious enough for years, for everyone but that dumbfuck to notice."

His voice had a more serious tone to it as a rush of thoughts left his mouth without thinking twice, "For how long do you wanna watch him catching whatever STDs like other people catch a cold?"

Not that he cared about other people's business.

But he would love to lock them up in some storage room, like in a bad movie, so they'd sort their shit out once and for all. He felt like he'd been stuck in a freaking soap opera with those idiots since high school. Except Kyouka had forbidden all of them to interfere.

So he had kept his mouth shut. And would do so unless she told him to do or say something.

But he could still tease her. And he would. That was what she did. What everyone else did. Tease /him/. Now was his time to strike back.

Fuck, he really was /bored/.

Kyouka stared at him like she wanted to strangle him.

"Riiight. Says the guy who has a crush on his-enemy-turned-partner's-best-friend and will deny it in 3, 2, 1..," she hissed and as he dropped his phone, ears on fire, she added,

"To answer your question, I hope his dick falls off. Now /drop it/ or we'll discuss something you don't wanna hear."

Heavy guitar riffs cut through the silence before he spat a single sentence through his teeth.

"HAD, AS IN PAST TENSE."

Teenage him. 11 years ago. U.A., third year. Puberty's final spurt towards the finish line and one badass of a girl that had been occupying his head for far too long. /Forever/ ago though. As in, done and forgotten.

"Sure!" Kyouka commented with an arched eyebrow, so obviously not buying it, it hurt.

They glared at each other and it took Katsuki all his efforts to stop the upcoming thought train right in its tracks.

Before coffee colored eyes could pop up and wouldn't leave him for a while, like they had haunted him during that stupid wedding- after he had successfully managed to avoid her gaze most of the time by staring at a beer bottle. He had been talking with her like a grown up should!

Those freaking doe eyes, not matching the sin that was the rest of her body, shaped by endless fights and some serious amount of villain-butt-kicking. Especially that /perfect/ ass of hers. 

The walking contradiction that woman was, always had been. The thirst for a good fight

burning in those innocent doe eyes.

Fuck, why was he thinking about her now?! That hadn't happened for a long time. Why /now/?!

//11 years ago!!// he repeated in his head like a mantra. It had helped at the wedding, it would help now.

There was no need to think about the past. He was to 100% over his horny teenage bullshit. Fuck, he had too much time on his hands.

"That was /forever/ ago."

A sentence to close the topic for good. An order to his brain to shut the hell up.

Thankfully, Kyouka nodded.

"Same here. I'm done with him. Let's not kill each other. We can't survive the goddess of chaos and her three braincells' shenanigans alone."

"True that," he agreed, cleared his throat and fumbled for his phone,

"back to topic. I thought the app was supposed to get you laid. So what exactly does it do for the other to know that you like dogs? As if THAT'S the main criteria. Like, 'Oh my god, I like dogs, too, let's fuck!' or what."

Kyouka snorted so loud, she crashed into the backrest of the couch, causing him to drop into her lap in a free fall.

"KYO I SWEAR-"

"I'M SORRY," she was wheezing, her whole body shaking, "I'M SO SORRY BUT-"

Her voice faded as she gasped for air, tears smudging her smokey eyes.

"I fucking mean it, what's the point?!" he snorted along.

"I know. God, I know. That was so you, dammit, I should've seen it coming."

Damn right she should have. Especially after two years of sharing an apartment with him as a rookie.

Two years of sharing the same couch and analyzing the newest records after work, when they hadn't been able to sleep. Right before he had received the offer to go to Europe and left for a good while. To recharge, to get his focus straight, to train, to forget and move on.

… Years before he had come back to Japan to dethrone Deku…

Another question popped up. He stared at it.

…It had been years since those idiots had thrown him a huge 'welcome back' party, despite him hating parties. He had never been that drunk in his life before, not even at graduation. Fuck, Eijirou, Mina and Denki had been glued to his ass back then, totally

wasted and crying like babies. He had downed three whole tequila bottles with Hanta and Camie at 4 AM, had sang a freaking duet with Kyouka. He had lost his sneakers somewhere, had woken up beside fucking Todoroki of all people, or better, with his freaking head on his chest.

Todoroki, who had been drooling all over the marble floor of one of the fancy bathrooms in that freaking huge Yaoyorozu mansion. Of course the shitty nerd had shown the fucking video to the old hag and everyone else -

"About that jam session," Kyouka began and snapped him

out of his thoughts, "you have time now, right?"

"Can't move, can't do shit anyway," he muttered at the phone screen.

//What the hell, brain… What's up with the trip down memory lane?!//

He stared at the question again.

//Shit, right now, 'just gimme alcohol'.//

His friend shrugged, "You could sing with me?"

He paused as his phone threw another question at him, at the same time as Kyouka's hit him.

"Nah, you're good on your own," Katsuki yawned, his finger hovering over the screen.

"C'mon. I'll fetch the others, we'll check our schedules. Two guitars, two singers. That's enough. The other three won't get the chance to torture our ears, they can organise food and drinks.

God we used to do that as often as possible after going pro, huh? Felt like we were back in the dorms..."

"You know they won't keep their mouths shut."

Kyouka smiled down at him, the strands of her long bob falling into her face like a purple curtain.

"Where's the fun without Eiji's famous bum notes?"

"And Pikachu's over dramatic background vocals? You forgot Alien's shrill voice and tape face's rhythmic grunting."

"As if I could ever forget that," she sighed with a hint of amusement, wiggling her jacks at him to underline

her statement, "So… Are you in?"

"As if I could ever stop you guys from doing what you want," Katsuki shrugged, or, tried to shrug but his shoulders didn't move fast enough. So he was lying like a stiff puppet with his head in Kyouka's lap.

"By the way, what's taking you so long, the answer is obvious, right?" she asked and nudged towards his phone screen.

"Stop checking my answers, how about you act like a good delivery service and fetch me another curry bun?" he sneered at her.

She rolled her eyes hard.

"I should just drop your head and watch you struggle getting up for this," she spat, the laughter she was trying to suppress betraying her, "By the way, your answers aren't THAT hard to guess."

Kyouka leaned to her left towards the plastic bag she had brought with her,

more carefully this time but obviously lingering a tad too long over there to just fetch a bun. She also kept her eyes on her hands with great effort, a wide smirk on her face. Right when his finger tapped 'can't live without them' with a roll of his eyes matching hers.

////// next updates next week, weekend. Maybe Saturday/Sunday? Bear with me, they're gonna interact after the next update Thank you for reading, your comments crack me up every time xD