What are your favourite "so bad it's good" movies? I want to watch one. Maybe even live-tweet it if I'm in the mood.

Okay, some excellent suggestions here. For tonight I went with something whose title made me stop and go:

What. WHY was this ever made?

I'm watching Titanic II.

We'll see how this goes.

Opening credits and my brain is melting already.

We're way up north somewhere and there's a montage of mountains, dolphins, and a shirtless man. He's getting dressed for something, but I don't know what.

Surfing? Okay, whatever. I don't know what cold-water surf outfits look like. He's having fun. Until an iceberg cracks in front of him and creates a large wave.

At this point I worry the title might be a metaphor.

Right. So we cut from the surfer to a coast guard control centre, a guy answered a call and said "how big" a couple of times, then called for a helicopter. Are we going back to surf man? Apparently not. Cut to Titanic II, with happy travellers waving from the deck.

Quick weird conversation between crew members and here comes a helicopter. But it's not the coast guard. It's some guy who has four women with him and you know he doesn't remember their names. Crew member wants to be introduced to him because apparently she has no standards.

One of the women is concerned about the lifeboats. She's assured by rich man Hayden (who's signing autographs) the real boats are down below.

Finally a connection. Crew member is daughter of coast guard guy, who's on his way to investigate a calving glacier in Greenland.

Good grief. Dad is concerned about daughter doing this because the ship preparation was rushed for the anniversary date.

And Hayden is off the elevator with three women, having disposed of one already.

There's tension between him and Amy (coast guard daughter).

Also, either I don't understand how elevators work or the continuity department fell asleep on the job.

"This day will go down in this nation's history."

Yes, we all remember the dates for ship launches as well as we do our own birthdays.

Carry on.

The fate - tempting superlatives are strong here.

I've never taken a cruise. I know they have medical staff on board, but does that include optometrists? There are eye charts on the wall. Seems like a weird thing to include.

This launch is elaborate.

Okay, so the Internet tells me daytime fireworks are a thing, but I don't think they should look like this.

Conversation in front of bad green screen that's supposed to be Greenland

Moving on.

I'm assuming surf guy didnt make it. RIP his sweet moves.

What even is this conversation between Hayden and Amy? It's like there was a war between three different screenwriters over the relationship dynamic these two should have and then ended it by saying "fine, they're all of the things."

Dude, her dad's not paranoid. You stole his boat for a 2AM joyride (something I learned during this emotionless infodump conversation).

I'm willing to bet the role of the ship captain was originally given to someone about 5 inches taller and 30 lbs heavier, based on how this suit fits.

Also, walking around the bridge drinking tea from a cup and saucer? *sigh*

More lifeboat comments. Ooh, wonder if that'll be a problem later?

And we're back to GreenScreenland for another reminder of how the calving will devastate the north Atlantic. In case we forgot.

Scientist fumbles canisters, and drops one. Glacier begins fracturing. Was it the canister? Who knows.

Female scientist blandly says "run," and might be wearing boots with heels. On a glacier.

RIP canister guy.

I'm so sorry for laughing at your poorly - rendered death.

I don't care if you're in the coast guard. You're not pulling that woman over the ledge one-handed and moving on as if your arm didn't get pulled from its socket.

Coast guard guy just asked for an alert to be sent out asking ships to avoid icebergs.

Again, not an expert, but wouldn't "don't hit icebergs" be something you learn on your first day??

Also there's a chance of zombie Titanic rising to the surface and if that turns out to be a tease I'll riot.

Periscope guy in a sub somewhere after being given new coordinates:
"Let's get this cigar smoking" with an intense look that does not belong in this movie.

I hope he says that every time he gets instructions.

Hayden still only has three women. I'm concerned for the whereabouts of the fourth.

They're moving the passengers below deck. This can only end well.

As Hayden and the first officer walk the hallway, there's a sign with directions to on-board amenities. I'll bet Jack Dawson's tickets it becomes relevant that this ship has has a diving facility.

I know the situation is critical, but Periscope Guy's intensity is too much.

At most 30 seconds has passed and this guy is covered in sweat. I don't think that's how sweat works.

RIP periscope guy and sweat guy

Why is the captain taking sailing advice from the guy who owns the ship? Is it because the girl he once dated thought he'd eventually join the coast guard?

The first officer reminds everyone the engines aren't broken in. But guess whose advice the captain takes?

Really specific message James (coast guard guy) is leaving Amy.
"Get people to the upper decks"
Whatever the plot needs him to say, I guess.
Another lifeboat mention, and end voice mail.

No way. They're not going to go to St. John's. Okay, time to see how this pans out.

Ugh, the woman collector's going to be the hero, isn't he? He has enough convenient knowledge that all signs point to this.

Ship has stopped. I think they might be using cut reels from James Cameron's yard sales.

I can't breathe. This scene is supposed to be panic. They've just been told to get their life vests. But the extras look like someone said "Fall down in the most ridiculous way possible. Run into a pole. Trip on your own shoe."

I just want one person to say "Iceberg! Straight ahead!"

Nobody's saying it, but you know there's a gag reel where they all take turns saying it.

I'm guessing some stunt doubles didn't show up and the actors had to do their own stunts.

These people are the worst ship designers ever.

You had enough lifeboats, but you put them where you did because *you didn't anticipate getting hit from the side.*

On a ship called Titanic II. Designed to honour Titanic.

Amateurs.

"Women and children first?"

"Looks like history is repeating itself"

This is poetry.