#QuarantineDiary Day 9 Update 1:

grilled chez

#QuarantineDiary D9 #2

grilled chez

#QuarantineDiary Day 10 Update 1

The world around me seems to be losing cohesion.

Also, I saw the time knife.

Its neat.

#QuarantineDiary D10 #2

So why did nobody tell me that The Good Place and My Name Is Earl take place in the same universe?

#QuarantineDiary D11 -- 0159 PST

Finally getting back to studying. Brushing up on Unix skills so I can get that certification.

#QuarantineDiary D11 -- 0346 PST https://twitter.com/JoannaBlackhart/status/1243127026258718720

#QuarantineDiary D12 -- 1412 PST

I have now been in isolation 700 years

i can see through time and space

and it tastes purple

#QuarantineDiary D12 [March 27, 2020] -- 1412 PST

Animal Crossing will be arriving in my quarantine bubble today.

I look forward to spending time with people.

I haven't seen another living being in over 900 years.

I fear I have lost all compression

#Quarantine Diary D16 [3/31/20] -- 0317 PST

What a fucking week

1) really suddenly need a pro bono housing attorney in seattle

2) suddenly listening to metal again i guess?

3) crossed lots of animals

4) god i'm tired

#QuarantineDiary D16 0444 PST

I am now more excited about just having pickles in the house than pretty much I've ever been about anything in all my life.

God.

#QuarantineDiary D16 0458 PST Addendum --

I dropped my pickle

#QuarantineDiary D16 0656 PST --

We've all forgotten what it was like to not be alone for months at a time.

#QuarantineDiary D17 [4/1/20] 1933 PST --

A few updates.

1) Still need an attorney

2) We're all afraid of a weirdo in a bunny suit I guess?

3) D16 I'm pretty sure was over 10,000 years ago

#QuarantineDiary D17 2059 PST --

I've come to a terrible realization.

This whole time alone has made me...

made me...

...made me realize I actually really like Teen Titans Go

I'M SORRY

#QuarantineDiary D17 2103 PST --

I'm realizing through all of this an important lesson.

Time is fucking *vast*. And culture is *so* valuable.

I had never seen the value of something that could give me just a few laughs, a few minutes of solace, until all this shit.

#QuarantineDiary I spent all my time thinking that the solution to all my problems was to just keep working until I made it to the end of them. And I'm realizing more and more how wrong I've been the whole time.

I'm realizing how important it is to actually take a break.

#QuarantineDiary I thought I just had to solve one problem, one problem, the next problem, the next, until it was all solved.

I'm realizing how wrong that way.

Laughter, music, these might be some of the most valuable assets that exist.

#QuarantineDiary I think the most valuable change I can experience out of this is taking this knowledge with me after all of this is finally done.

#QuarantineDiary 2118 PST --

I really, really, really love all of you.

I want you all to know that. I adore all of you. You all mean so much to me.

I feel so happy to be a part of your lives. For all of you to be a part of mine.

Thank you so much

#QuarantineDiary D18 [4/2/20] 0126 PST --

Just realized its now past April Fools and the only 'april fools' jokes i saw were folks telling their landlord they were getting rent. Which, really is just

But also, f'real, fuck april fools day.

Also fuck landlords.

#QuarantineDiary 1029 PST --

called my mom for a quick chat and suddenly an hour was gone

time really has no meaning in the QTZ [Quarantine Time Zone]

#QuarantineDiary 2201 PST --

OH GREAT NEWS

I FINALLY GOT A LETTER FROM THAT ASSHOLE LANDLORD AND ONCE I MENTIONED WE WERE CONSIDERING LEGAL ACTION HE FUCKING BACKED HIS SCRAWNY WHITE ASS DOWN!!!!

#QuarantineDiary D20 [4/4/20] 1050 PST --

Havent slept much in the past few days. Gonna try to get a few sleeps. Bad headache and arthritis today.

#QuarantineDiary D21 [4/5/2020] 0507 PST --

Had a root beer float for the first time in as many years as I can count.

It was good.

Also the pain from yesterday is gone. Took some painkillers to make sure it stays gone.

Much improvement.

#QuarantineDiary D22 [4/6/20] 1850 PST --

Minimal pain all day today! :D

#QuarantineDiary D24 [4/8/20] 0631 PST --

No pain yesterday either! AAAA so good.

I need small fluffy animals. Please send pictures and videos of small fluffy animals. Especially birds.

#QuarantineDiary 1128 PST --

1) Bernie dropped out. So. Ya.

2) A pair of Stellars Jay have appeared to taken residence in the giant tree behind my building. I will be enjoying the season watching them grow their young. https://www.audubon.org/field-guide/bird/stellers-jay

#QuarantineDiary D26 [4/10/20] 0337 PST --

Dear Diary,

Today I slept for 11 hours, woke up, ate pizza, then went back to sleep for 6 more hours.

This has, by far, been the most productive day of Quarantine yet.

#QuarantineDiary D27 [4/11/20] 1550 PST --

God I'm tired.

#QuarantineDiary D29 [4/13/20] 2133 PST --

We've run out of plastic spoons. I'm now eating ice cream with a knife.

I also realize upon retrospect, that perhaps, spoons were always an option, and knives should be used for more foods.

Like soup.

#QuarantineDiary D30 [4/14/20] 1127 PST--

Technically we've been in quarantine a few more days but officially on our calendar, 30 days.

So here we are.

What a long fucking month.

#QuarantineDiary 1732 PST --

Wow. Two pages in. I already love this. https://twitter.com/JoannaBlackhart/status/1250193145574256642

#QuarantineDiary D31 [4/15/20] 1241 PST --

Chipotle cheddar omelette, fresh toast, and coffee

The omelette was my best ever. Thick, fluffy, amazing flavor. Very proud of myself.

#QuarantineDiary 1244 PST --

"Can you believe we've already been married for 10,000 years?" - @Emoroffle

#QuarantineDiary D32 [4/16/20] 2210 PST --

Exercised two days in a row! Real glad to have got @justdancegame on sale! It is some *serious* exercise but I'm in love with it. Also fun.

#QuarantineDiary D33 [4/17/20] 1941 PST --

Always wondered which character I'd be in an apocalypse.

Guess I know now.

#QuarantineDiary 2120 PST --

We're gonna need a #GlobalDayOfMourning after this.

#QuarantineDiary D35 [4/19/20] 0428 PST --

I have now been in Quarantine for over 9000 days and have forgotten what sunlight tastes like. I miss its smell.

#QuarantineDiary 0430 PST addendum --

I might be very very tired.

#QuarantineDiary D37 [4/21/20] 0440 PST --

I need a vacation.

I need to write.

I need to cry.

And most importantly, I need to build.

*sigh* One step at a time. Crying first is easiest.

Then the rest, later.

For now, crying. Lots of crying. Mourning.

#QuarantineDiary 0440 PST cont 1 --

I always thought in the apocalypse, all I'd be doing is building. Creating. Working. Trying.

I hate how right I was.

I hate that all I can do is build. All I can do is work. All I can do is write, and press on.

I hate it.

#Quarantine Diary cont 2 --

I understood some time ago that there was going to be an unfathomable toll on survivors, but I don't think I ever had any idea just how deep that would be.

#QuarantineDiary cont 3 --

Even understanding ahead of time what was ahead, from my study, research, and unfortunate knowledge of what was happening and going to happen, nothing could have prepared me for this.

#QuarantineDiary cont 4 --

I hate how predictable all this was, how avoidable all this was, how even now we are still watching the body count rise and the fascists push harder and harder to kill all of us.

Something has to give.

#QuarantineDiary cont 5 --

This isn't a new normal, this is an end of so many things before it. New nations will be formed, and societies will fall, before all this is said and done.

#QuarantineDiary cont 6 --

Not that I or anyone else has any idea what that new world will look like, but I can only hope its better than living in what I've come to call The Death Cult World.

Countless fools begging to murder and die for an uncaring beast.

#QuarantineDiary cont 7 --

Still, I don't know whats scarier.

Witnessing the end of Death Cult World or not knowing what comes after it, and fearing it could be so much worse than whatever this living hell is.

#QuarantineDiary cont 8 --

I'm...angry.

I'm so much further angry than I've ever been in my life.

Astonishing, really. I didn't realize I could have so much raw fury boiling inside, even when I was already formed from anger. But here we are.

#QuarantineDiary cont 9 --

The anger I feel used to be fuel. It used to push me to be stronger and faster and more rightous.

But this is different. This is boiling, raw hate. Its calm and indifferent and vindictive.

And it physically hurts.

#QuarantineDiary cont 10 --

....Even before all this began, anger was one of the only emotions I constantly had on the shelf. But now its like the shelf is gone and all of the contents have just been dumped all over the floor.

Its not contained. Its out of the bottle.

#QuarantineDiary cont 11 --

Its loose to poison what it wants, and its out of control.

And yet I still feel calm. And so I just keep building. Because I don't feel like there's anything else I can do to grasp at whatever control I can.

#QuarantineDiary cont 12 --

I keep building and studying and growing and just hoping that at the end of this tunnel of death, there is some kind of light that we just can't see yet.

There has to be. This can't be all there is.

#QuarantineDiary cont 13 --

I will make note of one thing. I'm grateful to the raw fury for at least keeping the despair at bay.

Small favors.

#QuarantineDiary cont 14 --

I think when all this is done I'm going to spend a few months drunk.

And probably need far more medication than I'm on right now.

#QuarantineDiary cont 15 --

I'm going to try to sleep a few minutes. That's been so difficult these days.

I love you, reader.

0501 PST 4/21/20

#QuarantineDiary D38 [4/22/20] 0421 PST --

The crying is so much more sporadic and frequent now.

#Quarantine Diary 0422 PST --

Just keep working.

#QuarantineDiary 0440 PST --

I haven't had a cigarette in 8 years and, god, I need one right now.

#QuarantineDiary D40 [4/24/20] 0308 PST --

I'd say "its been quiet today" but Trump told everyone to inject bleach into their veins.

Still, these days that feels almost insignificant with all the *other* continual fire.

The curve is flattening. But we will mourn for years.

#QuarantineDiary 0310 PST --

40 days in isolation.

I always wondered if I could be an astronaut. I realize now I'd probably be good with that.

But only if I could take my wife with me to Mars.

Still, I'm tired. Exhausted.

I must keep working.

#QuarantineDiary 2210 PST --

I know we've been 40 days in isolation but now I'm just really looking forward to day 69

I get the feeling its gonna be nice

#QuarantineDiary D41 [4/25/20] 0409 PST --

Just keep working, Machine Queen.

Just. Keep. Working.

#QuarantineDiary D42 [4/26/20] 0350 PST --

42 days.

I cry a lot these days.

I just have to keep working. And keep telling myself to keep working.

#QuarantineDiary D43 [4/27/20] 0126 PST --

I find that as this continues, I have more emptiness. I don't feel much these days except mourning, and joint pain.

Activities I love have lost so much emotional value to me, becoming harder by the day.

#QuarantineDiary Of course, this is the depression setting in.

I'd been recovering from it for some time over the last few years.

Things had improved, become better. I was healthier, safer.

To say I'm worried of 'relapsing' is an understatement.

#QuarantineDiary Of course, I'm not alone in this.

I've written some already about the extended trauma that the world is currently being put through.

Violence, illness, accidents have always taken people from us too soon, but this level of violence for so long is...different.

#QuarantineDiary I've always found myself unfortunately surrounded by death, but these days it hurts so much that it isnt just me.

So many people I know are suffering from losing loved ones, loved ones in pain, fighting to survive.

That number continues to grow.

#QuarantineDiary To call it traumatic is not only redundant, but perhaps completely underselling it.

I mentioned in the past a need for a worldwide day of mourning after this but even that won't be enough.

#QuarantineDiary I've been talking for some time about how life will change after this and how we don't know what that looks like, but for so many of us, its going to be empty and painful.

Recovery is a pipe dream right now, on a worldwide level.

#QuarantineDiary Of course I don't mean governments and all that bullshit, but on a personal level.

On a human level, so many people will have to do so much healing. I don't even know what thats going to look like. I can't imagine what that's going to look like.

#QuarantineDiary I'm tired.

I'm in pain.

And all I can do is keep working.

My family and my work are all I have. They're the only two things keeping me sane.

And of course, my diary here.

I love you, reader.

#QuarantineDiary 1016 PST --

I need to be drunk.

#QuarantineDiary 1039 PST --

My electrical engineering skills have advanced to the level that I really fucking hate watching youtube videos because so many jackasses on it dont have proper technique, safety, or just basic beauty in their work.

#QuarantineDiary D45 [4/29/20] 0515 PST --

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

#QuarantineDiary D49 [5/3/20] 0444 PST --

So I stayed up 26 hours and then slept 17 hours...

Also murder bees are now in Washington, and I'm never going outside again...

Oh, and the stay at home order was extended another month a few days ago...

#QuarantineDiary Had one of the most wild dreams of my life, expect an audio diary later [which will absolutely NOT be public] [[This is just a note for myself]]

#QuarantineDiary side note --

Until two days ago, I didn't have unbearable pain for two weeks which is basically a personal high score so

NICE JOB

the pain has however returned so BOOOOOOO

It'd been *LITERALLY DECADES* since I went that long without pain.

#QuarantineDiary D50 [5/4/20] 1657 PST --

1) Day 50.

2) Went out for the first time today in 50 days to the grocery store, doctor, and pharmacy.

3) I have concerns.

#QuarantineDiary So lets talk.

Went to the grocery store for the first time in two months.

And what I saw was terrifying.

I know the grocery store is doing their best, there's signs everywhere, one way aisles, the entire staff is masked, gloved, doing great.

#QuarantineDiary The problem wasn't the staff.

The problem wasn't the store.

The problem was all the white people.

1 out of every 3 white people wasn't wearing a mask.

1 out of the 3 that were wearing a mask, were wearing them incorrectly. Strapped over their heads????

#QuarantineDiary They were refusing to social distance.

100% refusing.

Getting scary close to my wife and I, zero concern for anyone.

Ignoring signs, just going about their lives like its a fucking holiday.

A lot of them were old white people, but not all of 'em.

#QuarantineDiary These are *all* problems that need to be addressed.

My wife and I immediately went to decontamination upon returning home.

Clothes went immediately into the wash, deep hand washing followed by showers.

#QuarantineDiary But all those white people? They ain't doin *shit* to keep people around them safe.

They do *not* give a fuck.

And that is killing so many countless people.

As long as white people keep like this, COVID19 is gonna stick around.

#QuarantineDiary I'm glad we got enough supplies to not leave for a while, because I refuse to endanger my wife and my life because white people only care about themselves.

I'm not here for it. Fuck that.

We're going to keep quarantining as long as possible.

#QuarantineDiary D53 [5/7/20] 0800 PST --

God I'm tired.

#QuarantineDiary 1813 PST --

*sigh* quickly realizing that all my technical skills mean nothing if I don't also understand some basic shit about business.

have an important idea but dont even slightly know where the fuck to begin.

#QuarantineDiary 1816 PST --

I need to start a nonprofit like yesterday. And I have zero god damn idea what I'm doing.

#QuarantineDiary D54 [5/8/20] 2121 PST --

The depression is less today.

Good. I needed a minute.

#QuarantineDiary D57 [5/11/20] 2327 PST --

I'm tired.

#QuarantineDiary D59 [5/13/20] 2052 --

No news to report. Not that there is no news, but nothing i can cover in such a shortly period. Merely a date update in the diary.

So much has happened.

#QuarantineDiary D60 [5/14/20] 2109 PST --

So given the way things are going, I'm not entirely convinced at this point that I didn't just die and I'm either in hell, or am currently having the worst fever dream ever in a fucking coma.

Or maybe I just did too many fucking drugs

#QuarantineDiary D63 [5/17/20] 2051 PST --

*sigh* Hey diary. Lets talk.

So, my only gay aunt died.

She was gay when I didn't know what gay was. And just like me, our family rejected her and she left her life alone and in solitary.

Just. Like. Me.

#QuarantineDiary When my family found out about me being gay and trans, she accepted me before my own mother, father, and brother did.

It was unconditional. It was immediate.

Unlike literally even my own mother and father.

That shit *still* conditional.

#QuarantineDiary Our bullshit pretend family has always been assholes, but they were being assholes to her *way* before I was even alive.

They've always wanted to be white, always married white people, always been homophobic, transphobic, abusers, absolute god damn monsters.

#QuarantineDiary She had to escape that shit. She did it for her safety, for her life. And, she found herself a life partner in the process.

Her story is just like me in that aspect.

And she probably felt alone too. I also feel that.

#QuarantineDiary She was in the hospital for several weeks before she died. She wasn't well and it was just becoming more apparent.

But even so, all of her so-called brothers and sisters, her own children, wouldn't go see her in the hospital.

All because she's gay.

#QuarantineDiary I know exactly how all that feels. I was homeless for years, no family for years, alone, scared, all because I was gay and trans.

If I'd died nobody would have been there.

But then she found a partner. I found a partner too.

#QuarantineDiary And, she wasn't so alone anymore. Her partner was even there when she was dying. Unfortunately, a very difficult thing these days, it seems.

My mom was there. She wasn't always nice to her sister, but she changed somewhere along the line. Maybe because of me.

#QuarantineDiary I don't really know what kind of person she was. Our only time in person together was when I was very little, and I don't remember it. But, the last time we talked, was a few months ago, and I made sure to tell her I loved her. And she loved me right back.

#QuarantineDiary It was never a question. It was always unconditional.

She. Always. Accepted. Me.

She always loved me.

And I don't think she knows just how much that means to me. I never got to tell her.

#QuarantineDiary *sigh* I'm tired. I imagine she was tired too.

...I'm gonna go cry for a while.

Thinkin about you, Aunt Priss.

Thanks for loving me unconditional. I'll carry that energy with me the rest of my life.

5/17/20
2106 PST

#QuarantineDiary 2320 PST --

I think I'm gonna get drunk tonight.

#QuarantineDiary D64 [5/18/20] 0005 PST --

Gonna spend my night drinking and crying.

#QuarantineDiary D65 [5/19/20] 1234 PST --

I swallowed a hair

#QuarantineDiary D66 [5/20/20] 0411 PST --

I caught a spider and set it free.

It was in the middle of trying to build an egg sack in our room.

I am not okay with that.

The spider is now outside and safe where it belongs.

#QuarantineDiary 0922 PST --

I am having milk and cookies for lunch because the world is a disaster and i am an ADULT

#QuarantineDiary D69 [I wish that was nice] [5/23/20] 0453 PST --

just this thread https://twitter.com/JoannaBlackhart/status/1264159108065751042

#QuarantineDiary been in quarantine for 69 days and it will never be fucking 'nice'