THREAD: Sarah's Oreo rankings. Here I rank, from worst to best, the 9 Oreo flavors that I can recall eating in the last several years. I know there are some very common Oreos not on the list (Golden Oreos), and I will not consider trivial variations such as the Double Stuf. 1/n

9th: Chocolate Marshmallow Oreos. A foul concoction! Even for Oreos, these are way too sweet, and they have little crunchy flecks. It's like eating frosted sugar gravel. A memorably bad oreo. 2/n

8th: Dark Fudge Covered Oreos. The only real competitor to the CMOs for "worst Oreo." The filling is camouflaged by a thin chocolate shell, ruining the delicate interplay between creme and cookie. Without this contrast, you realize what garbage you're eating. Unforgivable. 3/n

I bought both of the last place competitors during one guilty run at the cookie section and dropped almost all of both boxes off in my department kitchen, to be eaten by scavengers. I felt even more regret and disgust than I usually do with Oreo purchases. 4/n

7th: Mint Oreos. I would never buy these for myself, but they're not abusive like the last two. A little bit... toothpasty. I haven't had these in quite a while, so I don't want to say too much in case my memory is hazy. 5/n

6th: Red Velvet Oreos. The first/last? time I had these was in community college. I remember my very athletic friend being horrified as I shredded my way through 1/3rd of a package in his car. He asked me to the roll the window down b/c the smell was making him feel sick. 6/n

As I recall they were pretty good, but somewhat worse than standard Oreos. 7/n

5th: Standard Oreos. Nothing much to say about these. They're fine. I don't buy them to use on myself, but they're a good, uncontroversial pick to bring as a snack for others. 8/n

4th: Peanut Butter Oreos. Here, we enter the realm of legend. None of my top four Oreos are merely "adequate." They enter into consistently victorious combat with the palate. A Peanut Butter Oreos is like if you took a Nutter Butter, itself an exceptional cookie, and 9/n

performed a druidic ritual over it for five hundred years to enhance its muscles and snackability to terrifying proportions. I thank God every day that my local markets do not sell this flavor. 10/n

3rd: Pistachio Oreos. Whereas the PBO was a titan of sugary flavor, the Pistachio Oreo is a dance interpreting Van Gogh's starry night. It comes (to my knowledge) only in the thin sizing, making it seem almost edible. The pistachio-ness builds up only over several cookies 11/n

but is delightful when it arrives. 12/n

2nd: Coconut Creme Oreos. Dear reader, I have a 2/3rds full box of these sitting in front of me as we speak. I have no idea by what evil surgery Nabisco implanted an entire slice of coconut creme cake into a single Oreo, but it truly is like eating two desserts at once. 13/n

AND THEY ARE BOTH SO GOOD. 14/n

1st: Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie Oreos. The chocolate and peanut butter cremes are curled around each loving and supportively. Where the PBO was Oddyseus, the CPBPO is Oddyseus and Penelope. On its home planet, this Oreo stands for hope. n/n