Home for the summer? pandemic? purgatory? now, like this tweet if you want me to start a thread of all the stupid shit my parents say

I asked my dad about the pen ink on his arm and he responded “My doctor likes to doodle while he talks”

My dad finished monologuing about something that was important to him and only him, and my stepmom replies “sometimes you talk for so long I forget what I’m gonna say”

When a game program was mentioned, my dad looked confused so I said “oh, they’re super fun!” And he asked (dead seriously) “intellectually stimulating?” Because that’s what he really cares about

My dad just called to tell us to open the boxes of the wings we’re picking up in an HOUR to make sure his wings don’t get soggy. Couldn’t just text, it was urgent

He called again about the wings.

My stepmom heard a song go “feel like I’m breathing my last breath” and she goes “covid theme song!”

My dad said that if we insulted his Christian soft rock that “god will getcha”

My sister asked my dad “didn’t you have anything weird you did with your friends?” And my dad says “you mean kicking Kevin when he fell over and telling him to get up?” Father no

My dad has a split nail and has been routinely borrowing my clear coat to seal it (yes we make fun of him for painting his nails). Today he was updating us, tried to say he hit his cracked nail, but he just blurted “I hit my crack!!” And descended into giggles

We told my dad that my one sister sleeps in the least because she feels gross when she does, he then turns to her and says “so did you sleep in today?”