[CW: suicide. I. AM. SAFE.] Some of you already know that I have a history of suicidal thoughts & am a survivor of multiple attempts. That option came off the table for me when my younger brother died in 2003 of a heart attack. I said then that it would take a lot to take me out.

[CW: Suicide. I. AM. SAFE.] last night was another one of those nights where I was in a dark place FOR A BIT - I AM FINE AND SAFE NOW and starting to think that had I managed to be successful, I wouldn’t have had to be living through these moments and all of this.

[CW: Suicide. I. AM. SAFE.] today I realize that I was not meant to die then, and I sure as hell am not meant to die now. I made it to day 14. I made it past that. Jim didn’t want to hear my talk earlier this week about worrying that I was going to die.

I feel myself getting better. I don’t have this completely beat yet, but I do not feel as weak or as crappy as I have the last two weeks. Whatever the lasting impacts are, will figure out a way to deal with this.

Anyone reading this - if we are here, we are enough. Whatever you’re doing to get yourself through is enough. We all deserve a chance to live. The survivors will be the ones who get to tell the story of how we endured this time. We have to fight like hell to be the storytellers.

Tell your stories. NOW. Do not wait. Create the record. Why do you think I’ve been sharing my experiences? That’s the reason. I will be damned if the people whose incompetence and bullshit have made this situation worse than it had to be stay in control of the narrative. F that.

Recovery fueled by rage, solidarity, and fierce love. Put that on a tee shirt.