Lies OCD has told me lately:
-I am not allowed to step on the mats in my bathroom unless I am literally stepping out of the shower
-I must complete 333 lesson plans before the month is over
-My shower isn’t clean enough for me to shower in
-I can only eat crunchy things (1/?)

-I must change my socks twice a day UNLESS I am wearing my y’all grey boot socks, which I must wear for 3 days straight
-I can only wear my red boots, no other shoes are safe, even tho it’s been 77-80 degrees lately
-I can only wear yellow underwear
(2/?)

-There’s something very valuable on my bedroom floor, but it’s also invisible, so I’m not allowed to sweep in there
-The cut on my finger is infected & I need to cut the finger off
-I am only allowed to wear blue bras
-I have to be quiet for 2hrs after waking up (3/?)

-I’m not allowed to take my bathroom trash out, even tho it’s full
-I’m not allowed to move my shoes off my closet floor, even tho I bought a rack for them
-I’m not allowed to listen to my favorite Solange album all the way through or else something very bad will happen
(4/?)

-I can only sleep on white or grey sheets
-I have to spell “Zendaya” over & over in my head at night or else I won’t sleep
-I must answer the phone whenever it rings, even if Satan himself is calling
-All meat is full of worm-like creatures with barbed skin
(5/?)

-If my stomach hurts, I 100% deserve it
-There’s mold in every cup except for my clear glass coffee mug
-I can’t use most of my pillows, I put them on my prayer mat and they must stay there until further notice
-I’ve literally tripled in weight over the last 6 months
(6/?)

-I am not allowed to touch the vacuum cleaner because it’s covered in parasites
-I’m not allowed to get into my bed at night without lighting a candle first
-I can’t touch any of my journals or else I will need to lick the pages (???)
-I’m not allowed peanut butter
(7/?)

-I’m only allowed to clean my nails at night
-Certain words must be pronounced like they are French, even tho I know they’re not
-I’m not allowed to wash my pillowcases
-I should lick my fingers after being on the roof because that dirt is safe & will make me healthy
(8/?)

-If I text the person who gave me my bed to thank them, they’ll break into my house and take it back
-I’m not allowed to wear sunglasses
-I am not allowed to tell anyone when I have seizures
-I’m not allowed to eat avocado or to throw out the old ones in my kitchen
(9/?)

-If I open a physical book, I have to read the last page first
-If I eat my roommates food, I will die
-I’m not allowed to hang any art until I have frames for all of it
-I am not having anxiety palpitations, I am having heart attacks & I deserve them
(10/?)

WOW IT FEELS SO GOOD TO TWEET ABOUT THIS. I I feel like nobody takes my mental illness seriously bc I don’t talk a lot about it or take hella meds for it. Ppl think OCD is j/ fear of germs. Nope. It’s a lot more than that, unfortunately.

Believe it or not, my OCD is much better than it used to be I used to spend hours with my eyes closed bc seeing words meant that I needed to organize the letters by spelling them backwards, then arranging them alphabetically, then “folding” the word in my mouth. TIRING.

Right now my biggest problems are feeling like my bathroom isn’t clean enough to shower in/not being able to read books. I know the shit in my brain isn’t logical, but I still gotta fight against it real hard. I really miss bubble baths but I can’t take one w/o showering first.

Man. I’m glad nobody reads my tweets. If I ever blow up, I’m gonna have to delete this account.

GOOD MORNING I HAVE BEEN AWAKE SILENTLY FOR THREE HOURS AND FORTY EIGHT MINUTES AND I’M ABOUT TO BE BRAVE AND GO FUCKING SHOWER

Here’s my blue bra and yellow underpants bc I tried to get different colors and legit got so dizzy I thought I was gonna vomit but BABY STEPS BITCH, I’m gonna go smoke some CBD and TAKE A SHOWER!

I did it. I showered. Now in exactly one minute my alarm will go off bc I need to work on these 333 lesson plans.

Ok ok ok ok so I’ve managed to get together ALL OF MY LESSON PLANS for this week, had a FaceTime meeting w/ my co-teacher & our assistants, AND I MOVED MY SHOES OFF THE CLOSET FLOOR. Today is a good day. I’m so grateful.

Also put a shirt on the bad kitty lol, pics soon to come

Today she decided to shove trash beneath my door, stick her paws through and toss the trash between them. I try to get video but she stops whenever I put the camera on her. How does she know I’m recording??? A small baby hellcat.

Had a lotta wins today. Was able to take out my trash, sweep my floor, shower & put my shoes away. Now I’m eating an edible, made extremely crunchy w/ huge chocolate chunks since I still can’t shake the “no soft foods” rule. Baby steps!!!