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It& #39;s taken me a while, but I& #39;m going to say something that& #39;s been haunting me for the past 25 years due to its stigma by the career-oriented world we live in, as well as the social stigma which has affected my perception of self-worth:
I don& #39;t have a college degree.
(1/21)
I don& #39;t have a college degree.
(1/21)
I came pretty close to getting one--after 5 years at the Univ. of MD in the 1990s. I was never a stellar student, getting mostly Bs and Cs. Things took a turn downward when I found myself feeling hopeless, unable to concentrate or function in school.
(2/21)
(2/21)
I had been involved in toxic relationships and engaging in self-destructive behavior and my grades were plummeting. I was very close: close enough to apply for graduation with the condition that I& #39;d finish my courseload over the summer. I even walked with a cap and gown.
(3/21)
(3/21)
Leaving school was the best thing for me at the time. I had applied for jobs already, & I was hired several hundred miles away. And I knew that I would go back after that year to finish! I just needed a break before finishing up. But I then pushed it off to the next year.
(4/21)
(4/21)
Each year I& #39;d make the same deal with myself, but it became even harder to go back with added responsibilities of a family, mortgage, etc. The thought of me dropping everything to finish terrified me.
(5/21)
(5/21)
I moved to a tech support job where I didn& #39;t need a degree. And moved up the ladder in a company I was doing well in, but in a job I really couldn& #39;t stand. But I was gripped with fear & hopelessness. People were getting masters degrees and not successful in finding work.
(6/21)
(6/21)
I was stuck: who would hire me without a degree? I knew I was a hard worker, but without that piece of paper...
Hopelessness set in. The accepted term used is "college dropout." And that& #39;s what I felt like: someone who couldn& #39;t get through college and "dropped" it.
(7/21)
Hopelessness set in. The accepted term used is "college dropout." And that& #39;s what I felt like: someone who couldn& #39;t get through college and "dropped" it.
(7/21)
I had met many college graduates who were simply not smart, clever or resourceful. But they finished, and I "dropped out." The stigma and shame of that label affected me to points where I saw no future.
(8/21)
(8/21)
We live in a society obsessed with where our career defines who we are socially, and I was never going to be proud of what I was doing with my life. I found myself dabbling back into self-destructive patterns. Deep depression and suicidal ideation.
(9/21)
(9/21)
In hindsight it& #39;s become clear that my process and behavior in college was affected by my undiagnosed mental health issues. Had I taken a look at help for my anxiety, depression and ADHD symptoms back then, perhaps things would have been very different.
(10/21)
(10/21)
My treatment now consists of medication and cognitive behavioral therapy. I& #39;m grateful for a partner and a kid who have both been very supportive of me throughout all of this. They& #39;ve seen me at my best and my not-so-best. Yet they still help me keep going. 
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(11/21)
(11/21)
In December I applied for reenrollment at U of MD, and in January I was accepted! I had been attending classes on campus for the Spring semester (now going online) -- sitting among students less than half my age and sticking out like a sore thumb. But still doing it.
(12/21)
(12/21)
It& #39;s different: the school I& #39;m attending now is a more rigorous institution than the safety school I attended 25 years ago. The students are far more motivated. And so am I: we& #39;re finishing up Spring Break and I have a 4.0.
I& #39;ve never had anything close to a 4.0 before.
(13/21)
I& #39;ve never had anything close to a 4.0 before.
(13/21)
I& #39;m hoping to finish after this summer & finally get that undergrad degree. I& #39;m looking at Masters programs in Public Health. &I feel that it& #39;s something I can do without the doom, despair and hopelessness.
Will it happen now that all this is going on? I still hope so.
(14/21)
Will it happen now that all this is going on? I still hope so.
(14/21)
Congrats for reading this far. There& #39;s actually some points:
* The expectation that those who want to have a successful career need to spend the next 4 years after high school in college does not work for everyone. We need to destigmatize other paths like trade schools
(15/21)
* The expectation that those who want to have a successful career need to spend the next 4 years after high school in college does not work for everyone. We need to destigmatize other paths like trade schools
(15/21)
And we need to do this YESTERDAY. Because kids in 6th grade are already trying to work on their resume to look good FOR COLLEGES. That& #39;s not right. 6th graders should be learning to explore what their interests are -- not what admissions departments think they should be.
(16/21)
(16/21)
* The term "dropout" needs to be deprecated. Leaving school shouldn& #39;t be shamed as lack of motivation or intelligence or resources. People who leave school shouldn& #39;t be deemed as "dropping.& #39; It leads to the assumption of failure which can lead to despair & hopelessness.
(17/21)
(17/21)
* College is TOO EXPENSIVE. There are many who dismiss it because of the cost. And there are many who stay in under intense pressure because of the financial investment they& #39;ve already made-- when they could find their path elsewhere. This should not be a fear industry.
(18/21)
(18/21)
* 2-year degrees are substantial and should be treated as such. The stigma against community colleges discourages many, and the education that comes with an Associate& #39;s degree should mean more than it does now.
(19/21)
(19/21)
