Day 7 of quarantine while I wait for my covid test results. I’ve taken it very seriously because I’m not an asshole like @RandPaul - but god, I just can’t wait to see the outside again. Even for just a walk around the block.

An update: I am free from quarantine. Now knowing that I would ultimately get negative results and find out that my quarantine had not been necessary for public health, would I do it again? YES. FFS YES. It sucked. But not nearly as much as people around me getting sick or dying.

And it bears repeating: dont be a @RandPaul, y’all. I think this is just a generally sound principle in all matters til the end of time. But *especially* with the public health practices surrounding this pandemic. Don’t be an asshole, don’t be a Rand Paul. #dontbeaRandPaul

Another quarantine thought thread: recently I was quarantined as a presumptive positive. I am also in my second decade as a public defender. I like to think it has always been in my blood from the time I was a child.

I’ve spent much of my career going in and out of various institutions of incarceration: city jails, rural jails, suburban jails, both federal and state prisons, and many, many psychiatric hospitals. My psychology masters thesis was on the mental health impacts of incarceration.

I knew I was not capable of truly understanding the reality of incarceration, but I thought I had as good of an idea as one could have w/o ever having been incarcerated themselves. & maybe I do. But that doesn’t mean I’m close to getting it. It means that most of us have no clue.

Because after 7 days stuck in my 500sqft condo w Netflix, Hulu, FaceTime calls, Zoom happy hours, artisanal kombucha, daily burn Pilates videos, delivery groceries, postmated pizza, and cupcakes left at my door by @_rachel_m, I almost cried out of happiness to breath fresh air.

On about day 3 of my quarantine, when I was feeling really sorry for myself, I started thinking about my clients, both past and present. And their reality - even in the best of times - living in a small cage with limited human contact, without the freedom to venture outside.

What really gets me, as a single person isolating alone, is the lack of physical human contact. When I saw VA was shelter in place until June, I melted down b/c it meant I would likely go 2.5 more months without being able to get a hug from a loved one. Or anyone. I want a hug.

That lack of human contact and connection that we all miss now - imagine that for years. Or decades. And imagine being subjected to that for, often times, nonviolent drug offenses. Offenses related to addiction. Or mental illness.

But even for those convicted of violent crimes, they are still humans too. That’s the thing that always shocks me when talking to people who aren’t PDs - the general belief that those convicted of violent crimes are somehow “all bad” and not deserving of human decency.

Physical contact is an innate human need. Can you imagine going years without basic human interactions? Because I can’t. I don’t know that I would survive that. These institutions of incarceration are horrific and inhumane places even when there isn’t a pandemic.

And now, I can’t even imagine the terror that must be going through the prisons, jails, and state psych hospitals now as they are sitting ducks for a spreading pandemic. Having no control and knowing that the people in power are treating your life with reckless indifference.

And that is the most generous interpretation of the actions of people in power. It’s likely that there are far more sinister interpretations. Certainly the new NY CJ laws passed in the middle of the night last night suggest a more sinister interpretation.

At the time of my own quarantine, COVID had not yet reached the jail or the state psychiatric hospital in my jurisdiction. It’s there now. And spreading like wildfire. And I have so many elderly and sick clients who have been at the state psych hospital for decades.

I am struggling to make contact with a lot of them and struggling to get info on them. I am so scared for them and feeling so helpless. And the thing that strikes me the most is how my fear and helplessness must pale in comparison to that of my clients and their families.

I don’t know that I have a point in this thread other than just venting my fear and frustration. Except to say that by and large, those in power are catastrophically failing these vulnerable populations.