Ok, I did it. I bought #AnimalCrossingNewHorizon. I don’t know what’s going on. These raccoons are straight shaking me down but they’re so polite about it so I’m like, fine—take this clump of weeds and give me some bells in exchange so I can pay off my moving fee.

I’m pretty sure these racoons are engaged in human trafficking but I don’t want to say anything and make a fuss. I don’t know what happens when these raccoons get upset. So I’m just gonna keep collecting tree branches and keep my head down. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizon

I named my island Gallifrey. And my character’s name is River Song. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

I’m legit going to start ending all my sentences with “boing,” boing! #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

“How are those miles? No, no, don’t worry about paying me back. I’m just asking.” #AnimalCrossingNewHorizon

Not to put too fine a point on it. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

Now I’m in debt to these trash pandas for my new house. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

I made a dress the other day. Actually more like took an existing pattern and messed around with it to try to figure out how to do it. I like my hat. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

Ok so I finally built the museum.

We all agree it’s a TARDIS right? Bigger on the inside? #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

As soon as I finish building everything I’m gonna need y’all’s dodo codes.

I ain’t got no frienz

(I almost typed doodoo codes which is funny because I’m six years old)

#AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

I made one of the egg outfits. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

My house is looking good which it should for 198,000 freakin bells. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

#AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

Fedoras are cool. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

I don’t understand the deal with turnips.

If I catch one more fucking egg I’m going to lose my mind #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons 

WHY WOULD EGGS BE SWIMMING IN THE FIRST PLACE

who’s gonna lead the egg revolution

I put on the egg party dress and hat so I could take a picture and now I’m selling them and killing this wallpaper with fire #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons

They’re Not Raccoons They’re Tanuki Twitter needs to give it a rest

I guess I’ll check out this fishing tournament. #ACNH

I really did get irate when that goddamn raccoon told me *I* have to pay *him* 10,000 bells so I can build houses on Gallifrey Island for new residents. That’s not how construction contracts work! What the hell man #ACNH

Pro-tip for people with ADD:

When you’re gathering resources, Leave a piece of wood by the trees you’ve already hit so you don’t keep running around banging on the same trees and destroying your tools because you forget which trees you’ve hit already. #ACNH

I just started singing “gimme the bells, gimme the bells” à la “gimme the loot, gimme the loot” so that’s where I’m at

#acnh

I’m dressed like some sort of hipster vampire. #acnh

I saw one of those spiders yesterday and I know you’re supposed to catch them because they fetch a high price, but that’s a no for me. I threw my whole switch out the window. #acnh

I started to follow it and then it raised its legs at me and I ran home. #acnh

Apparently, there’s a whole island of spiders and you know—just no thanks. I’m good. #scnh

I had to. #ACNHdesign #acnh

I made a NSFW one because, again, I had to. #ACNHdesign #ACNH

I figured out how to post the design. #ACNHdesign

Making that shirt design is basically the most productive thing I did all day

Somebody take my switch away. #ACNHdesign #ACNH

My goal today is to make a Kamala hoodie. Might fuck around and make a Bernie one too.

It’s important to have goals. #acnh

I made a @RedHandedthepod hoodie. #ACNHDesign #acnh

Fuck these turnip prices, man

My Redhanded hoodie. #ACNH #ACNHdesign

KC and the Sunshine Band or whoever the hell is finally coming to my island for a concert, hopefully today so I can start terraforming and really doing some gardening. #acnh

I made a pattern using a pattern editor but I don’t know how to make it editable so now I just have a uterus painting and a tank top. Lol. #ACNHdesign #acnh

You know you have a problem when you frantically check your watch to make sure you didn’t miss the turnip lady. #acnh

Rude. #ACNH

I look like I’m on a bad acid trip but my kitchen is coming along nicely. #acnh

This game is more fun than it has any right to be.

One thing I like about #acnh is that people are happy with whatever gift you give them. Marimba? Thanks, boing! An egg hat? I love it, stuffin’! An apple? Thanks, tarnation! Literally one piece of wood? My favorite, crunch!

Unlike those ungrateful bastards in #StardewValley.

This game is keeping me sane. #acnh

I just crafted like 15 brick ovens in 9 minutes and sold them for around 150K bells before the Cranny closed.

I’m always like “oh crap, it’s almost 10. Gotta speed craft the hot items.” #acnh

I’ve got turnips to offload today otherwise I’m screwed. I haven’t seen a price above 147 on my island. Last night it was 63.

What gives.

Um... has anyone considered that Daisy Mae might have the rona? She’s always got snot hanging out of her nose. She needs a N95 mask ffs. #acnh

Am I really going to buy turnips for 110 bells so I can get stressed out in a week when I can’t offload them. #acnh

Although yesterday someone very kindly let me go to their island and sell my turnips real quick and there were no shenanigans.

I’ve heard about people getting ripped off just trying to sell their damn turnips on other people’s islands. #acnh

I’m trying my hand at some gardening and whatnot while apparently dressed as a child wizard. #acnh

So I walk out of my house and there’s a damn scorpion at my door. Not in the general area of my door. Literally right in front of my door.

It was menacing.

I feel like the trash pandas sent it as a message. They are up to something and I’m gonna figure out what it is. #acnh

I caught it and I’m going to train it to be an assassin.

These trash pandas wanna dance?

LET’S DANCE.

I got some orange trees. I have nowhere to plant them. I gotta reorganize my entire island. The current layout is trash.

So much to do, my friends. So much to do. #acnh

Literally spent an hour designing a mossy stone path in #acnh so decided I better go on a walk.

Not bad for my first path design effort. I think the coloring is a tad off but it’s ok.

And I have a mask now, so I’ve got that going for me—which is nice.

#ACNHdesign #ACNH

Here’s the design. I hope to make a better one with better coloring soon. #animalcrossing #ACNHdesign #ACNHdesign

let me go check on these turnip prices

I got bit by a scorpion last night. It wasn’t so bad. I almost caught the little bastard but my net technique can use some work apparently.

So far when it comes to me vs. scorpions, it’s me: 1 and Scorpion: 1. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons #acnh

Made some progress this weekend. I moved my house and added some paths and a fence. I feel like the Jeffersons must have felt when they moved on up. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons #acnh

I’m in debt for a half milli bells but I bought the shower booth for 110K anyway. And now my bathroom is dope. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons #acnh

I have a wall-mounted phone because wall-mounted phones are cool. #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons #acnh

I look at zillow just for funnies, and look: There’s a legit animal crossing house for sale in Oakland.

*funsies