I think I’m going to write a new joke about Mrs. Doubtfire’s tits catching on fire every day. I think that’s going to be my “big project.”
They’re only letting people out to get essentials now. Things like food, gas, and in Mrs. Doubtfire’s case, cooking oil to help light her tits ablaze.
(Mrs. Doubtfire sets her tits on fire)

MRS DOUBTFIRE: (to the tune of the o’reilly auto parts jingle) 🎵 oh oh oh, oh dearyyyy 🎵
(playing two truths and a lie at freshman orientation)

MRS DOUBTFIRE: ok sooo i’ve put my face in a pie, i like to say “ohhh deary!”, and my tits aren’t on fire right now

FRESHMAN: you’ve never put your face in a pie!

MRS DOUBTFIRE: guess again 😏
(one of Mrs. Doubtfire’s tits catches on fire)

NEWS ANCHOR: this must be some sort of horrible accident...

(her second tit catches on fire)

NEWS ANCHOR: it’s now clear that this was a coordinated terrorist attack
False alarm everybody.
False alarm everybody.
False alarm everybody.
Oh my god I think that's Mrs. Doubtfire down there.
This is gonna be good.
This is gonna be good.
This is gonna be good.
Got a really nice birthday card from my grandma.
Got a really nice birthday card from my grandma.
Got a really nice birthday card from my grandma.
(Mrs. Doubtfire shakes a Christmas present, listening closely)

MRS. DOUBTFIRE: oh my god, you didn’t...

(she opens it excitedly, it’s a pair of big fake tits that are on fire)

MRS. DOUBTFIRE: YOU DID!!!
Wow she won!
no one:

absolutely no one:

not a soul:

mrs. doubtfire: my tits are on fire
way too specific
way too specific
way too specific
way too specific
way too specific
I think I'm driving behind Mrs. Doubtfire.
I'm pretty sure this is Mrs. Doubtfire's burner account.
I'm pretty sure this is Mrs. Doubtfire's burner account.
I'm pretty sure this is Mrs. Doubtfire's burner account.
I'm pretty sure this is Mrs. Doubtfire's burner account.
I'm pretty sure this is Mrs. Doubtfire's burner account.
I'm pretty sure this is Mrs. Doubtfire's burner account.
I'm pretty sure this is Mrs. Doubtfire's burner account.
I'm pretty sure this is Mrs. Doubtfire's burner account.
I'm pretty sure this is Mrs. Doubtfire's burner account.
He's clearly trying to appeal to Mrs. Doubtfire voters but I just don't think this is enough.
He's clearly trying to appeal to Mrs. Doubtfire voters but I just don't think this is enough.
He's clearly trying to appeal to Mrs. Doubtfire voters but I just don't think this is enough.
He's clearly trying to appeal to Mrs. Doubtfire voters but I just don't think this is enough.
He's clearly trying to appeal to Mrs. Doubtfire voters but I just don't think this is enough.
He's clearly trying to appeal to Mrs. Doubtfire voters but I just don't think this is enough.
He's clearly trying to appeal to Mrs. Doubtfire voters but I just don't think this is enough.
He's clearly trying to appeal to Mrs. Doubtfire voters but I just don't think this is enough.
He's clearly trying to appeal to Mrs. Doubtfire voters but I just don't think this is enough.
(mrs doubtfire crawling through the desert)

MRS DOUBTFIRE: water...water...specifically...so i can put out the fire...on my tits
(mrs doubtfire crawling through the desert)MRS DOUBTFIRE: water...water...specifically...so i can put out the fire...on my tits
(mrs doubtfire crawling through the desert)MRS DOUBTFIRE: water...water...specifically...so i can put out the fire...on my tits
(mrs doubtfire crawling through the desert)MRS DOUBTFIRE: water...water...specifically...so i can put out the fire...on my tits
(mrs doubtfire crawling through the desert)MRS DOUBTFIRE: water...water...specifically...so i can put out the fire...on my tits
(reading cue cards)

MRS DOUBTFIRE: someone help me, my

(squints)

MRS DOUBTFIRE: my tots are on fire
Really amazing how much dogs take after their owners.
Really amazing how much dogs take after their owners.
Really amazing how much dogs take after their owners.
Really amazing how much dogs take after their owners.
Really amazing how much dogs take after their owners.
Really amazing how much dogs take after their owners.
Really amazing how much dogs take after their owners.
Really amazing how much dogs take after their owners.
Really amazing how much dogs take after their owners.
PROFESSOR: you think you’re going to pass my class? well i’ve got some news for you. look to your left.

(Mrs. Doubtfire looks to her left)

PROFESSOR: now look to your right.

(Mrs. Doubtfire looks to her right)

PROFESSOR: both of your tits are on fire.
PROFESSOR: you think you’re going to pass my class? well i’ve got some news for you. look to your left.(Mrs. Doubtfire looks to her left)PROFESSOR: now look to your right.(Mrs. Doubtfire looks to her right)PROFESSOR: both of your tits are on fire.
PROFESSOR: you think you’re going to pass my class? well i’ve got some news for you. look to your left.(Mrs. Doubtfire looks to her left)PROFESSOR: now look to your right.(Mrs. Doubtfire looks to her right)PROFESSOR: both of your tits are on fire.
PROFESSOR: you think you’re going to pass my class? well i’ve got some news for you. look to your left.(Mrs. Doubtfire looks to her left)PROFESSOR: now look to your right.(Mrs. Doubtfire looks to her right)PROFESSOR: both of your tits are on fire.
PROFESSOR: you think you’re going to pass my class? well i’ve got some news for you. look to your left.(Mrs. Doubtfire looks to her left)PROFESSOR: now look to your right.(Mrs. Doubtfire looks to her right)PROFESSOR: both of your tits are on fire.
It's crazy how different your perspective on one story can be depending on where you get your news.
It's crazy how different your perspective on one story can be depending on where you get your news.
It's crazy how different your perspective on one story can be depending on where you get your news.
It's crazy how different your perspective on one story can be depending on where you get your news.
It's crazy how different your perspective on one story can be depending on where you get your news.
It's crazy how different your perspective on one story can be depending on where you get your news.
It's crazy how different your perspective on one story can be depending on where you get your news.
It's crazy how different your perspective on one story can be depending on where you get your news.
I think Mrs. Doubtfire kidnapped my son.
I think Mrs. Doubtfire kidnapped my son.
I think Mrs. Doubtfire kidnapped my son.
I think Mrs. Doubtfire kidnapped my son.
I think Mrs. Doubtfire kidnapped my son.
I think Mrs. Doubtfire kidnapped my son.
I think Mrs. Doubtfire kidnapped my son.
I think Mrs. Doubtfire kidnapped my son.
I think Mrs. Doubtfire kidnapped my son.
Here's my theory.
Here's my theory.
Here's my theory.
Here's my theory.
Here's my theory.
(Mrs. Doubtfire speaking to the president)

Sir, when I signed up for this job I took an oath. An oath to protect this country from ALL tits. Foreign...

(she shows him a picture of Osama Bin Laden with his tits on fire)

...and domestic.

(she lights her own tits on fire)
(Mrs. Doubtfire playing in the World Series Of Poker)

COMMENTATOR: now it's very subtle but she does have a tell...

(Mrs. Doubtfire checks her cards and sees she has two aces. Her tits catch on fire and she starts screaming.)

COMMENTATOR: and there it is
(Mrs. Doubtfire playing in the World Series Of Poker)COMMENTATOR: now it's very subtle but she does have a tell...(Mrs. Doubtfire checks her cards and sees she has two aces. Her tits catch on fire and she starts screaming.)COMMENTATOR: and there it is
(Mrs. Doubtfire playing in the World Series Of Poker)COMMENTATOR: now it's very subtle but she does have a tell...(Mrs. Doubtfire checks her cards and sees she has two aces. Her tits catch on fire and she starts screaming.)COMMENTATOR: and there it is
(Mrs. Doubtfire playing in the World Series Of Poker)COMMENTATOR: now it's very subtle but she does have a tell...(Mrs. Doubtfire checks her cards and sees she has two aces. Her tits catch on fire and she starts screaming.)COMMENTATOR: and there it is
(Mrs. Doubtfire playing in the World Series Of Poker)COMMENTATOR: now it's very subtle but she does have a tell...(Mrs. Doubtfire checks her cards and sees she has two aces. Her tits catch on fire and she starts screaming.)COMMENTATOR: and there it is
(Mrs. Doubtfire playing in the World Series Of Poker)COMMENTATOR: now it's very subtle but she does have a tell...(Mrs. Doubtfire checks her cards and sees she has two aces. Her tits catch on fire and she starts screaming.)COMMENTATOR: and there it is
(Mrs. Doubtfire playing in the World Series Of Poker)COMMENTATOR: now it's very subtle but she does have a tell...(Mrs. Doubtfire checks her cards and sees she has two aces. Her tits catch on fire and she starts screaming.)COMMENTATOR: and there it is
(Mrs. Doubtfire in couple's therapy with her tits)

THERAPIST: so how was this week?

MRS. DOUBTFIRE: she caught on fire

HER TITS: because YOU rubbed me against the stove!

THERAPIST: hmm...
One of the rare times they actually agreed.
One of the rare times they actually agreed.
One of the rare times they actually agreed.
One of the rare times they actually agreed.
One of the rare times they actually agreed.
Ladies and gentlemen, I love my mom, and happy Mother’s Day to her, but I gotta tell ya, it sure was hard to breastfeed!
Looks like there's some hope for this generation after all.
Looks like there's some hope for this generation after all.
Looks like there's some hope for this generation after all.
Looks like there's some hope for this generation after all.
Looks like there's some hope for this generation after all.
Looks like there's some hope for this generation after all.
Looks like there's some hope for this generation after all.
For sale: Doubtfire tits, never burned.
For sale: Doubtfire tits, never burned.
For sale: Doubtfire tits, never burned.
For sale: Doubtfire tits, never burned.
For sale: Doubtfire tits, never burned.
For sale: Doubtfire tits, never burned.
(mrs doubtfire sits in a restaurant with her tits on fire. all the servers run up to her)

SERVERS: 🎵 your tits are on fire
today! today!
your tits are on fire
hooray! hooray! 🎵

(an embarrassed mrs doubtfire looks at everyone she’s with)

MRS DOUBTFIRE: haha ok who told them?
skimming through my grandma's high school yearbook and wow, did they get this wrong
skimming through my grandma's high school yearbook and wow, did they get this wrong
skimming through my grandma's high school yearbook and wow, did they get this wrong
my plans 2020
my plans 2020
my plans 2020
people in third world countries walking around with shirts that say "mrs. doubtfire's tits did not catch on fire"
people in third world countries walking around with shirts that say "mrs. doubtfire's tits did not catch on fire"
people in third world countries walking around with shirts that say "mrs. doubtfire's tits did not catch on fire"
people in third world countries walking around with shirts that say "mrs. doubtfire's tits did not catch on fire"
(mrs doubtfire waking up from a dream where her tits aren’t on fire)

AHHHHHH!!!!
Looks like the right one died of a broken heart 😢
Looks like the right one died of a broken heart
Looks like the right one died of a broken heart
Looks like the right one died of a broken heart
Looks like the right one died of a broken heart
Looks like the right one died of a broken heart
Looks like the right one died of a broken heart
Looks like the right one died of a broken heart
Looks like the right one died of a broken heart
(Mrs. Doubtfire’s on a blind date)

GUY: i had to call things off with my last girlfriend because her tits kept catching on fire. so annoying 😂😂😂

MRS DOUBTFIRE: yeah so annoying 😬😬😬
CO-WORKER: hey you've got some uhhh (points to their mouth)

MRS DOUBTFIRE: oh! (she picks a little piece of spinach out from between her teeth)

CO-WORKER: and some uhhh (points to their tits)

MRS DOUBTFIRE: oh right (she extinguishes the flames on her tits)
feels, uh...stupid to do these right now? taking a break for the time being. donate. https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/donate 
Minnesota Freedom Fund

https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/donate
You can follow @ChrisStephensMD.
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