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Apparently 10,000 followers puts me at the lowest rung of "influencer" which means I can start casually dropping the names of products into my social media posts for a small fee!
In unrelated news, these new @Gillette razor blades are so *checks notes* thin!
In unrelated news, these new @Gillette razor blades are so *checks notes* thin!
Did you know that @Smuckers, the jam company, makes Crisco? That's probably why Crisco is so very *checks notes* digestible!
Speaking of delicious jam, now I want delicious jam on @KeeblerElves's good old-fashioned Hi Ho crackers! You can really *checks notes* taste the difference live snakes make!
No, wait....
No, wait....
Trust @Tampax, they'll *checks notes* overcome a woman's resistance!
Black Jack Gum: It *checks notes* tastes like old licorice? That and a spotty kid are your whole pitch? Seriously?
While picking up canned goods for surviving the Apocalypse, be sure to grab enough cans of *checks notes*
Baby Meats!
*checks notes again*
I mean Meats For Babies!
Which is totally normal and not made of babies!
Baby Meats!
*checks notes again*
I mean Meats For Babies!
Which is totally normal and not made of babies!
I just sent away for this free book on raising hamsters because they are so amazingly *checks notes* profitable!
Sargol! The revolutionary new scientific discovery guaranteed to *checks notes* Make Thin Folks Fat!
Keep your children Virol!
*checks notes*
Yup, just a couple of virol boys!
*checks notes*
Yup, just a couple of virol boys!
In these times of uncertainty, @Unilever would like to remind you that Camay Soap is *checks notes* Part Of A Healthy Diet!
As a Real Man™ I exclusively mix it up with @7UP because I *checks notes* enjoy the subtle taste of vodka!
Reach for a Luck Strike instead of a sweet for a *checks notes* figure no one can deny!
Enjoy @Martini_Global Vermouth *checks notes* in your cage!
No-Cal Ginger! *checks notes* Because you are fat!
You've never tasted @KraftBrand Mayonnaise? It has a *checks notes* Intriguing Piquancy Of Flavor!
The new fragrance from @HormelFoods let's you *checks notes* Smell Like A Sea Captain!
"The first cologne based on a sea-captain based celebrity"
"The first cologne based on a sea-captain based celebrity"
New from @LeeJeans, the brand of choice for *checks notes* People Who Don't Wear Pants!
Remember, the @FullerBrush1906 Shower Brush combines the stimulating effect of a body massage with the invigoration of a *checks notes* shower bath!
