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Follow Boomer, The Wife, SecDef and Hippie Daughter as they fail to deal very well with the 2020 #Pandemolypse and Great Toilet Paper Predicament.
I’ll post daily updates as a serial here on this thread. Share and enjoy!
I’ll post daily updates as a serial here on this thread. Share and enjoy!
#Pandemolypse: noun, a combination of pandemic, pandemonium, and apocalypse.
Also, check out my website http://GunnarHelliesen.com for more stories.
Also, check out my website http://GunnarHelliesen.com for more stories.
Day 1 of the #Pandemolypse:
I'm actually enjoying spending time at home, with my family. Is this an early onset symptom of the virus?
Have not (yet) named any volleyballs.
Mildly concerned about the TP situation.
I'm actually enjoying spending time at home, with my family. Is this an early onset symptom of the virus?
Have not (yet) named any volleyballs.
Mildly concerned about the TP situation.
Day 2 of the #Pandemolypse:
The wife is bored to tears. She’s started baking.
I'm appointing the resident teenager as SecDef (Secretary of Defense). Seems to have the appropriate attitude and attention span.
This sudden run on bidets seems positively un-American.
The wife is bored to tears. She’s started baking.
I'm appointing the resident teenager as SecDef (Secretary of Defense). Seems to have the appropriate attitude and attention span.
This sudden run on bidets seems positively un-American.
Day 3 of the #Pandemolypse:
Fam is giving me the side-eye.
SecDef is launching a surveillance drone. Eagerly awaiting intelligence data.
Are there still any old missile silo sites for sale out in Arizona? Asking for a friend.
Secretly counting the TP stash twice daily.
Fam is giving me the side-eye.
SecDef is launching a surveillance drone. Eagerly awaiting intelligence data.
Are there still any old missile silo sites for sale out in Arizona? Asking for a friend.
Secretly counting the TP stash twice daily.
Day 4 of the #Pandemolypse:
SecDef is building a moat at the end of our driveway. We have nothing worth stealing, but the neighbors don’t know that.
I hear bidets are now only available on the black market, and only for barter.
Hippie Daughter annoyed her yoga class is canceled.
SecDef is building a moat at the end of our driveway. We have nothing worth stealing, but the neighbors don’t know that.
I hear bidets are now only available on the black market, and only for barter.
Hippie Daughter annoyed her yoga class is canceled.
Special Wife update, day 4 of the #Pandemolypse:
"Mark my words, it's survival of the fattest." - The Wife, upon observing our fellow humans at the supermarket.
"Mark my words, it's survival of the fattest." - The Wife, upon observing our fellow humans at the supermarket.
Day 5 of the #Pandemolypse:
Dominican Apple Custard Cinnamon Pie totally works. Have concluded the wife’s a culinary genius.
SecDef is weaponizing our sewer system.
Attempted to go shopping at the local grocery store. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
Dominican Apple Custard Cinnamon Pie totally works. Have concluded the wife’s a culinary genius.
SecDef is weaponizing our sewer system.
Attempted to go shopping at the local grocery store. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
Day 6 of the #Pandemolypse:
Practicing social distancing inside the house. Hard 6 foot rule.
Told SecDef to stop playing Wagner's ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ over the outdoor speakers. Neighbors look worried.
Caught the wife trying to sneak a roll of TP.
Practicing social distancing inside the house. Hard 6 foot rule.
Told SecDef to stop playing Wagner's ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ over the outdoor speakers. Neighbors look worried.
Caught the wife trying to sneak a roll of TP.
Day 7 of the #Pandemolypse:
Thinking of ordering a gun safe, they look cool. I don't own any guns.
We’re down to paper napkins. Send reinforcements and supplies.
I can hear the rain dripping on the roof of my house. Drip. Drip.
Are ATMs still working?
Thinking of ordering a gun safe, they look cool. I don't own any guns.
We’re down to paper napkins. Send reinforcements and supplies.
I can hear the rain dripping on the roof of my house. Drip. Drip.
Are ATMs still working?
Day 8 of the #Pandemolypse:
Hippie Daughter distraught. Apparently, her chakras are out of alignment.
SecDef on secret assignment. Hasn't even told himself why.
We’ve run out of TP. And socks.
Ordered one of those duck whistles. There are no ducks around here.
Hippie Daughter distraught. Apparently, her chakras are out of alignment.
SecDef on secret assignment. Hasn't even told himself why.
We’ve run out of TP. And socks.
Ordered one of those duck whistles. There are no ducks around here.
Day 9 of the #Pandemolypse:
Wife is improvising on the concept of tuna casserole. I fear cat food is involved.
Gun safe arrived. Made sure all the neighbors saw it.
Heard dogs barking. Suspect the neighbor has started breeding enhanced Rottweilers.
Wife is improvising on the concept of tuna casserole. I fear cat food is involved.
Gun safe arrived. Made sure all the neighbors saw it.
Heard dogs barking. Suspect the neighbor has started breeding enhanced Rottweilers.
Day 10 of the #Pandemolypse:
SecDef has reinforced the roof. Not even going to ask.
TP shortage urgent: Collecting old newspapers out of neighborhood recycle bins.
I saw an airplane flying high overhead this morning. Note to self: Read up on chemtrails.
SecDef has reinforced the roof. Not even going to ask.
TP shortage urgent: Collecting old newspapers out of neighborhood recycle bins.
I saw an airplane flying high overhead this morning. Note to self: Read up on chemtrails.
Day 11 of the #Pandemolypse:
Reminded Hippie Daughter that 4:20 simply means 20 minutes past 4 in this house.
The gun safe can actually hold a lot of canned foods.
Saw a black Plymouth cruising up and down the street after dark. They don’t make Plymouths anymore.
Reminded Hippie Daughter that 4:20 simply means 20 minutes past 4 in this house.
The gun safe can actually hold a lot of canned foods.
Saw a black Plymouth cruising up and down the street after dark. They don’t make Plymouths anymore.
Day 12 of the #Pandemolypse:
Honey-do list is growing at an alarming rate. Need to distract the wife.
Surveillance drone missing. SecDef blames weather, but I have my doubts.
TP situation dire. I hear they used tree bark during WWII, considering giving it a try.
Honey-do list is growing at an alarming rate. Need to distract the wife.
Surveillance drone missing. SecDef blames weather, but I have my doubts.
TP situation dire. I hear they used tree bark during WWII, considering giving it a try.
Day 13 of the #Pandemolypse:
Not sure Hippie Daughter practices the distance part of social distancing.
SecDef has recruited the house cats for our cause. Color me impressed.
Watching Demolition Man again. Trying to figure out the three seashells.
Where is everybody?
Not sure Hippie Daughter practices the distance part of social distancing.
SecDef has recruited the house cats for our cause. Color me impressed.
Watching Demolition Man again. Trying to figure out the three seashells.
Where is everybody?
Day 14 of the #Pandemolypse:
Certain family members have started eyeing the pets. Will start foraging for food.
SecDef not open to suggestion by Hippie Daughter that he "chill."
Letting my beard grow. When did it turn this gray?
401(k) wiped out.
Certain family members have started eyeing the pets. Will start foraging for food.
SecDef not open to suggestion by Hippie Daughter that he "chill."
Letting my beard grow. When did it turn this gray?
401(k) wiped out.
Day 15 of the #Pandemolypse:
The cats have been fitted with tiny spy cameras and have started patrolling. They’ll work in shifts, Sammy'll take first shift, he’s a night owl. SecDef exhausted.
Made our own bidet out of an aquarium pump and some outlawed plastic straws.
The cats have been fitted with tiny spy cameras and have started patrolling. They’ll work in shifts, Sammy'll take first shift, he’s a night owl. SecDef exhausted.
Made our own bidet out of an aquarium pump and some outlawed plastic straws.
Day 16 of the #Pandemolypse:
SecDef has taken us completely off grid. Fear retaliation by local authorities.
Beard longer. The Wife says I'm starting to look like one of those duck guys on TV.
Aquarium pump making strange noises. Number two restricted to once daily.
SecDef has taken us completely off grid. Fear retaliation by local authorities.
Beard longer. The Wife says I'm starting to look like one of those duck guys on TV.
Aquarium pump making strange noises. Number two restricted to once daily.
Day 17 of the #Pandemolypse:
Dog is feeling restless. Considering sending him out to dig for intel.
SecDef has built a home-made howitzer. Torn between pride and fear for own safety.
No spare parts for the aquarium pump. Number two restricted to twice a week.
Dog is feeling restless. Considering sending him out to dig for intel.
SecDef has built a home-made howitzer. Torn between pride and fear for own safety.
No spare parts for the aquarium pump. Number two restricted to twice a week.
Day 18 of the #Pandemolypse:
There are more cameras than life forms in this house now. SecDef still not satisfied.
The dunk-dunk-dunk sound of the kid across the street playing basketball is driving me nuts. Haven’t seen him in three days.
This beard itches.
There are more cameras than life forms in this house now. SecDef still not satisfied.
The dunk-dunk-dunk sound of the kid across the street playing basketball is driving me nuts. Haven’t seen him in three days.
This beard itches.
Day 19 of the #Pandemolypse:
Hippie Daughter dramatically announces that "she is sick of us all."
SecDef wants to know if a howitzer will fit in a gun safe?
Isn't it crazy how fast we adjust to the new normal, when the new normal is so abnormal?
Hippie Daughter dramatically announces that "she is sick of us all."
SecDef wants to know if a howitzer will fit in a gun safe?
Isn't it crazy how fast we adjust to the new normal, when the new normal is so abnormal?
Day 20 of the #Pandemolypse:
SecDef is turning the garage into a shooting range. The wife is livid.
Reading the fine print of our insurance policies.
TP situation looking up: Found a stash of half rotten pelts from the Gold Rush era.
SecDef is turning the garage into a shooting range. The wife is livid.
Reading the fine print of our insurance policies.
TP situation looking up: Found a stash of half rotten pelts from the Gold Rush era.
Day 21 of the #Pandemolypse:
SecDef is assigning code names to all the neighbors. My favorite so far: Comrade Asshat.
Found a duck whistle in my beard. Investigating further.
Sheriff's cruiser just inched by. Deputies looked bored. Good.
Savings wiped out.
SecDef is assigning code names to all the neighbors. My favorite so far: Comrade Asshat.
Found a duck whistle in my beard. Investigating further.
Sheriff's cruiser just inched by. Deputies looked bored. Good.
Savings wiped out.
Day 22 of the #Pandemolypse:
May need to get a 4x4 truck. Armored. I hear Hummer is coming back.
Supposedly, back in the day, sailors used the end of a rope dipped in salt water to wipe. Still could.
Suspect neighbors are implementing covert countermeasures against SecDef.
May need to get a 4x4 truck. Armored. I hear Hummer is coming back.
Supposedly, back in the day, sailors used the end of a rope dipped in salt water to wipe. Still could.
Suspect neighbors are implementing covert countermeasures against SecDef.
