So. Perspective.

Days 0 & 1

Known #Covid19 exposure days occur.
These days I have no idea I’ve been exposed. I’m working in the ICU with the same dry cough I’ve had off and on for months—the patient had no respiratory complaint or fever.
Post #Covid19 exposure day 2.

I have a dry cough, it’s not worse, I feel fine. The incubation period for the virus is 2-14 days, and I don’t know I’ve been exposed yet, so though I’m self-isolating as much as possible (public transit) I’m not taking additional precautions.
Post #Covid19 exposure day 3

No coughing, some body aches, headache, exhaustion, mild sore throat. I’m off work and feel like I typically do post nights.

Continuing to take my symbicort, spiriva, and singulair.
Post #Covid19 exposure day 4

Much worse body aches. Like, so bad. I’m wincing in every position—all of my joints are on fire and swollen.

Temperature 36.6-36.9C, exhaustion, sore throat, GERD? restarted home famotidine

Scheduled to work, called out, staying in bed.
Post #Covid19 exposure day 5

All symptoms continue unabated, except the cough has returned and it’s stronger, but still dry. Holding Flonase due to bloody nose.

Placed on quarantine by the hospital d/t verified significant exposure
Post #Covid19 exposure day 6

Wearing green jammies, drinking tea. Exhausted. My back hurts so much. My throat is sore. Sub-sternal chest pain like a hot prickly blossom just above the diaphragm.
Texted designated staff RN with an update: informed that work may *not* pay for mandatory quarantine time like they assured us they would.

Occupational Medicine has not called like I was told they would yesterday. Called the hotline: they took my number.
Post #Covid19 exposure day 7

Exhausted, afebrile, no changes to symptoms. BID famotidine has not alleviated the heartburn. OM returned call, left message with direct number. Attempted to return call x5, busy signal each time.
Therapy visit via telehealth service ended, as provider is not licensed to practice in the state I am quarantined in.

Discovered I meet criteria for drive-thru #COVID19 testing, but unable to access due to lack of a private vehicle.
Post #Covid19 exposure day 8

Woke at 6am coughing with a bark and wheezing, unable to lay flat. Took my emergency inhaler for the first time since symptoms began. My lungs sound like rubbing the length of several pieces of hair between your fingers every time I breathe in.
After taking my emergency inhaler, I feel much better, but I’m incredibly fatigued. I haven’t had much appetite since day 3, and just walking up a few steps makes my heart pound. I find I have to take frequent breaks even when doing things that don’t take much energy (tweeting).
Part of the problem I’m facing is I already have PTSD from being intubated before, so I worry and fear. But I have the best friends in the world.
For context, propofol is a sedative agent, and when I was previously intubated I was not adequately sedated, so I’m terrified of that happening again.
And I am happy to block anyone who decides that I should not express myself any way I see fit, this is my timeline and it is my own trauma, and you don’t have to have access to it.
I have absolutely had it up to fucking here *gestures at head* with people policing what I say on my own goddamn timeline.

Don’t be a cop.
[taking a break because I am sick and I am exhausted and I am angry, and I don’t want to be angry at people who don’t deserve it]
#COVID19 UPDATE: I’m winded from taking off my pullover.

Boo.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 9

Sleeping well while elevated on two large pillows; took my emergency inhaler only twice overnight. Still have crackles. Gonna take a cough suppressant today, even though I’m coughing up phlegm occasionally.
Twenty minutes of anything: playing video games or scrolling twitter or trying to read, and I’m exhausted. I’m short of breath. I’m freezing, except for the part where I’m actually radiating a lot of heat.

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1240830600719634432?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1240830600719634432
“the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few ... or the one.” #COVID19 #StarTrek #VulcanVibes
Post #COVID19 exposure day 10

For those of you following along, this is symptom day 7. Last night was the worst night so far. Up on pillows, coughing all night, using my albuterol inhaler every couple hours.

Dextromethorphan does nothing for my cough. Honey isn’t doing much.
I’m still easily winded, and my voice keeps trying to leave. Worst of all, I’m having PTSD flashbacks but they are combining with previous hospital experiences of respiratory failure, intubation, restraint use, paralysis, etc.

This is by far the worst part of #COVID19.
There are no telepsych services available through my provider because of state lines, although someone said the FDA lifted that requirement...I was unaware the FDA was responsible for state licensure issues. But it doesn’t matter.

My PTSD is flaring and this is a rough time.
So again, when do I go to the ER? There’s this advice from @/ShannonOMac regarding NYC.

#COVID19 https://twitter.com/ShannonOMac/status/1241478802351558656
To be clear, that was a few days ago—feeling like I was on a treadmill walking across the living room—and I’m still lingering in illness but not getting worse. #COVID19
I just apologized for apologizing for coughing, if anyone is wondering about the effect childhood trauma is having on my current psychological state. #COVID19
Post #COVID19 exposure day 11

Took a tessalon perle last night and finally got four hours of sleep without coughing. Displaced a rib coughing yesterday, so that’s good.

No fever. Just tired.
Had some feelings about #COVID19 and #cPTSD this morning. https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1241744421609070592
So, idk what the story is on gastrointestinal distress with #COVID19 but there is No Reason for this and Wow wow wow
Ok so there is a reason and the reason is GI symptoms are way more common now than initially reported with #Covid19 but. Geez. So happy we have indoor plumbing, is all I’m going to say about that.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 12

Not doing great. Will post more later. Using my emergency inhaler, crackles on inspiration and expiration unless I allow myself to cough a lot, everything hurts.

I’m going to rest today. Hopefully.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 13

I’m technically off quarantine *for exposure* tomorrow, but not off quarantine for symptoms.

How long can I do this? How long can I be sick like this? I’m not well but neither am I so sick I should be in the ICU.
I’m breathing better—18 times a minute while asleep, I’m told, and less labored. Cough is no longer a wet pneumonia cough but back to a dry bark. No crackles. In fact, not much of anything.
I’m accustomed to a “silent chest” being v bad, a sign I’m about to crash from asthma, but I don’t feel or seem to be in respiratory distress.

I’m so tired. Just...very tired.
I’m glad I’m not worse. I’m afraid I’m going to suddenly get worse. #COVID19

Does that make sense?
Post #COVID19 exposure day 14

So I tried proning with my pulse ox. On my back, even with my two pillows, I’m tachypneic (~26 breaths per minute, can’t have a conversation, etc), my heart rate is around 100-105, and my SpO2 is 91-92%
When I turn over my heart rate briefly goes up to the 120s, but after ten minutes or so proned my heart rate is in the 70s and my SpO2 is 96%

I feel better. Less labored. Less coughing.
I measured my SpO2 after brushing my teeth and walking from the bathroom to the bed (about eight feet) and my SpO2 was 92% and my heart rate was 110.
And I am doing *so much* better than a few days ago. So I figure I actually needed the hospital and oxygen, etc. Explains why I felt like I was dying and I couldn’t even play video games.

Now I just have zero reserve.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 15, symptom day 12

It’s ribs 5 & 6, a sharp cold burn that arcs along the left side of my sternum, flaring intensely every time I breath in
https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1242932245687492608?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1242932245687492608
Thinking that it’s rib pain, I provide counterpressure while coughing and the connection points at the back ache then burst through, a pain like biting into a gusher—those candies, do you recall?
Middle of the night there’s a coughing jag. I wake suddenly, feeling like I’m smothering.

I’m forgetting things. I’m forgetting to go to the bathroom. I’m forgetting I have water by my bed.

My SpO2 this morning is 94%
I have these bursts of energy, several throughout the day, but after they go I forget they existed.

My mental health is not in a good place. I’ve been going outside just to feel the air and the sun, but it’s not enough.
Spent two hours doing this, then took a nap, then a shower, and now I’m getting some sun and friends—I am exhausted already.

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1243187554590920704?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1243187554590920704
Occupational Medicine called to schedule my “get out of quarantine” examination and that’s laughable. Bold of them to assume I even want out of quarantine, first of all.
Secondly, I missed the call because I was asleep and lololol calling them back oh my god I don’t have the energy to stay on hold. I don’t even have the energy to talk.
Called them back and left a short of breath message, I misspelled my own name the first time and my own email address the second time 😂 I need an autocorrect, but for my speech.
Going back to bed
Two and a half hours (not doing anything really) is my maximum awake time.
To make this whole thing even better, my body is like “you know those hormones we’ve been taking to suppress your uterine function? yeah they don’t work now that you’ve got #COVID19.” and I’m just like...........
Good nap but wow everything hurts and I am so sore.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 16, symptom day 13

Managed to stay up a little longer before my first nap today, but I definitely stayed up too long because I feel sick and stiff and everything aches.

Going to sleep in a minute.
in other #Queerantine news, if you’re interested in Star Wars LEGO. it’s Tantive IV.

the GI symptoms have resumed with a vengeance and I’m just...exhausted tbh

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1243187554590920704?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1243187554590920704
Post #COVID19 exposure day 17, symptom day 14

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1243912030613979136?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1243912030613979136
Today I am very sore and very tired, probably because I didn’t take any analgesics/antipyretics before bed and also didn’t take any when I got up this morning. Everything just aches.

Managed to have soup for breakfast, tho. Managed to make some coffee and drink it.
I keep having these issues with my heart rate going up to the 120s and 130s at rest.
I don’t feel bad. I feel better than I have, overall, not coughing much, breathing a little rapidly but not labored, satting well, but I’m just sitting here with my heart rate 130 and pounding, and it’s wearing me out. Been going on for days.
Do we even know what the convalescent phase looks like?

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1243987683929518080?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1243987683929518080
Mini-thread here about how I am a reckless healthcare provider

https://twitter.com/joshfessel/status/1243985196371902465?s=21 https://twitter.com/JoshFessel/status/1243985196371902465
(when caring for myself)
Post #COVID19 exposure day 18, symptom day 15
#COVID19

Comparing last Sunday with this Sunday: last Sunday I had more energy even though I was coughing and wheezing a lot more.

Today my energy waxed and wanes. My heart rate is far more variable. My sats will drop for no reason, then rise for no reason.
I should clarify: I assume there is a reason. I just don’t know what the reason is.
Oh. And I should tell you this, as I’ve been doing it for a little over a week at this point.

https://twitter.com/medicalaxioms/status/1244250706745290753?s=21 https://twitter.com/medicalaxioms/status/1244250706745290753
Mini-rant thread about being a responsible patient in these troubling times. Note: I am an ICU nurse. I am capable of accurately assessing and reporting my own symptoms.

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1244299033583083521?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1244299033583083521
Had a nap today. Horrible pandemic dream during.

Took a shower. And walked up 12 steps to the bedroom...that’s a heart rate of 151 and an SpO2 of 93%, everyone.

Second image is eight minutes later after sitting down.
So it’s escalating in rate slightly over time.

At what point is this...no longer just a wait and see but a need to go to the ER? PCP’s office is not an option.
*This is not a request for medical advice, this is me musing aloud*
Post #COVID19 exposure day 19, symptom day 16

Good morning. I would like a 12 lead and a holster monitor, thank you.
Aaaaaand this is enough daytime. I’m going to bed.
Slept a couple hours in a blanketed heap with cats. Got my bath in.
*HOLTER* omfg phone you asshole a *HOLTER MONITPE*
ANYWAY here is the issue. I think I need a 12 lead and an echo but watch me go to the ER and expose all those people and just be sent home because it’s not a priority right now.

https://twitter.com/emily_fri/status/1244472386176585731?s=21 https://twitter.com/emily_fri/status/1244472386176585731
Post #COVID19 exposure day 20, symptom day 17

Contacted the telehealth services and they agree with occupational medicine (& everyone else, natch) so

FINE okay I’m going to the ER

off to the triage tent I go but I’m not happy about it. Write THAT down.
Hahaha my O2 sat is fine. I’m still tachy but not bad. Chest X-ray and EKG are next.
ER doc: “well, test or not, you have it, this is presumed positive COVID19, the tachycardia and exhaustion are what everyone is reporting.”
Me: “I know”
GUESS WHAT I AM IN NORMAL SINUS RHYTHM (with marked sinus arrhythmia, as per usual, and a flipped T wave in V3, also as per usual)
Chest X-ray from the door, you know, I suspected that was possible and I am irritated about all the chest tubes that have been knocked over and rearranging equipment I’ve had to do when they could just...shoot from the door.
ER doc: “sounds like you’ve been having these symptoms for awhile, what changed that made you feel like you needed to come in?”

Me: “nothing” 😭
ER doctor: *raises both brows*

Me: “okay so my heart rate has been taching up to 130s at rest. I will be just fine and then pounding. And it could be post-viral myocarditis or something, I don’t know, and I’m still short of breath, and it’s been seventeen days.”
ER doctor: “but otherwise you feel fine?”

Me: “I feel fine except when I don’t.”
I hear you, but I had a baby alone in my bathroom, I am not intimate friends with my body and I don’t know what’s fine and what’s not tbh

https://twitter.com/finnanhaddie/status/1244996672524038145?s=21 https://twitter.com/FinnanHaddie/status/1244996672524038145
ER doctor: “well judging from your description, if you had come in a week or so ago we would have admitted you”

Me: “that’s why I didn’t come in!”
Okay, swabbed and irradiated and EKGd and I’m out. I have a low-grade fever today. I’m going back home to go to bed.

“OR whatever the CDC’s recommendations are by that time.”
Forgot to add the LOL
ALSO it’s #TDOV so I was very extra when I marked out the mandatory sex field with its M/F only designation, it looked something like this:
My fever was in spite of the Tylenol I took this morning lol yeah this is going great.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 21, symptom day 18

I’m running fevers now. Everything is bullshit. I hate it all. Swab isn’t back yet and now I have to submit a detailed record of everywhere I’ve been up to 48 hours prior to exposure.

I need a break.
I still can’t smell anything but that’s a non-specific finding in someone with asthma. Occasionally (when I don’t take my Flonase) I can smell things but usually I can’t and ofc I can’t and people keep asking so here’s your answer: I never could!
So remember my republican family member? They are now asking me how to sanitize their mail because someone from the little town next to their little town died of the coronavirus and “we get a lot of mail from there.”

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1244055643255783424?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1244055643255783424
Post #COVID19 exposure day 22, symptom day 19

Cluster headache early this morning. Now just a shadow on the horizon. Febrile and fatigued.

Maybe I’ll get swab results today.
I’m really really tired of everyone yelling at people who got #COVID19 to stay home. I just want to know when I can safely return to work. I’m not getting paid by the hospital to stay home past the 14 day quarantine time, so I’m on PTO, which runs out next week.
Because my permanent residence is in Oklahoma, I had to pay rent this month. My ex was “furloughed” by his work, which means he’s just hanging out at the house but fortunately can draw unemployment *whew*
Post #COVID19 exposure day 23, symptom day 20

Faint headache today. Low-grade fever through antipyretics. Would anyone like my assistance warming a bread item, perhaps, or a hand?
SpO2 is amazing. Heart rate, not so much. Respiratory rate, not so much.
#COVID19 swab was negative. Guess I’m in the false-negative group because...symptoms
Anyone wanna break the news to Occupational Medicine for me or...

https://twitter.com/mdaware/status/1243991379539300352?s=21 https://twitter.com/MDaware/status/1243991379539300352
Still having GI symptoms. At least once a day I’m so, so sick from a GI perspective.

I will spare you the details but it’s not great. Also cinnamon toothpaste plus ginger chews is a pretty accurate vomit flavor, prove me wrong.
My #COVID19 swab was negative soooooo........ https://twitter.com/terfhearse/status/1244828673875771392?s=20
Post #COVID19 exposure day 24, symptom day 21.

Very tachy today, very tired. Still.

Oh. Just realized I had to go on steroids for asthma flare back there a little bit and maybe that’s why this is hanging on forever.

Biggest issue now? #PTSD. How long does recovery take?
I’m touching my face right now and no one can stop me.

I’m gently tracing my jawline and lips, running my fingers over my cheeks upward, then stroking lightly down to my neck with the back of my hand.

NO GODS NO RULES
E V I D E N C E
Post #COVID19 exposure day 25, symptom day 22

I feel better today. Finally. Put a bra on and wow do I regret it. Too tight for easy breathing.

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1246833999932080128?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1246833999932080128
My partner said “I folded your laundry this morning, and I don’t doubt it’s hard to breathe, idk how you get all of yourself in that size” I mean,,,,,,ok good point
I have much chest, okay???? I don’t like how...prominent they are on a daily???????
When does the petechial hemorrhaging go away tho, I’m tired of it
Post #COVID19 exposure day 26, symptom day 23

Last night was absolutely awful. The worst. Just the worst.

My chest and upper arms and belly and thighs have been covered in faint petechial hemorrhages (aaaand larger areas) for about five? six? days now. Wish it would leave.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 27, symptom day 24

Had a bad PTSD night but healthwise, I’m much better.

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1247586229593321472?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1247586229593321472
Post #COVID19 exposure day 28, symptom day 25

Worn the fuck out from yesterday, sunburnt way more than I should be (forgot some of my meds increase photosensitivity), and now menstruating through suppressive therapy? Wtf body.

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1247528003363471360?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1247528003363471360
Anyway, not doing anything today but laying around. And LEGO. And Leviathan Wakes on audiobook.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 29, symptom day 26

Sometimes, I am just tired.
Nosebleeds, heavy menstrual bleeding, continued petechial hemorrhages. Occasional mild cough, but more reminiscent of asthma now than anything. Afebrile, but still having very occasional chills.

PTSD is...well. V bad.
Still having tachycardia, still feel utterly wiped following mild exertion.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 30, symptom day 27

The fucken fact it is taking a goddamn month for me to still be using my inhaler several times a day is bullshit.

This virus sucks.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 31, symptom day 28

Coffee tastes awful. My director was texting me at 5:54 am. 10 text messages, but she rightly assumed I would not respond rapidly to an email.

I have no concept of time, but I do have a concept of sleep, which is what I was doing.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 32, symptom day 29

Aside from all the bleeding, everything’s fine.
(I lied, still can’t walk up a flight of stairs without being so winded I need to sit down at the top)
Post #COVID19 exposure day 33, symptom day 30

People who got sick after me are back at work; saw one talk about walking up two flights of stairs (feeling a bit deconditioned) and either they recovered so much better than I have done or they are greatly minimizing the effects.
Post #COVID19 exposure day 34, symptom day 31

Severe PTSD sleeping issues last night. Got up at 8:45. My partner fed me breakfast. I’m going back to bed, probably. I feel like shit.
How much of this is recovery and how much of this is PTSD, I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. You can’t separate my mind and my body like that.

I don’t want to die so much as I just can’t care if I live or not right now.
okay it’s better, turns out dysphoria was kicking my ass at the same time I’m struggling with PTSD, turns out I can have as many problems as I have at the same time
Post #COVID19 exposure day 35, symptom day 32

I am both adorable and exhausted.
I’m just fully exhausted. I need to apply for nursing jobs today.

Idk how I’m going back to work. I just don’t.
Zero. Energy.
I’m not sure how much of “PTSD flare” people understand, and explaining it would trigger more problems than it solves.

If you think you know, you prolly don’t. It’s...debilitating.
Post #COVID19, symptom day 33

Exhausted and tender.
Post #COVID19, symptom day 34

Was trying to get short term disability through work but I don’t have a PCP at this location; how do I get a PCP *now,* and the only evidence I can’t work is the fact I am physically unable to get through the day.

I just.
So I got sick on the job, I don’t qualify for short-term disability, but I’m physically unable to resume employment.

Nice.
The system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets.

https://twitter.com/zarchasmpgmr/status/1251265173425283072?s=21 https://twitter.com/zarchasmpgmr/status/1251265173425283072
Post #COVID19, symptom day 35

a thread. we just don’t know.

https://twitter.com/lilienfeld1/status/1251335135909122049?s=21 https://twitter.com/lilienfeld1/status/1251335135909122049
Post #COVID19, symptom day 36

I folded a load of laundry and I’m going to reward myself with a nap. I have zero energy and my head still hurts from yesterday.
Ugh maybe I need a doctor’s appointment
It’s really interesting how, when I had symptoms, I was “assumed positive” and didn’t require testing but as soon as I ran out of paid time off “there’s no proof you have #COVID19.”
My head is pounding for two days now.
Post #COVID19, symptom day 37

I slept in, then went outside. Played I, Spy with a smol. Ate a meal. Am planning to maybe edit something I wrote.

No headache. Little bit more energy than yesterday. We’ll see.
Post #COVID19, symptom day 38

I’m thoroughly exhausted and I’ve been awake for five whole hours, yay
Post #COVID19, symptom day 39

Had a really good day, ended with a hot shower, walked out of the bathroom to the kitchen, sat down, and almost vomited. My vision tunneled but I made it to the bathroom where I collapsed on the toilet.

Hypotension is not fun.
Post #COVID19, symptom day 40

Except for the continued deconditioning, I’m doing fine. Intermittent dry cough, like my asthma cough, just more frequent and more pronounced.

Just don’t have much activity tolerance. Still feels like I need a nap every day.
Feels pretty ridiculous to post #COVID19 updates from a locked account, so feel free to share these tagged tweets via screenshots, if you’d like.
Post #COVID19, symptom day 41

Terrible night, and I’m exhausted by going to the bathroom, apparently. I’ve got trembling chills and I’m sweating.

What is wrong with me? I’m not terribly, critically ill. I’m just intermittently tachycardic and persistently weak.
I’m not the only one. What is wrong with us?
Did this. Maybe it will help?

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1253816566094811136?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1253816566094811136
We don’t know, and not knowing increases my stress level. Not being able to easily and safely access healthcare scares me, too.

And there’s no social safety net. The hospital I work for says ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ “good luck!”

https://twitter.com/krboehmer/status/1253814650640175115?s=21 https://twitter.com/krboehmer/status/1253814650640175115
All day it’s been like this. I walk down nine steps from the bedroom to the kitchen and my heart rate is 140, I’m panting, and my O2 sat is 92%.

Neither of those numbers is exceptionally bad, but ... is this going to be every day, now? And if it is ...
Post #COVID19, symptom day 42

Nothing tastes good. Food doesn’t taste like food. Not Covid-related—it’s PTSD-related.

I baked scones. They have perfect texture and (I’m told) flavor.

An I-want-to-quit-everything kind of day. Maybe the Hobbit will make me feel better.
I just feel kind of lost. Forgot what season it is...couldn’t remember if it was fall or spring.
I’ve restarted my survival video game eight or nine times today because I can’t remember how to play it. Keep messing up.
Good job I’m not by myself or responsible for other people, or for making decisions about people’s lives. Listening to the same song on repeat, loud, trying to use sound to clear the clamor in my head.
How am I supposed to do this?
How is anyone supposed to do this?
I think ... some of my problems are obviously physical. The deconditioning, the exaggerated autonomic responses to, well, everything.
But the impact on cognition and emotional state is huge, and even more of a problem. It’s just not the kind of problem healthcare takes as seriously.

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1254073736879239168?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1254073736879239168
Ah. And there’s this. I wasn’t fully recovered from this when #COVID19 happened.

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1254203599338344449?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1254203599338344449
Post #COVID19, symptom day 43

After a terrible night, I had an okay day. Food tastes either hot or sticky, so an improvement from sand and cardboard?...?...........?
Post #COVID19, symptom day 44

Writing a postcard to a friend. Coffee tastes like mildly hot water despite cinnamon and sugar and cream.
The night was quiet (once I finally fell asleep), and I cannot tell you how grateful I am that my partner is genderqueer. All those fear triggers simply eliminated...it’s wonderful.

Is this what people without sexual trauma feel like all the time? Amazing.
The day has progressed...

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1254809976733720576?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1254809976733720576
Oh it was 4 days into exposure, day 2 of symptoms. Heh.

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1240643678760079360?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1240643678760079360
Post #COVID19, symptom day 47. This happened, something I wrote during #WritingMedicine.

Aaaand ofc work sent an email around saying that an employee submitted an article and we aren’t allowed to do that, or make blogposts.

Well.

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1254777869043068928?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1254777869043068928
I doubt it’s about me, though, the email. That would be weird. That would be like saying that, because I work at a hospital, I’m not allowed to talk about being sick.

Surely that’s not what my employer intends?
Post #COVID19 questions:

So...like...how the hell do I get properly evaluated for this continued persistent fatigue and activity intolerance?
How are clinics assessing lingering symptoms post #COVID19?
Like, I’m crying because I can’t get this short-term disability paperwork to be accepted with my current follow up but I cannot physically work as a nurse anymore. What do I do? How does this work?

https://twitter.com/shannonomac/status/1256000282699366402?s=21 https://twitter.com/ShannonOMac/status/1256000282699366402
Post #COVID19, symptom day 48

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1256209907667197952?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1256209907667197952
Calling the clinic today to set up an appointment I guess. It sucks from a PCP standpoint that I got stuck at Ky’s house. From every single other standpoint I’m way better off here, but I need a DOCTOR
“rest and hydrate” gtfo, I’ve been doing that for seven weeks, and I need *money*
These are not symptoms I can have while working a 12 hour shift as an ICU RN. Come on. I cannot physically do my job. I get exhausted from riding in the car. After I wake up I have about four hours of energy, then the exhaustion hits. #COVID19

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1256212890459070465?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1256212890459070465
Well, this made my day. Thank you.

https://twitter.com/alanamk/status/1256227800375271426?s=21 https://twitter.com/alanamk/status/1256227800375271426
THERE ARE NO CLINICS ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS WITHIN THIS ZIP CODE so I guess urgent care is my only option, my apologies in advance 😭 for the poor utilization of resources
#COVID19 relevant to my interests (thanks, @SandyHiltonPT!)

https://twitter.com/cnbc/status/1256185445463085056?s=21 https://twitter.com/CNBC/status/1256185445463085056
This is why I need a PCP. Urgent care is not made for this, but I don’t have a better option and I’m so upset over it.

https://twitter.com/resipsalocutus/status/1256240680332132352?s=21 https://twitter.com/ResIpsaLocutus/status/1256240680332132352
I need consistent follow-up, and urgent care is not the place for that, and I know this, but what are my options?? I don’t have any!
WAIT. Yes, I do. My v smart friend who works as a PA in an urgent care suggested this:
I can’t even with getting into Urgent Care lmao this is happening MAYBE
“Wait a minute, we swabbed you way back in...March.”

Yes, the 31st and you did a full panel that day, and it was all negative.

“You are still sick?”

Me: *starts crying*
EKG and chest xray ordered but there’s no staff to do the xray until tomorrow so they said I need to come back.

Also they said “we don’t see any reason you cannot return to work, so we are unable to fill out this paperwork” I am just tired.
Oh

EKG is a bit abnormal. And I would discard it, except...it doesn’t look like the last one I had a month ago.
I want a work up. I am thirty-nine and fifty days ago was working more than fulltime as an ICU RN.

Today I cannot walk up the stairs without feeling lightheaded. I am describing presyncope and all I am getting from everyone is “wait it out.”
Post #COVID19, symptom day 49

I just want to be able to take care of myself.

Chest X-ray today. *shrug* I’ll update you after.
My chest X-ray is also abnormal. “We’ll just call it bronchitis, but I really don’t like it. You need a chest CT, but I can’t order that. If you get worse, go to the ER, otherwise follow up with your PCP for a chest CT.” Got a script for a zpack and steroids.
I want to cry, it is not bronchitis.
A chest CT is clearly indicated. Clearly. How does one obtain an adequate workup in this economy?
The scariest part about this is the unnecessary azithromycin.

*spectre of bacterial superinfection looms*

Although the risk of secondary infection from steroids is NOT GREAT EITHER OKAY
I THOUGHT MY LUNGS SOUNDED FINE, THATS WHAT YOU TOLD ME YESTERDAY
But see, that’s the thing with Covid, isn’t it, people look okay and they sound fine, until they aren’t and they don’t.

But I don’t have it now, surely. Unless I didn’t effectively clear it.
Post #COVID19, symptom day 50

I’m at the ER. I came at this time because it should be empty. Instead it is a bustle of activity and—I forgot. They lifted the stay-at-home order about a week ago.

This is the first bump.
I explained about the abnormal EKG, the abnormal chest X-ray, the dx of bronchitis, my symptoms, the fact it’s been 50 days.

They call a code blue in the bay just over from mine. I apologize. The nurse just nods, says “normally this would be the best time to come in.”
“The doctor ordered a repeat chest X-ray. If it’s abnormal we’ll do a CT.” I do not argue. I have done everything I can, what is a little more radiation at this point?

The nurse and the doctor are both v busy right now.
I want an adequate work up. I want more than “you look fine, your vital signs are good.” They are not good when I do -anything.- something is wrong, and I want desperately to be believed.
I do not want to be told “just wait, it takes a long time.” That’s what you tell people AFTER YOU WORK UP THEIR SYMPTOMS ADEQUATELY.

I am 39 years old and I owe well over $1000 so far, after insurance, for the nothing that has been done for me.
I waited. I waited, patiently, for far longer than I should have. And now I just want due diligence.
Okay, same doctor as last time. I remembered her and she remembered me. “You are still sick?” and “has anyone done any bloodwork yet? maybe let’s just scan you.”

Oh my god I’m so relieved.
GOOD NEWS EVERYONE IM NOT PREGNANT LMAO LMAO lots of apologies from the nurse for that one. “I believe you that you’re not having sex with people who have sperm and it’s not possible even if you were, I’m sorry.”
Drew a rainbow, gonna get a CT, if those things are okay I’m getting a referral to outpatient cardiology.

My EKG is normal. Well. Still has flat t waves and the rsr. But also I’m here in the morning, not late in the afternoon. I get so much worse throughout the day.
My nurse pointed out I can’t speak a sentence without stopping for breath. That’s been true for so long I forgot.
OH GOOD WE’RE GONNA SWAB FOR COVID AGAIN, CANT WAIT

It’s not as bad as a pelvic exam, not nearly as invasive or stressful.
“You know there’s like a 30% false negative with those.”

Yes, I do know. Can we do the antibody test instead?

“No, we don’t have it.”

Well. Fuck.

“*snort laugh*”
Desperate to log in to the computer and check my own labs, lol good thing I cannot.
Lmao I keep refreshing the screen on my twitter like that will help
I have a great IV, tho. My nurse said “thank you for having great veins” and I said “glad I could help”

She just got back from a two-week quarantine.
Y’all I am...jealous of them working.

I’m so jealous. I want to work. I miss my job. She started my IV and I felt a pang at how long it has been.

I’m listening to the beeps and the bustle and the chatter and I just, I miss it so much.
So...I’ve referenced this several times over the past seven weeks but it’s that time again, so:

if I, a white ICU nurse, am having this much trouble obtaining adequate care, how much more difficult is it for BIPOC and homeless and people with more obvious disabilities?
Third time is the charm on the CTA: changed out the contrast and finally the machine agreed to run.

Chemistry and CBC are fine. I mean, I’m anemic, but not terribly so.
Me, to the part of my lab slip listing my BMI:
GUESS WHO NEEDS AN ECHOCARDIOGRAM
Post #COVID19 symptom day 51

Oh my god, I put my laundry away and then spent forever (an hour) on the phone trying to get a cardiology appointment.

Finally done. I go tomorrow to see a PCP about short-term disability paperwork and Wednesday to see a cardiologist.
I’m so tired. I feel like there’s a hand pressing down on my chest all the time. My arms are heavy. Everything is heavy.

I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding so fiercely it woke up my partner.
And ofc the cardiology office was like “yes we realize the resident said you needed an echocardiogram and to call the office to schedule one but we aren’t convinced you need one so we need to do an assessment first” which is just *shrug*
Do y’all know I sleep with an ice pack under my head on my pillow or I can’t sleep because I get so hot I feel like I’m smothering?

Something is wrong. I don’t know what, but something is.
I prolly need a HOLTER monitor, which for some reason my phone is super excited about.

Also going out of the house every day is exhausting. Friday & Saturday, urgent care. Yesterday the ER. Today is grocery shopping.

I slept in two hours and I need a nap.
Filled out all my paperwork for PCP visit tomorrow. Organized everything by date. Wrote what symptoms I was having that day, and how many days since exposure.

Typing up my meds now.

This #COVID19 symptom thread has helped me more than once.
so basically, I can go shopping or I can help put things away, I cannot do both

also I can’t leave the house more than a single time a day to do a single thing, and I need at least a day between doing things

....is this really my life now?
don’t have the energy to do things. like, I bake way way way way less because I just don’t have the energy to do it.
Post #COVID19 symptom day 52

Saw a tweet that said someone turned up the gravity today and yes, that precisely.

My hormone meds, which controlled my continuous bleeding well until about week two of the virus, no longer work, it seems.
if I stop talking to you, it’s not because I don’t like you, it’s because I’m exhausted and I have to pick between things. I know I used to respond to everyone. I can’t do that anymore.

people I love get less of me now, I’m sorry
The new PCP (an FNP-C) has agreed to fill out my short-term disability paperwork and made me feel heard. Next stop: even more lab work.

“Why is there no #COVID19 panel?!?” she said. We both laughed. Because it would contain every single thing, ofc.
So....now I have successfully done lab work. Oh! And my second #COVID19 swab is negative.
Post #COVID19 symptom day 53

Today is my cardiology appointment.

I’m exhausted. I don’t want to speak. I don’t want to do anything. I didn’t want breakfast.

I just want—I want to drink coffee and read poetry and tangle my fingers in my partner’s hair. That’s what I want.
Instead I’m headed to the cardiologist’s office. I’m tired before I even get there because I went to the doctor AND had a lab draw yesterday.

Love this journey for me. :/
Also why is gravity so powerful these days...
Oh look an insurance snafu. But it’s been figured out already.

I considered doing a drinking game for every time there’s a problem but y’all lushes would take me serious and be drunk after
Got another EKG. Looks normal. Again. And I told the tech (a woman) that usually they get V1-V2 too high and she said “yes, breasts are scary, ooooooo” and I laughed. I like her.
She thanked me for not wearing a bra and I said “bra? in this economy?” and she laughed again.
I’m going to have to find the energy to copy and paste all these tweets into a google document so I can hand it over to people when they want to know what happened. I don’t have the air to keep explaining.
You know what’s really bothering me? That they won’t find anything abnormal, and I’ll just be like this, forever, with no diagnosis.
I’m worried that a lot of us may be like this for a long time. Like all those women with “chronic Lyme” etc etc etc.
You all know the suspect diagnoses, the label they give us as a thing that fits, the labels we find for ourselves, late at night, on the internet, searching for answers, searching for a reason why.
And the derision! Because if there’s not a word to encapsulate the symptoms and the suffering, it must be manufactured by the diseased to confound the wise!

Current knowledge & practice is God in medicine, you know.
Okay, cards says it’s not unreasonable to do an echocardiogram, and wonders why no one has checked my thyroid yet.

This is a good question. We shall do that.
Also he said “they have the wrong name and gender in the system, I’m sorry about that. I can’t change it on my side, but I can notify them that they need to fix it.” well, bless, I have found two good clinicians in as many days
I was eating dinner and almost passed out, took me two hours of rest to recover and then I got dizzy in the bathtub and almost passed out.

No, I cannot take my HR or BP when I am that dizzy. My vision is static and it is all I can do to lean over rather than falling.
Usually when I get dizzy it’s just that—I feel faint with exertion and I have to sit down. Generally there’s a position change involved.

These are unrelated to position changes.
These symptoms are bullshit and I don’t even know what to do about it. Call cardiology? Go back to the ER? Go back to urgent care?

If it happens again I’ll go back to the ER. But if it doesn’t. Who do I tell?
I’m going to bed. I’ll leave a message for cardiology in the morning.
Post #COVID19 symptom day 54

I’ve been up for three hours. I am now going back to bed. That is all. 🌈
I got nothing. I’m using my inhaler and sleeping on two pillows. The steroid burst did nothing.

No, I don’t have JVD. My CRP is normal. I’m exhausted by sitting up and engaging with people, and when I get exhausted I get lost in my own head, and it’s not a safe place there.
Post #COVID19 symptom day 56

My short-term disability application was accepted. I feel weird about it, like...

Okay. So it really is that bad, huh.
And I know from the inside it is. Actually today is pretty good so far but I’ve done nothing at all, so...there’s that.
I’m sitting here with my upper arms burning from the nothing I’m doing, and there’s an ache along the right sternal border. It’s just there all the time now.
Tagging my post-Covid work from my alt-account

https://twitter.com/grannyesme/status/1259289239033954306?s=21 https://twitter.com/GrannyEsme/status/1259289239033954306
Post #COVID19 symptom day 60

My d-dimer is elevated, but “not enough to be worried about it,” or so they say.

Echocardiogram tomorrow.

Subjectively, I feel a bit better today. Exhausted, but was able to go to Target AND the grocery store. Spent not quite 2 hours out. ☀️
What does “not enough to be worried about it” mean? I don’t know. I requested a copy of the results to be sent to me.

They are mailing a literal copy, because idk idk that’s how it works, I guess.
But really, no one knows in #COVID19 how to interpret those results. They mean what they always mean: look for clots.
Post #COVID19 symptom day 61

Echocardiogram. “We are going to really concentrate on the right side of your heart today.”

I’ve seen a lot of echoes and I gotta say, my heart looks pretty normal except for all the ectopic beats.
I took a four-hour nap, apparently. I’m so tired.

If my echocardiogram IS actually normal, I need PFTs. Or something.

Something.
I do not have enough curse words. I’m getting off here and crying, probably, geez

https://twitter.com/amerindependent/status/1261009511621558272?s=21 https://twitter.com/AmerIndependent/status/1261009511621558272
I’m...tired. All the time. #COVID19

https://twitter.com/jenbrea/status/1261476772236804096?s=21 https://twitter.com/jenbrea/status/1261476772236804096
Post #COVID19 symptom day 63

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1261682211520053249?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1261682211520053249
Post #COVID19 symptom day 65

I’m just so tired. “Want to go up to the mountains?” And...like, I do, but also I just want to fvcking sit here. I want to lay down, all day, and I make myself stay up until I can’t make myself anymore.

https://twitter.com/asher_wolf/status/1262780864263368704?s=21 https://twitter.com/Asher_Wolf/status/1262780864263368704
Oh. And there’s this. #COVID19

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1262872634204860417?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1262872634204860417
Post #COVID19 symptom day 66

My resting echo was fine.

I walked to the bedroom and had to stop before I got to the door, tripoding in the hallway, my calf and thigh muscles burning.

Sitting on the bed eight minutes later, tweeting this, my heart still pounds.
Post #COVID19 symptom day 67

Still sleeping with an ice pack on my pillow, even though my pillow is a cold-form pillow, and waking up pouring sweat. I’m generating enough heat for three people, I think.
I have a follow-up appointment with the FP clinic next Tuesday. We’ll see how it goes. Still have the oral lesions, still have the dizziness.

Still having dreams I have to go to the hospital—passing out somewhere public is a big fear now, where it was a small fear before.
Post #COVID19 symptom day 68

https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1263836811618652162?s=21 https://twitter.com/browofjustice/status/1263836811618652162
You can follow @browofjustice.
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