Sooooo. Those back problems? They got worse. It was apparently a major disc slip. I fell, called 112, had emergency surgery. Now I have a long road of hopefully recovering my mobility and sensation on all my lower half again. I'm ok, Ori-mama is ok, will keep you posted.

At hospital, but well taken care of and medicated. Managed to stand up and take a couple of side-steps. Send all your happy thoughts I can fully regain my butt and legs.

I'm gonna have some very confused nurses when they find me talking to my toes and telling them "Remember who you are" in Mufasa voice so they'll move.

The room has a kickass TV and #TheWalkingDead is on in a bit. Bit further than where I've caught up to. Tempted...

Night nurse: Oh I love #TheWalkingDead , it's just a shame I haven't gotten to see the last few seasons yet.

Me, internally: Protect yourself, child!

I can move a little more and feel a little more, but now X-Men is on TV and I'm having an early midlife crisis at the realization that this movie is 20 years old.

Also, my lady bits may still be numb, but boy, are they trying hard over Hugh Jackman.

This new place is shit, but I'm managing and befriending all the less-shitty nurses for help. I can actually work while lying down, too, so I feel a bit better today. In constant pain, but it motivates me to heal and GTFO as fast as possible.

I moved my ass and got up to sit on the bed all by myself today. Progress! Also, send tweezers, I just saw my eyebrows in the mirror.

Doctor: If you're feeling better, should we reduce the painkillers?

Me:

I JUST stopped hurting when I move and you think making me hurt again will motivate me to do the very thing that will hurt and which I need to be increasingly doing right now? Think, son.

Physiotherapist: Are both of your parents Greek?

Me: Yup, born and raised full Greek.

Physiotherapist: Wow, your Finnish is impressive.

Me: I talk a lot. It helps.

Physiotherapist: Yeah, being an extrovert helps.

Me: *sweats in introvert*

*cute medical students walk in*

Brain: Alright, be cheerful and friendly. Show them your progress, aid their education!

Ass:

I've been moved to the neurology department and I have a physiotherapy schedule for next week. This place is lovely. Staff, facilities, food, everything. I'm so relieved.

The sweet physiotherapist from the previous place even came to my door to wish me good luck when I left the other place. Can I adopt him as an uncle, cousin or something?

Standing wobbly ovation for Teijo the fluffy-haired sweetheart.

The young lady next to me talks more than I do, which is an achievement. 7/10 words are swearwords. She's really nice, but has speech and memory problems after what looks like a massive head surgery. She's fun, but boy was I not ready for someone more rambly than I am.

Juggling work, my own needs and entertainment and also keeping her company. It must be really frustrating not fully knowing who you are, why you are where you are, not remembering words and family and such. I hope she fully recovers. Will give her lots of Ori-love while here.

My new best friend. I've rubbed this stuff on every surface of me I can reach. It's amazing so far. I need to check the price.

My roommate got her own room due to her concentration problems and I get the most spoiled, bratty aireheaded 17-year-old moved in. I hope you do escape as you plan, because if I wasn't sure I don't want children before today, I'd be ripping my ovaries out right now.

The girl with brain damage who is missing a week's worth of memories says the car crash was the best thing that happened to her because she'll miss school and get insurance money. This is apparently normal she. Bring my Eve back!

On another note, I was brought a leaflet about the sexuality of women with disabilities and I was kind of worried until I thought about hot men and realized everything seems to be in working order so far.

I will have a cute Portuguese nurse named Fernando wiping my ass today, which I'm pretty sure makes me some form of European royalty.

Everyone else brought me disgusting watered down syrup "juice" and Fernando brings me actual orange juice. We stan Fernando the wise nurse.

No one can beat lunch lady though. I need to ask her name next time. She actually ordered chocolate pudding for me and my previous roommate because we said we miss chocolate. Standing ovation for epic and fun lunch lady.

I can cross showering in front of a guy while chatting soccer off my non-existent bucket list. My nurse confessed he briefly hated Greece in 2004 because we won over Portugal during UEFA. It's okay, buddy. That hate is an unspoken legal obligation. I'll allow it.

In other news, the hellspawn was whining on her phone, on speaker, in group chats from 11AM to 10PM yesterday. The night nurse told me they'd try to help me today. Gag her, take her phone, move her, I'll learn to walk again just so I can get on my knees and thank you.

We continue to stan Fernando the nurse. Fernando the Razor Bringer. Finally. Now I just need my eyebrow tweezers and a bra.

The hellspawn is gone! I don't know what pit they threw her down, but I hope it's deep enough to feel like home.