APPARENTLY I'm not allowed to lurk in the dark with a hatchet and ambush people.

I should be keeping a list of #QuarantineRules

1) Not allowed to give people jailhouse tattoos unless they consent.
#QuarantineRules

2) Not allowed to lurk in the dark with a hatchet and ambush housemates.
#QuarantineRules

3) Not allowed to ambush housemates in an attempt to convince them to take up boxing with me.
#QuarantineRules

4) Not allowed to start prioritizing which neighbors will get eaten in what order.
#QuarantineRules

PS the cop is going down first

5) Not allowed to scream dramatically when Ursula is using power tools even if she is weed whacking nutrient dense superfoods.
#QuarantineRules

6) Not allowed to riot in the kitchen.
#QuarantineRules

7) Not allowed to get drunk and slide into people's DMs even if the messages are so extremely wholesome that some people don't realize I'm flirting extravagantly.
#QuarantineRules

I have been ignoring that rule though, to be honest.

8) Not allowed to follow @UrsulaV around while loudly reciting the Nicene Creed.
#QuarantineRules

9) Not allowed to trade the internal combustion vehicles for mules.
#QuarantineRules

10) Not allowed to exclaim "it's the rona! We're all gonna die!" every time the pollen makes someone sneeze.
#QuarantineRules

11) Not allowed to build a device to allow Sergei to launch his new throwing stars at people.
#QuarantineRules https://twitter.com/UrsulaV/status/1242122567445614605?s=19

12) Not allowed to kidnap a masseuse and quarantine them in the attic.
#QuarantineRules

13) Not allowed to unilaterally declare that @UrsulaV and @ksonney are responsible for the lamb for the next hour and then go running into the night to lurk around the neighborhood.
#QuarantineRules

14) Not allowed to petition the Pope OR the Superior General of the Society of Jesus to personally pray for my bottle lambs on the grounds that "God takes Jesuits really seriously". Apparently I should be Catholic first.
#QuarantineRules

15) Not generally allowed to bother Jesuits I don't know personally about my lambs at all.
#QuarantineRules

...I need to befriend some Jesuits. Ahem.

16) Not allowed to inquire of acquisition editors at publishing houses if they have a "you keep what you kill" policy re book contracts.
#QuarantineRules

17) Not allowed to make a list of authors to fight in case any publishing houses do, in fact, have a "you keep what you kill" policy re book contracts.
#QuarantineRules

18) Not allowed to summon eldritch entities on the property.
#QuarantineRules

19) Not allowed to carry my boar spear with me off the property to enforce appropriate social distance of 6 feet.
#QuarantineRules

20) Not allowed to abolish the state by revolution or fiat without first achieving consensus.
#QuarantineRules

21) Not allowed to use lighter fluid to burn working class propaganda into the lawn of the cop down the street in hopes that he will reconsider his life choices and take a job less damaging to society.
#QuarantineRules

22) Not actually allowed to have lighter fluid, just on general principles.
#QuarantineRules

23) Not allowed to run screaming into the night because of a fierce longing for Taco Bell
#QuarantineRules

24) Not allowed to run psych experiments on my housemates.
#QuarantineRules

25) Not allowed to keep adult sheep in the bedroom even if I am stricken with the rona.
#QuarantineRules

26) Not allowed to watch butthole cut trailer for CATS on big TV
#QuarantineRules

27) Not allowed to mount a pig's head on a spike at the end of the driveway to discourage visitors.
#QuarantineRules

27b) No, I still can't do it if I offer to downgrade to the head of a member of Sus scrofa domesticus.
#QuarantineRules