You're the First Man I've Ever Loved and I Hate Myself for It.

- a thread.

Idk what's it about you that made me love you this much, is it your stupid fckng face straight outta magazine? Is it the way you pronounce my name? Your scent? Your voice? Your polo shirts? Your attitude? I'm not certain.

The only thing I'm sure about is that this is more than just mere physical attraction or infatuation. I liked you on the second day of knowing you and I loved you on week three.

And I hate myself for it.

From the very beginning I knew about the things that will happen and the things that will not. I knew the stars will never align and the odds will never be on my favour but I loved you either way.

And I hate myself for it.

I have so many things to say; so many pent up emotions inside me but there are things that I myself find so pathetic I can't utter nor write the words. The only level of pathethic I could reach is admitting to everyone how much I love you

and I hate myself for it.

I love you so much you have become the reason why I cant leave this job and this city. The reason why I changed how I dress. Reason why I went to the office two hours before my shift and leave one and a half hours after. You are the reason why I'm happy, reason why I'm sad.

Reason why I drank cheap liquor at 3 a.m.. Reason why I cry myself to sleep at night, and the reason for many other things.

You have become my center for everything and I hate myself for it.

I have asked and asked the universe for signs and every single time, it gave me something that I didn't want so I continued being a fool for you.

The universe probably had enough so it made something happen that is beyond my control; it seperated you from me and I will probably not see you for weeks or even months and this is the universe's way of helping me move on.

As of writing, I haven't seen you for a week and I miss you so fckng much so I don't know if I could endure months of not seeing you. My being craves to be near you; I want to feel your presence. I feel so sad and lonely and I hate myself for it.

I just hope that this really works. I hope that I am strong enough for this. I hope that when everything goes back to normal, I won't be hurting anymore. I hope I have moved on by then.

I made visions of you inside my head and they are holding me hostage and I want to escape. I want to break free. I want to break free from the stockholm syndrome I created myself; I want to break free from my love for you.

I want to stop hating myself.

- end of thread and the beggining of the end of my feelings for you.

char.

but seriously tho, I'm going to stop being so fckng pathetic na. im going to stop making papansin. im going to stop talking about you. this is the first and last time I'm going to talk about my feelings without going on private.

lezzgo, kier, you can do this, i believe in you

the next tweet that i'm going to add here is a tweet when i have finally moved on-- really, really moved on.

Today, I realized several things. One of which is the fact that I will never truly move on for you are the first man I've ever loved and I could never get over that; I will always love and adore you.

But today, I also realized that I can't keep on being pathetic. I can't keep on hurting myself. I can't keep on crying myself to sleep at night.

I can't keep on hating myself for loving you.

So today, I'm going to free myself from myself.

Starting today, I'm going to be free; I'm going to be happy.

Today is the end of this chapter of my life and a start of new one.

Today, I'm going to love myself as much as I loved you.

- end of thread.