TL asleep?

Being a first born in a black household is really painful. Even when your family asures you that they’re fine, you will always feel compelled to do right by them. Sometimes I wonder how far I would be if I didn’t have to start at home. https://twitter.com/SissGugu/status/1242226099033190401

My mother was diagnosed with depression. She had a tough childhood & didn’t deal with it as a young woman. She finally crumbled in her 40’s. I want to vent to my mom but sometimes I suffer with all my shit inside, fearing that I’ll put her on a hospital bed with my problems.

My dad takes all of it & soldiers on. Hustles and manages to pull it together for all of us. My worry is that it’s starting to look like a cycle. Childhood traumas raising an adult with traumas.

The biggest trauma? I pretend as if I have it all together.

Oh black child.

That’s the thing I’m realising about black people. We can’t be moved by anything because we’re used to pain. However, it shouldn’t be a norm to be used to pain.

Do you know what the biggest plot twist is? I’m a traditional healer. A fully booked healer. Every human being from South Africa to America, looks to me. I have to wipe tears everyday without breaking down infront of clients. Why? I am supposed to be strong.

I hope one day we will smell the fruits as black people. Far and wide. So that our children can tell different stories. So that we don’t carry our traumas to the next generation.

I hope you know that it’s ok not to be ok.

I’m doing so well guys. So so well. Umsebenzi nguwenza like it’s my last day on earth - I genuinely enjoy building my career and working on having a better life. This is where I come from...

...and you know what? Ang’buyeli emuva. I will smell the fruits and my family will heal.

Why am I venting on social media. I’m scared to look at the comments. Woah - I’m crying like someone died. Goodnight.

The most hectic comments Have a good day yol.

Awukwazi ukufunda?